Note from Winston the Wonder Dog: My parents took me to the vet a few weeks ago because they said I was honking too much.
After all that poking and one unhappy thermometer experience, it turned out I had cancer.
I swear I felt fine, other than the honking.
My parents were brave. They made such a fuss over me–way more hot dogs and bacon in my days. And hamburger. And steak. And lots of massages and walks.
Basically they let me do whatever I wanted.
And yesterday, they were the bravest ever: They decided to let me rest for good.
As much as we all tried to make it work, we knew it was time to let go.
Daddy said, anything less would be selfish.
We went on several nice walks together, all of my family came to see me.
So many hugs, so much love.
And then we went to the vet together. This time there were no unhappy thermometers.
The vet gave me every last treat in the jar–she said I deserved them. I ate them all because food was my pleasure until the very last.
After that my parents held me and cried a lot.
I was pretty blissed out by then, I just went to sleep.
And then they went home without me.
And even though my mommy laid in bed this morning not wanting to face it, she decided to keep it real for the foreseeable future.
Over to you, Momma.
It was really hard waking up this morning.
I hardly slept last night.
Part of me was already downstairs, looking around in his familiar places, hoping to find him.
Part of me already feeling the devastating punch, he wouldn’t be there at the bottom of the stairs waiting.
So I laid there a bit longer, hiding away under comforter and pillows. I remembered another time when grieving involved lots of wine, Donkey Kong, and absolutely no idea what to do next and I got scared.
But I knew this wasn’t that anymore. So I let myself feel it. And I felt a deep appreciation for my journey and for all of us here walking together and I knew I could handle this.
I could ride the waves and stay afloat.
I owe a lot of that to Winston the Wonder Dog who we sometimes called His Hairiness the Doggie Lama.
He was as wise as he was adorable and never shied away from the scary, hard things.
And so I got up.
And I found #1husband waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.
We kept it real.
And then we remembered…
Don’t let anybody tell you how you should grieve.
Let yourself feel however you feel.
The fur and paws don’t diminish this sacredness one bit.
Remember the way the room lit up?
all that tail wagging, the snuffle-snuffle love?
Remember the kindness between you? The trust?
History was rewritten for you both.
How adored, special, and golden you were together.
Forever faithful, unconditionally loved.
Never forget the shared pizza crusts,
Leave those packages of uncooked bacon right where they are,
never mind the water-bowls,
the footstools, the butt-huts.
Leave it all, just keep him close in your heart.
Feel it all.
it will never ever be the same-ness,
so glad we had all this time-ness,
yes, even the relieved that it’s over-ness.
Watch the videos, look at the pictures.
Let yourself laugh AND cry.
Do not judge your Doritos or wine.
Remember his little snaggle-tooth,
those livery lips,
the strange way he banged on the dishes.
Know that you were perfect in his eyes.
It was a privilege and an honor, Winston the Wonder Dog.
You made my world a better place.
I was a fool for love.