Ever been talking to a friend who’s relating details of their Big Awesome Success and feel yourself overcome with jealousy?
Where do you go inside yourself when that happens? What stories are you telling while you’re there?
If you’ve ever wondered how you can overcome jealousy, read on!
HI Robin – I was out to dinner with a friend recently and in the process of catching up I became extremely jealous at the successful and cool new things my friend is doing. While I was listening, I found it hard to look at her or to even smile. I know I am supposed to be happy and excited for my friend but honestly, I still can’t seem to stop myself from being upset. It almost feels like there won’t be anything left for me or something like that. It’s embarrassing to feel this way. I hope I’m not the only one having this problem? Thanks.
I’m really glad you wrote to me. It’s completely normal to feel jealous. The thing is, it can be a big road block on your personal journey, not to mention a deal breaker in your friendships.
I get the feeling you’ve been waiting for your own day in the sun.
My sense is what you’re actually doing is recognizing your own potential for success when you see the success of others.
Yes, you too have a unique spark, and this is something you’ve always known about yourself: You are supposed to be doing something awesome with your life. Am I right?
When you see someone else “doing it” or “being it” you feel upset, like you’ve missed your opportunity. Since someone else already got to the finish line, it’s as if the pot of goodies is somehow less for you.
Your jealousy is a sign.
It’s telling you that what you see in other people you’d like to have for yourself. (How is that a bad thing?)
Jealousy comes on fast and hard. Most of us get swallowed up by our own story of lack and insecurity and we can’t see this is actually a growth moment happening.
Sometimes you’re gonna get lost in the story of jealousy. You’ll be hit with insecurity. You’ll pout like a three year old. Hopefully you won’t stay there long.
And, once you realize what you’ve been doing you can make it right with the person whose parade you happen to be raining on while you’ve been a little self-absorbed.
Learn to welcome the discomfort of jealousy. It’s a gift wrapped in crappy packaging.
This is your growth moment.
When you get jealous, your higher self is trying to tell you there is work to be done. Don’t let yourself get lost in the superficial story. It isn’t about the bells and whistles you’re not getting. Deep beneath that story lies the Real Issue.
Time to do the work 🙂
Ask yourself: What is the part of me that gets jealous? How did this come to be?
Ask yourself: What part of me believes the story that there’s not enough goodies to go around?
My sense is that your unique spark has not been mirrored to you enough. (Mirroring means something is being reflected to you about yourself).
Here are some questions to help you:
- Were your successes celebrated?
- Was your uniqueness a cherished trait?
- Did you feel encouraged to “go for it”?
- Were your talents recognized?
- Who was the person in your life that made your accomplishments seem small and insignificant?
- Was there anyone who seemed insecure about themselves?
- Were you ever teased for being unique or original?
These questions speak to the way we’ve learned to block our own impulse towards “going for it”. Since we haven’t been given the healthy mirroring that we’re okay exactly as we are, we somehow feel thwarted when really going for what we want.
This kind of blockage leaves you feeling jealous of the people who are able to go for their lives in a way you would like to but haven’t.
I’m wishing you all the best with this. You’re okay 🙂 The way you’re feeling is normal. Just don’t stop there. Don’t obey that jealousy, go beneath it and see what goodies are being covered up.
You absolutely have a right to your own success in this world.
Go get ’em Tiger!
How can I help you? Did you make a connection reading this?
If this sparked anything for you personally, write to me, I’m here for you.