It is a new year, and I have been thinking about the past resolutions I’ve made.
Wow, have I made some unrealistic resolutions in past years.
Seriously, there were some real clinkers! I placed impossibly high expectations on myself. Never mind all the people who knew what I was attempting and kept asking me about it!
My failures don’t surprise me at all–I set the bar way too high and forgot some key heart-centered wisdom.
I like to say that bad experience makes the best teacher! So I hope you will learn a little something from my mistakes 😉
This is a time of new beginnings. We’re making resolutions all over the world right now. Our common goals are to:
1. Lose weight or get into shape
2. Create abundance and dial down the debt
3. Overcome an addiction like smoking or drinking or eating
4. Make more time for family
5. Do some good in the world
Generally speaking, these goals are good ones.
BUT! Look a little closer and you might notice how these might be fear based or guilt driven and some may have restriction vibes attached.
At the very least, they begin with a premise that something is currently wrong or off with what you’re doing.
Resolutions like these often become unrealistic because we distort them and attach all kinds of conditions.
We don’t say we want to lose a few pounds gently over time… we say I am going to lose 20 pounds by Valentine’s day so I can look amazing in that special dress I haven’t been able to get into since high school. And THEN, once I’m super skinny and in that sexy dress, THEN this other amazing fantastical thing will happen.
We raise the bar so high, we can’t help but fail.
It would be great if we could approach the goals gently, with some patience and humor. But that isn’t how most of us handle our resolutions.
When we start out with a resolution that rejects something about who we are right now in the present moment, how can we be fully on board?
How can our spirit support us in a resolution that begins with the sentence: I look like a fat pig, I must lose weight or else!
Resolutions packaged with a negative premise send the message: Something is wrong with me that must be fixed.
We express the resolution in terms of what we want to lose, stop, get rid of, do away with, end, curb, leave, shed. And the energetic emphasis is placed on what is wrong, bad, or unacceptable about ourselves.
Shaming yourself into shape will never work.
The fact is, you are where you are. How crazy is it to deny what is? Um, yes, it’s crazy.
When you grab your belly and say, I’ve got to do something about this! You place the focus on a part of yourself that you cannot accept. Yet here you are, in the flesh, belly and all.
An interesting thing about focusing on what you don’t like or want: When you say I’ve got to lose this fat or I’ve got to stop drinking or smoking or spending, your mind ignores the part about I’ve got to stop, and it zeros in on the other part about delicious yummy ice cream and cookies, wine, cigarettes, beautiful new boots… We increase the cravings of what we want to stop.
Change the statement to something positive.
If you were to make a sign to hang as a reminder of your goals for the year how would you want it to read?
I am a big fat pig, I am on the verge of financial ruin, I must stop being so busy and make time for important stuff.
I love and accept myself, I welcome health, I welcome abundance, I welcome peace. I am blessed.
If the goal is that you want to eat mindfully then say that. Do not call yourself a fat pig.
And please, let’s be realistic here 🙂
It doesn’t have to be EVERY meal. Why? Part of being human and living on this planet is to enjoy the pleasures of life and let’s face it–pizza with a nice Chianti counts among those occasional pleasures.
Why be so strict, so militant? It isn’t reasonable. It isn’t realistic. And, failure isn’t your goal, right?
So, be kind to yourself this year.
Chuck the harsh resolutions right into the garbage where they belong!
It is time to respect all of who you are and usher in the new year with a little kindness and compassion, and maybe even a little pizza.