In the spirit of our emotional well-being, it becomes important to forgive. To let ourselves process and grieve what we missed out on, and then (in my case anyway) to forgive our parents.
All of life is a mother, a father, if we choose to let it be.
In this episode:
Everything we’re walking through including the heaviness of world events.
Small things being big things to lift your heart 🙂 finding what’s special and beautiful for us.
Parents. Us being parents. Generational stuff. Forgiveness, compassion.
Dealing with our baggage.
Sharing a collective love and hug with you about being a parent, and being the child of a parent… and all the stuff that comes up on holidays especially.
So important to let ourselves have our feelings. To have the courage to let ourselves feel them. We are not inconveniences to our own hearts.
Learning to care a bit less than we do now about what somebody else will say if we have feelings. The only experience that matters is our own.
How we feel matters.
Considering the way we have been brought up and also the experience our parents were having.
Choosing to have compassion and understanding about why our parents weren’t the experts we expected them to be. Can we choose to see that we also made mistakes, and therefore our parents might be in the same boat as us?
Choosing for the sake of our own spiritual growth to let people out of prison. How many decades do we need to hold our parents in prison?
How can we live a life where we feel emotionally free? What are our next steps?
This week’s inspiration: I share a beautiful song, This is to Mother You by Sinead Oconnor
This week’s featured letter: From a mother who feels she made mistakes and wonders how to forgive herself, and learn to be here in the now without all the regrets and worry.
All this and more! Come grab a cuppa yum yum and meet me here:
Listen to this episode here or read the transcript (with timestamps) below.
🎧 Listen to Episode 135: Love and Forgiveness
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A Course in Miracles Quotes:
Show me where to go, what to say, and to whom. Chapter 5
The guidance we are seeking is inside us already, the light in our heart has the answers. – Workbook lesson 155
Be still and receive. Connect with the loving energy within. Take my hand. – Workbook lesson 106 and Chapter 5
We are responsible, we are the ones narrating the story – Chapter 21
I am determined to see things differently – Workbook lesson 21
Let all things be exactly as they are – Workbook lesson 268
You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.
Related links for this episode:
Open your hands if you want to be held., Rumi — I read the full poem on this episode
⭐Books mentioned in this episode:
You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.
Movies mentioned in this episode:
Lord of the Rings the second movie with Gollum
Thank you for listening, may it serve you!
Hugs and love,
To support the podcast, consider making a donation here.
Help out the show: Leave a review on iTunes
Write a letter to the show here
Hello, it’s me, Robin.
Robin Hallett, intuitive healer and Light Sparkler at Robin hallett.com, and this is Tea with Robin on this amazing episode, in the spirit of our emotional well being, it becomes so important to learn to forgive, to forgive our parents to forgive ourselves. I’m sharing a collective hug with you about being the child of a parent, where things did not go well, and also being the parent of children, where things did not go well, all the stuff that comes up all the things we learn on dealing with our baggage and choosing love and forgiveness as the spirit walk, we are doing our inspiration, receiving the mothering, we may still feel we are missing, and we’ll have a letter from amomum, who is wondering, how do you let yourself off the hook for mistakes you made in the past, how do you live in the now, without regrets. Well we’re going to talk about all of that and a lot more, so I suggest you grab a cup of yum yum and meet me here.
Well hello gorgeous friend, it’s me Rob and welcome back to podcast Tea with Robin. This is episode 135 135 If it’s your first time here. Hello, this is a healing podcast about living our beautiful lives, showing up choosing to be here. No, choosing to be here. Choosing to live a life we feel proud to claim, not always said easy, not always so smooth. But here we are, and we’re riding together we’re doing this journey together, and I am so glad for that so thank you for being here and thanks to whoever however you came to be here as well.
Friends returning. Hello, hello, hello. I hope that your week has been going well. I’m wondering how the weather in your heart is today. How are you doing, how have you been doing since we last spoke, I hope that you are finding your way to enjoying this time enjoying spring, keeping your heart warm, fuzzy cozy, you know, doing your best hanging in there with yourself.
