Do you have a Downer Dilemma? Spent any time with an Energy Sucker lately?
Have you ever felt like your good vibes got sucked dry after spending time with someone?
Know anyone who likes to ‘poor-me’ it up but won’t take help?
What about the person who’s on the verge of yet another tirade about the State of Things?
How about the one who rains on your parade? You share your good news and they tell you why it’s gonna’ fail.
Yep, you’ve met an energy sucker. A downer. And, frankly, they’re hard to be around.
But wait, aren’t downers people too?
They’re good people who don’t get that their extended forecast of gloom and doom is actually harmful to themselves and others.
They don’t understand that this kind of limping through life is a choice.
Sometimes we are downers too! But, that’s another post.
Your energy is affected by the negative vibes of others.
It is true. You’ve already felt it happen, haven’t you?
We have these little things in our brain called mirror neurons. They make empathy possible.
We aren’t just listening to someone’s words, we’re tuning our signal to their vibe.
We’re hardwired to do this. Our nervous system is listening.
So what do you do about it?
First of all, you need to know that their problem is not your problem.
You are not responsible for the happiness of other people.
No matter how much you might feel like you HAVE to listen to them, you do not.
Put up your hand and say stop. Walk away. Hang up the phone.
But wait, isn’t it rude not to listen? Won’t it hurt their feelings?
Tolerating the negative vibes of others doesn’t serve you or the other person.
People in that mode only learn to keep doing more of the same when we behave as interested, rapt, little bunnies.
If you believe that being a good person means you need to be sympathetic to their plight, feel their pain, commiserate, validate, and perhaps relate to their State of Things – we need to talk.
I’m not kidding.
Being polite gets in the way of being real.
You are giving yourself and the other person a kindness by not allowing this kind of behavior.
How is that kind? You are not being authentic in the moment that you continue to act as if you care, are interested, want to help. Right?
And, honestly, when you set a boundary and say NO, you help the other person get in touch with what they are doing. We are all here to help, aren’t we?
Maybe I should just stay home and avoid people forever?
You were meant to live a life fully out in the open–present and accounted for.
Besides, it’s impossible to stay home and avoid people forever.
Even while you’re hiding, these opportunities for growth will come and find you.
- It’s not your job to be the ear to inappropriate, life deprecating commentary.
- You are not here on the planet to see to the complete and utter happiness of others. It’s just not your job. And, it isn’t good for you. And, it doesn’t serve them either.
- There is a purpose and a plan for you and your life, and the better your boundary, the faster you’ll get there.
How can I help? Did this downer dilemma ring close to home?
Can I help support you in creating healthy boundaries for yourself?
Get in touch, send me an email. I’m here for you.
The The Downer Dilemma: How to Deal with Energy Suckers by Robin Hallett, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.