For people committed to waking up and being of benefit to others, the key for us is to not nurture hatred in our hearts…to not add any more aggression, to add as much open kindness and open heartedness as we can. — Pema Chodron
I have been moving through my days carefully and cautiously since I heard about Paris. And the scary truth is, I have been sitting here trying to find a way to tell you that while OF COURSE there is a part of me grieving for Paris, there is an even bigger part holding many loved ones in the midst of grieving their own tragedies and hardships, and this is taking precedence.
Paris is not at the forefront of my mind right now and I am feeling bad, and a little guilty about saying that–even though I know it’s okay to be feeling this way. It’s been kind of hard for me to focus anywhere. And so I’m moving gently.
These are the kinds of days I remember–especially when the kids were little–when I would pour vodka into my sippy cup while we built forts in the living room because I needed to blur the edges a little. I just couldn’t stay present with Barbies and play forts, couldn’t find my smile. There was all this other stuff going on and I just didn’t know how to feel connected to what we were doing there.
Just today after struggling with all of this this week, I gave myself permission to know and remember that I now hold others who are also trying to get through fort building and Barbies, and lately there has been a lot of reasons for us all to use the magic sippy cup. And all of this is taking precedence for me. And this is perfectly, naturally, beautifully OKAY.
This is a time for love and kindness. This is a time to practice making space for what you may be feeling and taking your needs into account.
Some of you may not feel as connected to Paris right now because right here in your own heart there is a Paris all its own. You’re barely keeping up with the upsets right here. For you, the bombs keep coming, and I want you to know that it’s totally okay to be feeling this way. We practice wherever we are. Lesson 5 from A Course in Miracles says, “There are no small upsets. They are all equally disturbing to my peace of mind.” Don’t judge how you’re feeling. Don’t minimize it or say that you are bad because you don’t have compassion for worldly happenings. Just practice right here with your own sweet heart. You liberate light whenever you do this. This is you adding something positive in the world.
One of my favoritest poems has this line:
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on. – Mary Oliver
Yes, meanwhile the world goes on. And it’s okay. Be very kind and gentle with yourself. And wherever you are, whoever you are – I am sending you lots of love.