Yeah, I really really do over here. It’s a beautiful day, and the weather in my heart is good. I am enjoying so much the garden these days, things are starting to wake up a little bit and I’m out every day looking at what’s new. Now, and oh my goodness, we have the sweetest little Robin’s nest being built right outside the window. There’s nothing that says spring quite like the little birdies in their nests and, you know, it’s probably not that uncommon to have a bird’s nest on your property, but I have been doing a lot of work repairing things around here and we have this really cool old Super old shed. I think the previous owners, probably built it themselves. It’s definitely not a kit or anything, and boy it got to be 40 years old so there’s little repairs here and there but I’ve also decorated it in my Robbie Sabi way, and it is so cute because at the tippy top of the shed, I call it the shed antlers I painted these sticks of wood they kind of look like antlers on the top of the shed, she has built or is building she’s still building it, her nest there, the mom and the female and the male Robin are working away today they’re packing in the mud, and it’s amazing, right from my window right now I can see it. And I’ve named the mother, or I’ve named the female, surely, and the husband, the male. They don’t have to be married guys it’s okay, and her partner is Bob, because you know, Bob, he
looks like a bob. It’s very fun to watch, but it’s so cool that we were just at number one kiddos house. She just moved into her new her first home. And we’ve been helping her little bits here and there, but she also has a Robin’s nest outside her window. And I said, I would love to have a rapid snus this year and it’s like, you know how it goes. You come home, and then a bird starts building one. So, it’s been, it’s been really sweet and enriching, you know, they have something to look forward to every day when you get up and go out and it’s also a, in a weird way, a reminder of this time because I don’t know about you but the vibes are bizarre to me these days, There is a lot of different things going on, as I often say I don’t want to get into all the news here but, you know, it just seems like right now, there’s an energy about the virus, about whether or not were pushing the river, too much in terms of going back to, air quotes here normal or not or are we being too chicken about re-emerging into public spaces together, just all these different just really differing viewpoints people worried about getting vaccinated, people not worried about getting vaccinated stories circulating about vaccinations. Second thing or what you know all the different kinds of stories circulating about things and you know sometimes it just can feel heavy in the heart space as we continue in our way on this journey with everything we’re walking through, you know, so having a birdies best. Yeah, it’s, it’s a really sweet thing, and it’s a small thing, and sometimes, you know, you really got to let those small things be big things for your heart, don’t you, it’s okay to be lit up about a bird’s nest it’s okay to be lit up about a book you’re loving these days. It’s okay to be lit up about your plants thing, or your pet. Whatever gets you there, I say go for it. So yeah, it’s, it’s such a good thing. So why don’t we cheers. Did you bring something yummy to sip on today I hope you did. I have my bubbly. I have a little bit of bubble water here and a nice cup of tea. My Euro grey, my favorite Earl Grey tea with a little sea salt and stevia. And I say we chairs do small things that are so meaningful and special to us, making it. Sweet, making it beautiful. Cheers to that. Cheers.
So good, so good, so good. So today, friends, I mentioned last week that I’d like to continue on our discussion of parents and our parents and us being parents and our children and generational stuff, stuff that happens in our upbringing, the stories, you know, different things we’ve just had Mother’s Day. If you’re listening real time, this would be yesterday in the United States. I know some countries celebrated earlier than that, but here in the States, it was yesterday, and oh my goodness, you know, I don’t know a ton of people who don’t have some sort of kind of baggage around these kinds of things. I don’t know anybody who doesn’t have something. And so I just wanted to share a collective, hug, and some love, and also to say it’s a big deal, you know if you have feelings about your experience of being a parent or being the child of a parent, you know what I mean, like we’re stuff was going down or whatever it is for you. It’s so important to let yourself feel your feelings, have your experience. You know, I’m not somebody who’s here to constantly cheerlead us out of our, our experiences. Things can be very difficult sometimes, I know, life can feel very challenging to live in, because things are heavy things are challenging, we have stuff that goes down, and it just can be a bit of a slog to keep showing up day in and day out, and the thing for me is letting yourself have your feelings. Letting yourself explore how you’re feeling, allowing it to be exactly as it is for you. That is where it’s at. You know, it’s so important. I hear this a lot from people in healing sessions that they, if they give themselves some space to feel their feelings, they’re afraid they’re going to get stuck there. They’re afraid, it’s never going to turn off. And, you know, that’s, that’s actually more of just a fearful story than the reality. I really want us to have the courage to explore how it feels to be ourselves, to have our feelings, and to not treat ourselves like we’re some kind of inconvenience to our own hearts if we’re having some tender feelings, and, you know, also, to care a little less about what everybody else is going to think, you know, for us not to be so concerned with what somebody else will say if we have feelings. The only one who really matters here is you is me, is our hearts, is our experience, you know what I’m saying. So how we feel, matters. Yeah, how we feel matters. All of how we’re feeling is all right. So many of us go through experiences, ongoing experiences with our families with our parents with our kids, whatever it is, if we’re not able to pause and allow ourselves to feel it, to take some time to present our experience for our own hearts, whatever it is that’s going on. This could be anything for you today you don’t, you may not necessarily relate to talking about parents and stuff like that but whatever it is that you’re feeling, you know, whatever it is that’s going on, if we don’t make some space to take some time to be with our feelings. What ends up happening is the tarnish kind of comes off your day, your life, you know your day, your week your month things feel very dull and a slog, you know it can be like a bit of a slog, and I don’t know about you but life is hard enough
