Be super kind and gentle with your resolutions this year.
Remember, happiness is not just about what you look like.
Or what your bank account looks like.
Or what your metrics say.
Addressing physicality while ignoring your spirit brings a temporary shift.
True transformation means we look deeper and do the inner work.
This is a time of new beginnings. Lots of us are making resolutions right now. The goals I am hearing most are:
1. Lose weight or get into shape
2. Create abundance and dial down the debt
3. Overcome an addiction like smoking or drinking or eating
Generally speaking, these goals are good ones. BUT! Look a little closer and you might notice how these might be fear based or guilt driven and some may have restriction vibes attached.
They all begin with a premise that something is currently wrong or off with what you’re doing. While wanting to change isn’t always a bad thing, resolutions like these often become unrealistic because we distort them and attach all kinds of conditions.
We don’t say we want to lose a few pounds gently over time… we say I am going to lose 20 pounds by Valentine’s day so I can look amazing in that special dress I haven’t been able to get into since high school. And THEN, once I’m super skinny and in that sexy dress, THEN this other amazing fantastical thing will happen.
When we start out with a resolution that rejects something about who we are right now in the present moment, how can we be fully on board? How can our spirit support us in a resolution that begins with the sentence: I look like a fat pig, I must lose weight or else! Resolutions packaged with a negative premise send the message: Something is wrong with me that must be fixed.
We express the resolution in terms of what we want to lose, stop, get rid of, do away with, end, curb, leave, shed. And the energetic emphasis is placed on what is wrong, bad, or unacceptable about ourselves.
Shaming yourself into shape will never work. The fact is, you are where you are. When you grab your belly and say, I’ve got to do something about this! You place the focus on a part of yourself that you cannot accept. Yet here you are, in the flesh, belly and all.
An interesting thing about focusing on what you don’t like or want: When you say I’ve got to lose this fat or I’ve got to stop drinking or smoking or spending, your mind ignores the part about I’ve got to stop, and it zeros in on the other part about delicious yummy ice cream and cookies, wine, cigarettes, beautiful new boots… We increase the cravings of what we want to stop.
Placing the focus on what you don’t want just creates more of what you don’t want. Change the statement to something positive.
If you were to make a sign to hang as a reminder of your goals for the year how would you want it to read?
I am a big fat pig, I am on the verge of financial ruin, I must stop being so busy and make time for important stuff.
Or
I love and accept myself, I welcome health, I welcome abundance, I welcome peace. I am blessed.
If the goal is that you want to eat mindfully then say that. Do not call yourself a fat pig.
And please, let’s be realistic here It doesn’t have to be EVERY meal. Why? Part of being human and living on this planet is to enjoy the pleasures of life and let’s face it–pizza with a nice Chianti counts among those occasional pleasures.
Why be so strict, so militant? It isn’t reasonable.
It isn’t realistic.
And, failure isn’t your goal, right?
Be kind to yourself this year.
Chuck the harsh resolutions and opt for a little gentleness. It is time to respect all of who you are and usher in the new year with a little kindness and compassion, and maybe even a little pizza.
xxo
