Do you ever worry about your habits? Are you sometimes fixated on what you’re doing wrong?
I’m here to tell you that focusing on the problem will only make it worse for you.
Let’s try an approach that will actually help you heal as you learn to love and embrace all of who you are too.
This week, on Tea with Robin, I talk about our perceived “bad habits” and the way we judge ourselves for having them. This makes so many problems for us without really ever addressing the actual issue underneath. I share ideas on how you can practice being more loving with yourself and share some stories from people I’ve helped through this. This week’s inspo is a very Hakuna Matata approach to life and our letter comes from a friend sharing love and appreciation for the things we might not always see as good in us. All this and more. Grab a cuppa yum yum and meet me here.
🎧 Listen to Episode 51: Habits, Hakuna Matata, #loveandappreciation
This episode is also available wherever you enjoy podcasts
Send a letter to Robin for the show
My session notes including time stamps are below
My notes from this show:
Today’s episode goes out to anyone who has worried ever about what you perceive as bad habits… it’s okay to enjoy what you enjoy.
So good to be back with you! How are you today, my friend? How’s the weather in your heart? Are you treating yourself like you’re the most amazing dignitary there ever was? I hope you are, you matter so much, you are so important!
Especially in the morning, first thing, to stop and love + affirm yourself, it changes the energy of your whole day. Sets you up to be happy and at peace in your heart.
I talk about working around the house, making things so beautiful just for us! And how rewarding that is, to believe in the specialness you deserve.
Did you know the song from our podcast was recorded in one take, without any rehearsing… and we made up the words in the moment?! Woot!
Today I want to talk about a topic that a lot of us will appreciate: our habits, our coping strategies, and the way we judge ourselves. My intention is by the end of the episode you will feel happy in your heart about what you choose to do, you’ll be in alignment with your choices instead of beating yourself up.
6:14 I offer a prayer for us all to accept the changes happening and ride easier in our hearts.
8:43 I share a story about working around the house and resenting it and finding this little caterpillar who turned it all around for me. I just want to have a sweet Sunday instead of working. As entrepreneurs, we end up working all the time, and doing chores anytime and it can totally suck! We ended up going to a movie and dinner and it was so fantastic. I share my tests to #1 and his response, and the movie we saw Hakuna Matata, baby!
15:40 Pause and notice… something’s not feeling easy and gentle here… We struggle with coping and then we numb out and then we judge ourselves.
I talk to a lot of people in a week who struggle with their habits. Whether it’s sugar or alcohol or work or television or relationships… this topic people call addiction.
I don’t really love the word addiction. I think it has a lot of icky attached to it and it brings up feelings which add more problems. So I’d rather call it numbing ourselves in order to cope which frees us up to address the issue beneath the habit.
I’ve worked with lots of friends over the years who have some varying issues that they think is a problem for them and these friends are so hard on themselves! They have a lot of judgments about it.
I am talking about US, the average drinker, user, the average eater. This is not a conversation geared toward serious extremes, this is just about us, the average.
17:10 Let’s take sugar for example. We can turn our entire lives upside down about sugar habits. We can get so wrapped up in our sugar consumption! It was a good eating day, it was a bad eating day… and on the bad days you can beat yourself up for this. Which actually creates a craving to have more sugar. And then you can keep saying, I must be bad I am doing it wrong.
Pay attention to the way you allow a story to be so big that it consumes your awareness. Think of your own issue… where do you have a problem? You actually have a problem with the way you judge it, the story you tell. And all that energy makes so much MORE cravings and desire to check out.
I’ve worked with people who wanted to stop drinking 12 packs daily,
Peeps who hid in the bathroom bingeing doughnuts
Sobriety “experts” who are still smoking pot
19:45 Women who come and say, I shouldn’t have eaten that cake today! How would it be to decide we are going to rise above that level of petty picky hard hearted living?
The way to cut back, if you really want to, is to come into alignment with your choices. When you have a wonder or worry about it, stop and take a check in with your own heart. Become very conscious of what you’re doing and focus your energy there with love.
If you enjoy wine but you then beat yourself up for it afterward, something is not in alignment there. It’s not great to be in a state of resistance against your own heart.
I help friends to try out the thing they enjoy but later judge in a new way. Sit and enjoy it with no other distractions – sit outside and enjoy yourself. And what everybody finds is this thing we thought was so horrific is actually okay and we do it a lot less.
22:00 Just consider your own thing. Everybody has a thing. That’s the nugget today. When you get quiet and still you will find the one who is freaking out on some level and that’s why we want to numb out/check out. So if you take a heart like yours already holding stress and then you add on a layer of strict, militant diet (or some other kind of) restriction, it’s really a recipe for disaster.
Stay in dialog with yourself about your behavior. Be kind and gentle with your choices. And then if you make a decision to eat the pizza, have the sugar, smoke those cigarettes, make it the right choice – be in alignment with your decision.
The ego loves to usurp the moment. It loves these opportunities to observe your fears and whisper to you about who you are and who you are not.
If this is resonating, I refer you to this YouTube video I did: Do My Bad Habits Mean I’m Not Spiritual?
What I know for sure is that we are so loved and wanted in the world, exactly as we are – no changesies, no take backs. And, the stuff we cling to, sometimes violently, creates so much more stress.
For me, it’s always about learning to recognize what’s going on and coming into your heart and being kind and gentle. Understanding your issues is about being present with yourself. Learning to love ourselves AS IS is the most important work we’re ever going to do.
24:40 The tendency to numb out is just an attempt to cope. We’re having a hard time dealing with what’s happening in the moment. Coping is a strategy we all use from time to time.
Instead of judging ourselves, how would it be to accept it? Learn to use the feeling to be reminded to check in with your heart, what’s happening here, kiddo? Instead of doing anything like justifying your behavior or just worrying on and on. It’s like waiting in a line going nowhere. It serves nothing. What does it give you to say, at least I don’t drink a case of beer every day!