as it is. And we are here, you know, people say to me all the time what is the point of even being here. Sometimes we wonder, things like that. But we are here, and I don’t know about you but I want my life to not feel like every single day. I’m limping through it. So, this is my encouragement to give yourself some space to feel what you’re feeling. So today I kind of want to talk about, not where it’s perfect, but where we’re struggling. And, you know, along the theme of family and stuff, I’ve been thinking a lot about how just how it happens if two people come together and decide to share their lives together. You know this, you could be thinking about your parents right now you could be thinking about yourself right now. Whatever, whatever example comes to mind two people come together to spend their life together. They’re in love, they meet, they have a connection, they want to be together. That’s the optimal scenario, but also, there’s lots of reasons people come together. You know, it’s not always a choice made out of love and romance, but however, two people come together they come together with their own personal baggage, their own their own stuff and a lot of times you’re getting into something, because you’re trying to get away from something else. Right, so I think about that a lot. How my parents met, they really barely had any time to get to know each other before they decided to get married, and my mom left her home country to be with my dad. They have barely spent any time together. So, you know, after the marriage is when you start to discover who you really are to each other. And by that point, you know, back then. Anyway, it’s a little late to change your mind. You know, we, we don’t always consider all of the stuff, how complicated it is. I think sometimes we can be surprised by the amount of emotional layers, we find in each other. I find as a kid who struggled a lot with her parents, or struggled with the story, or really felt like I missed out on. Then traditional parent child relationship, I really did. And I know a lot of you did as well and you still feel that way. In fact, I saw a great post secret. If you follow the account post secret the other day. It said something like, you know, every year. I look for the Hallmark card that says you. Happy Mother’s Day, but something like you. You were never the kind of person I would call, you know, you were not the parent. I could even call parent, but happy mother, you know, I saw so many posts about Mother’s Day and about parents and kind of like, where’s the Hallmark card that says, You’re my parent, and I’m your child. Happy Mother’s Day, nothing else you know. There’s a lot of us out there that just feel completely estranged from the sensation of. That’s my mom or that’s my dad or that’s my parent or, that’s my, you know, safe, safe person that’s my protector, that’s my, you know, we never knew what that was like, and there are some times in the year where that energy really gets going, and that I know for a lot of us this is it. So I hope that you know we can be so tender hearted with ourselves, but also because, you know, in the spirit
of our own emotional growth and forgiveness, which is choosing to give up our upset. For the sake of our own hearts, and our own movement and our own joy and also let people out of prison, you know let emotionally speaking energetically speaking. Let people out of prison. You know how many decades, do we need to hold our parents hostage for the way they failed us. And I say that, you know, I feel like I have some credit. I can say that, because I had those parents, you don’t I mean, but carrying it that way is not healthy for me and I don’t feel it’s healthy for my parents, wherever they are. Now, you know, they were all just people trying to do. Trying to get through their experience and it doesn’t excuse any of their behaviors. But how many decades, do we need to go around being sort of hindered by what happened to us. I don’t want to let that define my experience. I don’t want to let that ruin my, the quality of my life and my health. And so back to what I was saying a little bit ago, I do think about the stories about how my parents barely knew each other. And the baggage that they came through, you know, their experiences. What that how they shaped them. Again, none of this excuses anything, you know, but you might want to be thinking about that because some of us were really stuck on how we’re, you know the one parent who is the narcissist or the alcoholic or the abuser or the abandoned or or the selfish, child. You think you’re supposed to have a parent but they’re, they end up being the small one, you know, you’re the big one and they’re the small one. whatever it is. I wonder what the next steps are for you. How are you going to advance this narrative, because I want us to live a life where we feel emotionally free, where we are released from certain behaviors that we do, like controlling behaviors because we never learned how to trust the people, the big people as little kids we couldn’t trust the big people. So we grew up learning how to control things to keep ourselves safe, or, you know, the anxiety, we still carry or the depression, the sadness, the anger, the adults still looking for a parent. Do you ever meet people like that. I mean,
it’s. There was a long time where I was really grieving the loss of my mother and not just this was after my mom died, and I don’t mean that she died, I mean that I’ve finally finally finally finally realize like, I missed out on the whole energy of mothering, and, like, really I did, and what was I going to do about that. How was I going to get that part of me that was still wanting that and knowing it’s over, I mean there are no more chances, you know, when your mom dies. That’s it. You think, but, you know, I have since learned that all of life is a mother and friends can be a mother. When you lose a parent, it can be so challenging but also all of life can be a mother, and you can mother, each other. If you’re in a relationship that’s good you can allow yourself to be mothered you can ask for your needs to be met and trust that people will show up with the love and kindness to bring that to you. It’s definitely an act of courage to recognize where you missed out where you didn’t feel that you were taken care of, and you still want to experience that. And, you know, it’s really tough, when you go on to have your own kids, and you still don’t feel like you have a parent for you. I know that place too. And that’s why our