It’s okay if you don’t want to carry it.
It’s okay if you still object to what happened but you also know that holding onto it is hurting you.
It’s good and right that you know this: It’s hurting you to carry it, and you’re looking for some way to release it, but you still object to what happened.
AND, I know about the advice that says every upset needs to be carried and churned until it is dissolved. Only then will you truly move on, they say.
But sometimes, the thing we’re carrying is so old, it’s so wrong, and it was never ours to carry in the first place. So it’s not healthy or helpful to continue to carry it or churn it or process it. In fact, it is hurting us to do that. It’s like keeping space inside us for the thing we don’t want anymore.
And in one sparkling moment, we see it and realize that we can simply set it down. Or return it to sender.
Forgiveness means to give something up for your own inner peace.
Forgive = GIVE FOR
To give it up for…
To give it up for your own inner space.
Inner delight. Inner knowing. Inner ease. Inner JOY.
You choose to forgive. And this does not mean you say you forget! It just means you CHOOSE. You choose to give it up.
Give it up FOR.
Give up carrying it for you KNOW you have grown and changed and what happened before does not need repeating.
Give up holding it as a reminder. A reminder of how bad it was; how much they hurt you; how horrible the world is.
Give up holding onto it as penance.
Give up holding onto it as a justification. An explanation. The reason why you haven’t been able to move on.
We are the ones who decide when we’re done. We are the only ones who can forgive.
And it’s totally all right to decide you are. No matter how hard you’ve worked. No matter how screwed up you believe yourself to be.
I know it’s not popular advice.
But the truth will resonate. You will feel it.
I myself spent most of my teens, and all of my twenties in therapy. Every week, and sometimes twice, I’d go in and churn and process. Hoping it would get better. Hoping I’d be released. Hoping someone else would tell me I was good to go. But that never happened. In fact, things became worse. I was so absorbed in what was wrong, I couldn’t see my freedom.
One day I realized I could simply decide to put the story down.
I could let it go.
Move the eff on, forward, upward.
I could move in the direction of my light and remember who I truly am.
Again, not popular advice, but then again, it’s how I got myself free and this is why I wanted to tell you.
In fact, lots and lots of people will disagree that walking away seems unhealthy, or just plain wrong. But do we really care about the opinion of other people at this point? Or are we interested in getting free?
It’s okay if you don’t want to carry it anymore. Don’t let yourself feel guilty about that. You haven’t failed. You aren’t doing it wrong. This is not a mistake. This is you breaking free.
Lots of love. I’ll put more ideas for you below. And always, if this resonates, make sure you stick around!
Love + support on the topic of forgiveness and letting go
On Challenging Relationships, Forgiveness, plus Guided Meditation + Ho’oponopono Prayer
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