For you, the can of frosting could be equally as devastating as a story in your head as the person who drinks a 12 pack of beer every night. Each of us has our own way to occupy ourselves and be distracted.
The Course in Miracles says it best: There is no such thing as a small upset, all upsets are equally disturbing to our peace of mind.
Better or worse habits is really not a helpful focus. To me all upset is on the same wavelength. Better to check in with your heart with gentle, loving attention and steady focus. Do not join Jenny Craig at this point! It’s too soon…and reactionary. This would be a move in order to cope again which is more like numbing out. We have to learn to love ourselves. And if we can do that, we can learn to be kind and gentle as part of the coping mechanism too.
Be your own friend right inside the anxiety and tension.
28:00 I share a little wisdom from my dad.
When you decide you are OFF anything, like sugar for example, you are actually focusing on it and the energy expands. So the cravings expand. I’d rather we practice being kind and gentle, being aware of what we’re doing, having a process of gently inquiring about the cravings.
I’m no stranger to numbing out. I have helped myself exactly as I am outlining here.
I mention the post about Tangible Joy. Going overboard is not the same thing as joy. We came here to be fully alive and in our delight but if we are doing things to excess, that’s not Tangible Joy.
To be present and love ourselves is really the only thing that can heal “addiction.”
31:24 We’ve seen it time and again with famous artists, no amount of fame or fortune could heal that disconnect, this struggle with coping and numbing.
So it’s always about coming back to your heart and asking what would you love? Honestly, it’s fine if you love what you love and enjoy it.
You’re not being evil, you’re not being bad, but if you say you are… you will notice a huge world of hurt because you’ve been narrating that story in your own head.
Eat the pizza, drink the wine and be at peace with it or NOT. But you have to pick.
All of life can bring stress and numbing out even the good stuff. That’s the point. We need to learn to tolerate our light and joy too. Read: Little birdies need love too: understanding why we numb
Learning to be present with yourself is the answer, always.
If you want that strict, militant energy to subside then you have to be kind.
That militant energy sucks the joy right out of you.
Restricting the “numbing device” only does nothing to heal the energy driving it in the first place.
Learn to say, it’s okay, I’ve got this.
Perhaps you’re over doing things and this is why it’s happening — too much stress, too much busyness, too many caregiver things — and if you can also work on that, perhaps you will need less coping.
More loving kind attention towards yourself. Learn to show up for yourself inside the emotion that’s causing you to check out. That’s it. That’s the answer.
No matter what you’re doing, I want you to know, you are perfectly perfect and wholly loved. You’re a good person and you’re okay.
36:00 Inspiration this week:
Let yourself off the hook. It doesn’t have to be a constant battle. There’s nothing wrong with doing less, it’s okay, take time to play. Dance when nobody else is. Let yourself be loose and free, it’s the ultimate healer. If you’re struggling at all, that’s really what’s missing… so what can you do to shift your work to play ratio?
We order pizza on Saturdays and listen to music and make cocktails and jibber jabber. It doesn’t have to be a constant battle… and if it is, that’s the sign we’ve oriented our lives in a very small way. Let yourself go and enjoy yourself a bit!
40:00 This week’s letter:
From Lauren, #loveandappreciation who shares about the work I offer and how it has helped her make her way. Interesting to note, the things she shares are the things I used to shame myself for 😉
Show references below
A Course in Miracles Quotes:
The Course in Miracles says it best: There is no such thing as a small upset, all upsets are equally disturbing to our peace of mind. – A Course in Miracles Workbook Lesson 51
You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.
Related links for this episode:
Books mentioned in this episode:
You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.
Thank you for listening, may it serve you!
Hugs and love,
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🎧 Episode 51: Do you ever worry about your perceived bad habits? Do you judge yourself for the things you do? That’s what this episode is all about. I am sharing stories and examples from friends I’ve helped and woot, my intention is for you to embrace what you love more fully without the guilt or shame ☕🎡🥓🌭🍕🍕🍕🍹🍸🍦🎂🍰 The thing about focusing on your eating, drinking, smoking, working, or whatever else… it’s not really the issue and focusing only on that will most definitely create more problems. I share ideas on how you can practice being more loving + accepting of yourself instead of resisting your own heart. Love what you love! Tangible joy! No matter what you may think of yourself and your “bad habits,” the truth is always true that you are most beloved, cherished, wanted, and welcome in the world, exactly as you are — no changesies or takebacks. This week’s inspiration is about letting ourselves off the hook and bringing play and work more into balance. Our letter comes from a friend sharing love and appreciation for the things we might not always realize others admire in us. Plus lots of funnies, like Hakuna Matata, Modern Family, my favorite kind of icing, and that fat squishy caterpillar. There’s even a group healing for us rolling with the many changes we’re facing now. Hakuna Matata, baby… No worries for the rest of our days! All this and more. Grab a cuppa yum yum and meet me here. ❤️ Listen to Episode 51: Habits, Hakuna Matata, #loveandappreciation http://robinhallett.libsyn.com/episode-51-habits-hakuna-matata-loveandappreciation Link in bio for full episode on iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or wherever you enjoy listening Always, thank you so much for supporting the podcast! I appreciate your awesome reviews, and you sharing these episodes with friends who can benefit. Want me to read your letter on the show? DM me here or email hello @ robinhallett.com #teawithrobin @robinhallett
❤ Hello, sweet friend! I am available to work with you privately in session long-distance or in-person in Arlington Heights, IL learn more about working with me privately here. Did you know you can sign up to receive weekly inspiration straight to your inbox? Subscribe to my emails here. Always, if I can help, write to me here. Sending you love and peace! ❤