friends are so important. Our sister, our, our circles are so important, and it’s, you know, never, it’s never too late for us to find that in each other it’s never too late. No matter how old you think you are, or how late, the time has gotten there is still time for you to open your hands and let yourself be held as Rumi would say, and also to decide to be somebody who holds, other people, and this is for everybody, for our. The guys who love to listen to this podcast, you know, you guys can be there for each other as well, and it is possible, it’s just naming it for yourself, letting yourself know that this is something you want, tenderness, tender hearted friends, friends who are genuine and supportive, loving, for you. Yeah. And often it means deciding to go first. I know for me, this Mother’s Day. I had received some beautiful notes, and messages and gifts in the mail from friends I help friends on the journey, and it really is touching to me. When somebody says you are so much more like the mother I always wanted, than the mother I actually had, you know, I really understand that. And I also took some time to say Robin, I’m so glad you said yes in your heart to showing up and mothering other people as best you can to show up and be a friend to others learn to be a friend to your own heart, of course, but also to decide. Yeah, I’m going to step in and when people say to be, you know, you’re like a mom I wish I had had, or your mice, like a spirit mom to me you know spirit mama. I’m so honored, you know, and it feels special, and sometimes that’s the best thing going because in your own family, you might not have so much of that. I know as a stepmom. It’s a different experience for me on Mother’s Day, you know, so I love showing up and being there for, for each other and I hope that you are. That’s something you’re thinking about as well. Not that it’s your job, but we can give and receive this kind of love, even with a little furry pet. A little four legged baby, it’s totally possible. Something I just remember I said, I want to talk a little bit for people who struggle with this kind of stuff.
So I feel a little bit tender about saying this, but one of the things that brought me to studying the Course of Miracles, was my own suffering about family stuff about not really finding my place in things and like I said two people come together and they get married and they’re in love, in our case, you know, we’re in love my parents case they were in love, and we’re not thinking about baggage we’re not thinking about unpacking things and so you stumble your way into stuff that you don’t know how to deal with, and maybe you didn’t have role models, I certainly, even if I had parents I could talk to they weren’t alive by the time I was married and parenting, you know, with number one, so you’re out there on your own flying solo and that’s pretty much what brought me to the Course of Miracles just finding a way to not suffer so much at the Daily upsets emotional upset about my own upbringing, but also the memories that comes your being a parent yourself or your own inadequacies where you realize you just didn’t learn how to be a good parent, from your own parents. I hope that makes sense to some of you. So one of the things that really strengthened me right out of the Course of Miracles kind of is like all the guidance you could ever seek for is right there inside your own heart. If you can be still and ask the question of the the enlightened one, who lives in your own heart. Help me, help me know, help me find the way through this day, helped me. Tell me what to do, tell me what to say, tell me how to help me feel better, whatever it is you can certainly quiet yourself and say that prayer.
You know, one thing that I really, really learned in my studies is, I’m the one creating the experience I’m having. So if I was feeling lonely or excluded or unloved, you know, like I didn’t have a mom to go to and hug and this makes me cry just, you know, thinking about it, but there is still for those of you who get that, you know there’s still a place in your heart that you can be still. And you can receive, you can connect with that energy, and it’s quite possible that the earth mother or the mother. Your mother always intended to be the energy of that you can connect with her still, or your father or, you know, I talked to a lot of people in a week, and the experience of loneliness and feeling alone, it is not. It’s a pretty universal thing, the way we would tell the story is very different probably but it’s something I hear a lot, so don’t forget that you can connect inside your own heart, and also to give that energy out, it’s very healing to be outside and to be friendly to just to smile at people and receive that smile back, instead of looking like you’re busy and on your phone because you don’t know how to interact with people, you know, reach out, make that move. But you know, the big thing is we’re creating our experience by narrating it by constantly saying, You know I’m lonely or I’m unlovable or people didn’t love me the way I wanted to be loved or I wasn’t acknowledged you know a lot of mums. I’m just saying because it’s Mother’s Day and dance, too. I mean, we’ll talk about this closer to Father’s Day, but a lot of the guys. I know you know they also don’t feel like knowledge, they don’t feel like they’re getting, they’re getting the acknowledgement and the and the thank yous and the accolades, you know, so this, like I say universal experiences here, but a lot of the perspective is what we’re creating for ourselves. And that means we can uncreate it, as well, you know we can decide differently, we can choose a new experience, we can choose a new narrative, and it does take your courage. It takes your courage to decide to Mother yourself to parent yourself to move through your own resistance to your feelings, or to acknowledging your feelings. Oh my gosh so much courage to forgive our parents, for not knowing for their own shortcomings, to have some compassion to think about the year it was when your parents were born, and the year it was when their parents were born, I mean, I think about things like my mom being three years old at the beginning of World War Two, in Germany, with the bombings, you know, or your parents, and where they were going through World War Two, or, you know what I’m saying, you can think about things, wasn’t that long ago that many generations ago that kids were looked at as farmhands to work the land. It’s not that long ago. And my point is that perhaps we can have a little bit more compassion and understanding for why they weren’t expert lovers expert parents why they weren’t experts at offering kindness and compassion that we needed.
