On why we need to stop honoring our suffering like it’s the most important thing happening everrrrr and how to stop freaking yourself out in a bad way.
Want your happiness more than the upset. It’s something I talk about with friends often.
And I love it when my friends say, but how how how? How can I want the happiness and peace when my upset is all I can think about? How can I sit here and wish for joy when my heart feels like it’s being ripped out and my belly is doing flip flops? How do I do it when there is all this evidence pointing to how craptastic my life is right now?
My job is to help solve the upset while we remember the bigger picture. And the bigger picture is this: More is going right than wrong, so why are we going to zero in on what’s wrong as if it’s the only thing happening in your life?
Lots of folks spend time arguing for their upset.
They spend our sessions trying to convince me of the severity of their situation.
They’re all about the direness of things…
I am not. I am praying you are not also. Because there are no dire straights for us, only opportunities to wake up and choose again.
So maybe you’re splitting up, or maybe the business didn’t exactly fly on the launch date, or maybe you’ve got a sweet pet who isn’t gonna make it or a child who is ill without an answer, or all of the above plus you’re waaaay over 50 and you still haven’t made anything of yourself for chrissakes.
I hear stories like this every day, and the thing I want you to know most of all: this is a story you tell and choose to believe and it is holding you back.
It’s a story you tell.
It’s a story you choose.
It’s a story holding you back.
You’re quite normal to have upsetting thoughts and stories running through your brain.
The thing is, if we don’t catch that process happening quickly enough, we start to buy into the limitations of that thinking and pretty soon we will feel upset. And once we are upset, it drives the nail home… the thing we were just thinking has now become a certifiable fact.
There is more to the journey than this crap right here.
Don’t let the upset story allow you to dial your life down.
Don’t make the mistake in believing that peace can only be found in solving the upset! That’s a journey many of us are waking up from…we’ve been fighting fires for much of our lives and we’ve seen how more seem to pop up every day, not to mention how much the stress of it is wringing us dry.
When we believe the story that says: Only in losing weight can I find peace, only by getting out of debt will I find peace, only in making him love me again will I find peace, only in giving up sugar or alcohol or dairy will I find peace…only in ‘making something of myself’ will I find peace, we are training our brain to search for problems.
We’re training our brain to look for problems!
Did you hear me??
That means we’re telling our brain, above all else, give me problems!
That means solutions are not the priority, neither is happiness.
The quest to fix the upset is a never-ending fruitless journey
- You are not your ego thoughts
- Seeking to fix them is only going to bring you more
- It will tune your awareness to problems and you will continue to miss the deeper issue
Life is a practice, not a perfect.
Even when we transcend or heal or evolve past an area we used to regularly get snagged in, there will be another. That’s life. That’s the journey.
The point is, we are evolving. We are doing better all the time. We are learning to have compassion for our little selves who get lost and confused. We catch ourselves dancing with the shadows again. We find that we’ve been sitting at a tiny altar in hell all morning without realizing it and we get free again.
Only caring about the problems is like choosing to tune out the beauty and glory that is all around you. Helping ourselves to see how that happens and taking responsibility for our happiness is a very evolved, grownup thing to do.
Want your happiness more than the upset.
Know in your heart that you are here to live a life that is full of joy and pleasure, sprinkled with opportunities to practice remembering you have a choice.
The deeper issue is that you are here to shine and shine brightly. You are here to help others and make a difference in the world. And that means you must get a handle on this upset thing in order for you to get to the place where you are able to be of service, do your best, help people, remember God, I could go on but hopefully you get it…
I will say it’s pretty challenging for you to weather the storms without a foundation to cling to. For me that foundation is my Course in Miracles practice which is something I study and meditate on most days. There are so many beautiful teachings out there for you to follow, just pick something and get going. Life gets easier when we practice consistently. But in order for that to work, you need to commit from your own heart.
If I can do it, you can do it. It took me forever and I know you’ll be faster at this than me 😉
I am walking this path, just like you. I have anxiety and depression sometimes, just like you. I get pissed at people and want to (occasionally) hit them over the head with a small hammer (just to bonk them, I promise).
And I also know it isn’t easy, just like you. But for some CRAZY GOOD reason, you and I decided to take this journey of awakening. So here we are. (Where is the margarita mix?!!)
There is a part of me I catch again and again who believes in my upsetting stories and I’ve been helping her more and more by witnessing her story and choosing consciously, carefully, to not go down in flames with her.
I don’t need to correct her, I don’t need to explain anything to her, I don’t need her to change. We had that done to us enough growing up. We can just leave that little one right there and choose to move along with the bigger truth which is that more of me is interested in my freedom.
More of me is interested in freedom and I cannot allow myself to sit at this tiny altar of upset.
Sometimes you come right to the intersection between love and fear and you realize you are standing there.
You’re not exactly lost in either direction – there’s this inner awareness that both directions exist and you have the power to choose.
So what are you gonna choose?
Again, it’s not that you cannot be upset it’s not that you’re not grieving or releasing or processing what’s going on…it is totally okay to process what’s going on.
What’s not okay is the kind of malignant regression so many of us get caught in, where we continue to trigger our wound and the upset and the same tired story, we’re unlovable or we’re horrible eff-ups, or nobody wants what we have to offer, or we can’t rely on anyone and it’s all up to us, or it’s ALL going to hell in a hand-basket…we want to stop choosing that as THE reality. Because some seriously bad stuff comes with that thinking and to be honest, you’ve come too far for that now my friend.
You’ve got too much awareness on this journey to keep doing that thing you do. Choose a bigger picture and the updraft will carry you higher.
What if we made it our practice to stop honoring our suffering like it’s the most important thing?
Let’s decide powerfully that more of us is interested in what’s going right than we are in what’s going wrong.
We want our happiness more than the upset, right?