And to let ourselves, could we also let ourselves off the hook. I think it’s incredibly challenging to raise yourself. If your parents left early. When you were young. Your parents weren’t there, or your parents weren’t there, but they were there, you know, talk that you had child parents that were childlike and selfish narcissistic and couldn’t be the parent you needed them to be. I know people who grew up in orphanages, even though their parents work here because they couldn’t handle it. The parents sent their kids away that was a common thing. My stepdad, lived in an orphanage Monday through Friday. I know Wayne Dyer did as well, I mean this is a lot of people talk about this experience. Sometimes it’s a powerful thing to open our hearts a bit more and just consider what it must have been like for everyone. And could we have a little more love and compassion, and no, forget that includes us to forgive ourselves. If you feel that sense, Like you didn’t do it right and you could have done it better, obviously, that it’s your fault. If your kid turned out a certain way, you know like, we just blame ourselves so quick, but maybe we could open our hearts a bit more. And, you know, you got to ask yourself what your next steps are around this healing journey. What is your next step, because we just don’t want to stay here for another 10 years, you know, and I’m always here to help. If I can, if you feel called, you know, look into some time with me one to one. I be honored to help you unpack some of this information about that as below the podcast here that you’re listening to my guess, one more thing is just know you’re never alone. You’re not the only one who has this, you’re not the only one who feels this way. And sometimes it’s such a powerful thing to let yourself connect to the other people out there. This is another thing I always loved about the Course in Miracles in the teachers manual it talks about this kind of stuff that we’re all, we’re out there, and we’re connected. And yes, We may not meet each other in real life, but there could be some strength in knowing you’re not the only one going through this, and also that we’re being looked out for looked after, you know, by the creative essence of this whole universe. And, yeah, sometimes it’s a stretch to choose to let that be a soother a comforter, but it’s still there, you know, it doesn’t change the fact that the love, the universal love is there for you. Yeah, so. May that serve you today. Beautiful. Cheers.
I thought today for inspiration that I would just, I wouldn’t snack just I would read to you a song, because you do not want me to sing to you don’t want me to sing it to you, but one of my favorite, favorite songs, is the sinead o’connor song, this is to Mother you, do you know that song. I will link it up in the show notes here. If you go to Robin hallett.com slash 135. Back in the day when I was running retreats or healing, a nighttime, like I would have an event called sacred view, we would I would sometimes play this song, and it’s such a beautiful lyric. The words are so beautiful and personal experience, speaking here. Sometimes when you know you need to release, you need to grieve, you need to move some energy out. song is a very productive way to do that. So, I have found that to be super effective. Yes. So let me read it to you. Not saying it. Here we go. You ready. This is to Mother you to comfort you and get you through, through when your nights are lonely, through. When your dreams are only blue. This is to Mother you.
This is to be with you,
to hold you and to kiss you to for when you need me, I will do what your own mother didn’t do, which is to Mother you all the pain that you have known all the violence in your soul, all the wrong things you have done. I will take from you. When I come on mistakes made in distress. All your unhappiness. I will take away with my kids. Yes, I will give you, tenderness for a child. I am so glad I found you. Although my arms have always been around you. Sweet Bird, although you did not see me. I saw you, and I’m here to Mother you to comfort you and get you through, through when your nights are lonely, through when your dreams are only blue. This is to Mother, you
beautiful. Maybe that’s the universal mother, the universal mother singing to you.
I hope you will
play the song, there’s a lot of different versions some duets, but Sinead O’Connor is the writer and singer of the one is the writer and the singer of the one I love. You know, I hope that you are willing to give yourself some of the tenderness, you need, and spend time, it’s never silly and often I noticed people are quite impatient with their experience. And I really think it’s a fear based thing that makes us so impatient with our own feelings, take the time, you matter. If you’re feeling like you’re missing out if you’re sad. If you’re feeling like there’s a part of you that isn’t complete. You can mother yourself, you can give yourself what you’re needing, like I say, you can ask for help. Yeah, so, so important. Cheers. I really hope you’ll listen to the song.
Here we go. This is the part I like to ask you to share this podcast on share this with a friend you thought of bringing it up in a conversation where somebody is asking for support or help or acknowledging, just sometimes how fragile life is suggest this podcast, can always share it on social media or mention it somewhere. And I always appreciate your acknowledgement of what you’re learning here, when you share. When you share. Thank you so much for that. I’ve been getting some messages from you this week saying I wanted you to know. I turned another friend on to the podcast and she’s loving it too, and I heard from several of you around actually around the world, South Africa, cork. I didn’t say right did I, in Ireland, Pennsylvania, California, where else did I hear this, Arizona, so just to name a few, and I’ve loved your messages, this week I said, you know last week I’d love to hear your experiences about the podcast, and I loved hearing from you, and I thought I would read some of these, but they’re also like I love you, Robin, and I don’t want to sound like I’m self a grand dicing. So, you know, it’s so it’s so touching to know that. It’s so touching to know that you are receiving, and you’re feeling met, you know, by what’s being shared here, and on a personal note, speaking personally, I think you know if you’ve been listening here for a minute or two. I think you know already what a big deal it is for me to do this podcast and every week.
Pretty much without fail, or unless I’m on vacation or, you know, taking a little bit of a break. It’s a big deal to show up and speak like this for an hour, often sharing vulnerable experiences, sharing my healing journey with you, revealing things about myself that sometimes later, you may not know this but people say, frankly, some really stupid things to me, publicly, sometimes, and if you’re. And I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings but I think you know I’m sure you’ve had this done to you as well and if you’re sensitive and tender like I am, which you probably are. He kind of makes you want to take your Barbies and go home and never come back again, and what your private messages to me do that I’m not going to read here today but I sat and really received them this week, so I don’t want you to know I want. I want you to know it was not in vain. Okay, that’s what I’m trying to say here. I take that in, personally as healing and encouragement to keep going. Because there are times where I just feel like I, you know, this is a great week to be telling you that because it’s hard to talk about stuff. I may sound awesome. You know, but it’s difficult to share things and I do worry, and I don’t always enjoy the certain kinds of feedback I get when I do, just being really honest and I again hope it doesn’t hurt anybody’s feelings. But yeah, I gotta be honest with you there. So, I am thankful for your messages. And, yeah, and I was really excited to hear from a number of you that you really are having your own Aha, about the stories you were raised with from last week, the stories, the traditions the things you thought mattered the things you thought you were supposed to be going for that you’re undoing some of that you’re allowing yourself to unwind some of that, isn’t that so powerful and wonderful. And there are several of you working on and I hope it went wonderfully well that this Mother’s Day. You were not going to be set up setting yourself up for that. Nobody loves me vibe, nobody remembers me kind of story I think that’s a pretty big one. A lot of us can be stuck in, you know. Yeah, so. So I thank you for sharing. I thank you for sharing your experiences and helping people find this love, who really are needing it too, you know, and a friend of mine the other day, I wrote her and said, Wow, this is the second time you’ve shared the podcast is the friend, I’ve known for years. And in my experience, maybe she’s never shared anything publicly so two weeks in a row was kind of like whoa, so I just wrote and said thank you so much, and she said, Well, I’ve always been worried people would think I was a weirdo. Because, you know, the woowoo on the podcast and. But I realized I just want to share, get it out there, Let people let people decide for themselves, and I think that’s so amazing, but I mean, I’m telling you, this is not Whoo. This is just every day, my friend. This is the stuff we’re all thinking about but we don’t acknowledge, we’re worried if you’re somebody who worries about what other people think you’re just not talking about this openly. So, I have heard that for years, that the reason people are afraid to share is they don’t want other people to know that they’re a weirdo. Well, you know, this is hardly weird. That’s what I have to say in my world. You know what’s weird in my world, how dysfunctional, we can be, because we don’t know how to get real, and be with our feelings and talk like what’s really going on and acknowledge what’s really happening. I think that’s what’s weird that we, we sit through a whole evening together and pretend nothing’s wrong, or we pretend that we’re less interested than we are that we don’t express our love for each other, that you have friends that never tell you they love you because they don’t want to seem weird, you know, I think that’s weird so there.
There’s my counter wheeled to the weird. Okay, the weird. That’s what’s weird, yes. And speaking of weird, keep wanting to say, I got my first good weird hug from a girlfriend of mine Hello Lisa. I was telling you I went for my mammogram last week and I got the weird exam, and I said, Boy, I haven’t been touched like this and a whole year. We laughed so hard, the nurse and I about that because you know, when are you being touched like this except in a mammogram but you know it was just perfect with the pandemic. And one of the things I had said is it really put me in touch with how much I miss hugging my friends in real life, just hugging in general. And so, Right on cue, my girlfriend, Lisa texted me and said I’m going to be in your area, can I stop by and say hello and it was so good to hug in person. And it was really funny because she brought me to fig trees in Chicago, they do have Hardy trees you can grow in zone five. So I’m now the proud mama of two baby fig trees. And I also had plants for her, you know, I picked out some of my best looking seedlings of a sweet pea and a scarlet runner bean and a blue flower or a morning glory I can’t remember, some of them I forgot to label, you know, and the leaves, You think you’re gonna know but the leaves. After a while you can tell, so I guess she’ll be surprised with me which color those flowers are but it was so lovely like to be face to face with a girlfriend and the hug and, gosh, such a wonderful thing. So, just wanted to say that. Hi. Hey, Lisa. So I guess we’ll move on to this week’s letter I have a great letter. Several of you sent letters, relating to this theme of parenting so let me pull one up right here. No. And I’m just going to jibber jabber while I look this up, friends. Yeah. Do you like my Dipper damper. You can’t, I cannot jibber jabber and look somebody up apparently. Okay, here we go. This goes out to Mandy. Thank you so much for writing, and you know friends if I can read the letter for you. It’s as easy as emailing me. Hello, at Robin Hallett Comm, or you can direct message me on Facebook or Instagram. And just let me know it’s for the podcast, I love to read your letters here, and I know all of us. We enjoy hearing them. So this goes out to you, Mandy, and thanks again. Good morning, Robin. I’m in a weird spot in my life right now, I’m 55 years old, with an 18 year old, and almost 17 year old. I’m on the struggle bus most days, with so much regret, regarding the way I did things raising them, and many other things. It’s high time I let it all go and move on but I’m having trouble stopping my thoughts from remembering and regretting. And even though I deeply believe in living in here and now, it’s still a challenge. Do you have suggestions on how to stop my ruminating on old regrets. It would be much appreciated. With love, Mandy. Well my friend, you know, I really appreciate this so much. I think a lot of my sample regrets, and it took my throat out right there. Did you hear it. Oh, I do do. I do too. So my secret is to be very present with myself and with what happened. It’s not a one and done kind of thing. If it was, you would be over it by now, it would keep revisiting us, so we need to make peace with our upset. We need to let it be here, and, like, the Course of Miracles says, Let all things be exactly as they are. And I’m misappropriating that lesson a little bit but I love it so much because it happened, you know, it’s in the past and it happened. No,
right, everything you’re thinking about right now, remembering and regretting it happened. One, to let it be. Let it be so let it be. I mean history is a tricky thing, I am here to tell you that two people never seem to remember the same event, the same way. So that’s one thing but in your case if you’re feeling bad about stuff. Let yourself acknowledge exactly what happened, and are you willing to love yourself, even though you did things raising your kids and other certain things you did them, you did it. You made mistakes. You behaved how you behave. You said what you said. Some people tell me stories where they favor one sibling over the other and it creates a kind of energy and then later they feel so regretful about it, you know, whatever it is, whatever you think you did whatever you did, do let it be here, let it get some air. Let it get some air. I know we’re ashamed. I know we’re embarrassed. I know we’re sorrowful. I know there is nothing we wouldn’t give to have that removed from our history, to have that never have happened. You know, I know, cuz me to my friend. But also, let it be here, it happened. Can you love yourself. You know you’re worthy and deserving of love. So for every time you remember and you regret. You tell yourself. You tell yourself, I love you. Yep, yep, you did that. Yep. You said that he probably would have been better if you did this other thing, and I am willing to love you. I’m willing to love you. Willing to love you. You know I want to add a memory creep up I was in the movie theater, watching a movie, and I had a memory creep up like this. I don’t know if it was triggered by the movie I don’t even remember the movie anymore but I had a ring on this, my, not my wedding band but a rain I always wear and it has a heavy band and I hit my self so hard, like, you know when you cover your eyes, you cover your mouth you cover your eyes I’m doing now. Oh, like that. I cracked my tooth, I hit myself so hard that I cracked my tooth. Yeah. You know, these things have their own energy to them, and if you can have the courage to witness what happened, as you remember it and say, You are a good person. I love you. Yes, that happened, and I love you anyway. You know, you might want to think about some mirror work looking in the mirror and saying I’m willing to love you man, they are, whoever is relating to this because I know there are tons of us relating to this right.
So, it is powerful to think I believe in living in the here and now. But those old ruts, they come and the ego loves that old stuff. The ego is not you, and the egos job is to stay alive, so it loves to turn these attacking upsetting regretful stories, so you can’t just, you know, plug our ears and go lalalalala I’m not listening. Can’t hear you, you know, did you ever see Lord of the Rings where Gollum is No, don’t say it Robin. I’m thinking of a scene in The Lord of the Rings, with Gollum, trying to plug his own ears. While his alter ego is trying to shout over his lalalalala and not listening, you know, eventually, it just gets louder and louder and louder. So you’ve got to have the brave move of being here, and then you will move on, or you’ll fold it into the batter of the richness of who you truly are. Just because you weren’t there in certain ways you feel like you weren’t there in certain ways for your kids or you made these moves, you know, doesn’t mean you aren’t an amazing mother, or an amazing person. You know I’ve sat through therapy sessions with people, and I’ve been in some of my own family sessions, it can become so petty. Down to the saying, Yes, he did. No he didn’t. Yes you did. I know. Yes he did. You know, you have no control over how petty the other people want to be or specific harping on the one thing over and over and over. Yeah, and in no way am I trying to say any of this is petty, you know, I hope you know what I mean, just the way people can get stuck on one specific detail like you didn’t pick me up from school. This one day, you know, and in, and you could be, you could have picked them up 893,000 times. And you can understand the gravity of that experience for your kid or for you as a child. I mean, things have happened to all of us. However, we must develop the capacity to hold all of it, to include those 8000 other times that it did happen. If we’re looking for wholeness. Eventually we must give up our fierce stance on the everything that was wrong, the black and white of it all, we must. You know the, and start to incorporate. No, for our own homeless. So, I am not trying to say any of it is petty like it doesn’t matter. I’m saying, you may encounter this where the other person is unwilling to budge from their position that you are evil because you didn’t pick them up on time, you know, twice, or something like that, it can get down to that and maybe we’ve all been there, and I’m really sincerely as I’m saying this, you know what I’m hoping right now somebody out there listening is having an AHA about someone they need to forgive because it’s hurting you, to keep holding this fierce. Fierce story. You know, with all said and done things we wish. You know, do you know what it’s like to lay awake in the night and wish so hard, you didn’t do the thing you did. Gosh, when they be lovely if we could forgive. We can’t control the timing of other people, we can control the minds of other people. We’ve tried, haven’t we, we can’t control it. You can’t control that. But what you can control is the love and the recognition that just because a few things, or a bunch of things, sort of, did not go the way you see, they could have gone today doesn’t mean you aren’t amazing and doesn’t, doesn’t mean you’re any less loved or lovable.
Nope, doesn’t change that doesn’t change it one bit. So, I was saying earlier that you’re the one that creates the stories that imprison you and you’re the one that has the key to set yourself free. And, you know some people tell me the story. I’m thinking of one friend right now for a decade has been telling me the story that she’s a piece of carp. And she’s willing to love herself anyway. But the story has not advanced. So, you may, you may want to look into why hasn’t the story advanced, if you’ve been working on this, I’m not saying this is just for Mandy, but some of us we just get really in a groove and like for a decade we tell the exact same story the exact same wave, wave. I don’t know. Just go with it. The exact same wave, and no movement is made, it’s time to make some moves, and you’re the only one that knows what the next steps are for you. You know, maybe your next step is to show up more, maybe your next step is to actually say the words. If you haven’t, I talked about this last week I suggest going back and listening to Episode 134 You are essential. I talk about this with our own kids and how I truly feel I have made my peace. But also, and what the kids choose to do with that is not up to me. You know, So just because we make our piece, and somebody else is still upset doesn’t mean you didn’t do it. You know, so you’re gonna have to just sit with what your own next steps are. Know that all you can do is take care of your own heart, and take care of your own stories and really, to me there’s nothing really outside of you, that you can control. Anyway, so I would do this work internally and I’m always here to do the work with you. Mirror work. That’s really one big huge thing look yourself in your own eyes, with so much love. That’s what you need, you deserve it. Yeah. So, there you go, hope it helps and please, if this is interesting to you, I’d love to hear from more of you I have a few more letters now, it’s been really great. This is a hot topic apparently parents and kids. So we will keep. We will keep going with that next week. Yes. So, here we go. It is a beautiful afternoon as I’m finishing this up, and I am watching, I can see surely that Robin bird. She is squishing her nest together with a little mud right now dip in her head in wiggling her body, it’s so amazing. I hope you can find a bird’s nest and there’s plenty of online on YouTube if you’d like to watch a Robin’s nest just to feel the full effects of what I’m saying here. There are nest cams on YouTube, you can Google Robin’s nest and find one. So beautiful. I’ll try and see if I can put a few photos somewhere I’m not sure, but we’ll see in the show notes 135 Well, friends. That wraps, another awesome episode in the can, as I like to say, I’m so happy we write together, you know, And, and, if you have been feeling lonely and alone, and the only one in your experience, remember that I’m here, and we’re walking together. I’m always here to help, just reach out. It’s that simple. This has been me, Robin, hearts bachler Hamlet, and I’m going to see you here next time. Next week, or in a few minutes.
Life is very short, Let’s make the very most of you are a precious gem and. Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo doo. We are here to shine and shine bright you.
Life is precious and you shine like you. Rock it like you really, really believe, and name, and mean that
you that you are coming to our country. Thank you.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai