Tea with Robin

It’s OK to Rest // Tea with Robin Episode 129

It's OK to Rest

I wonder sometimes if we’re keeping in mind the kind of cloak of energy this pandemic can leave. We might be feeling the effects but that doesn’t necessarily mean we are personally depressed.

So how do we work with that energy? There’s more to it than just staying busy and waiting for this time to be over.

In this episode:

Are we allowing ourselves some time to rest? Do we know that It is okay to rest? To give yourself some time to relax, unwind, to unload is an important self-care practice.

When we factor in the kind of year we’ve been having, and the heaviness the pandemic can cast, it makes sense that many of us may be feeling weary. It is okay to rest.

This week’s inspiration: The poetry and inspiration from Mary Oliver

This week’s featured letter: From a friend who is experiencing disapproval from a spouse. As it comes to our uniqueness and the things we love to do, how do we handle differences of opinion and how can we work with this kind of conflict?

All this and more! Come grab a cuppa yum yum and meet me here:

Listen to this episode here or read the transcript (with timestamps) below.

🎧 Listen to Episode 129: It’s Okay to Rest

Complete transcript with timestamps here

Click here to jump to the links mentioned in this episode.

This episode is also available wherever you enjoy podcasts or downloadable here:

https://robinhallett.libsyn.com/episode-129-its-okay-to-rest


If this episode has been helpful, I’d appreciate you sharing this with anyone it may help. Click the share buttons above or below, or always I appreciate a review on iTunes

If I can read your letter and shine a little light for you, or you have a follow-up topic for a future episode write to me here.

To support the podcast, consider making a donation here.


Tea with Robin Podcast Show References

⭐Related links for this episode:

Episode 127: Nobody Needs to Get It But You

⭐Books mentioned in this episode:

Upstream: Selected Essays, Mary Oliver

House of Light, Mary Oliver

A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume

Every Book I have recommended on the podcast here

You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.

Thank you for listening, may it serve you!

Hugs and love,

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Tea with Robin Episode Unedited Transcript

0:01
Hello Beloved, it’s me, Robin. Robin Hallett intuitive healer and Light Sparkler at Robin Hallett, calm, and this is Tea with Robin. On today’s episode let’s talk about these days. I wonder if we’re aware that this pandemic exists experience does have a cloak of energy that weighs on all of us. And sometimes we can feel a little down. So how do we rest and reflect in times like now, our inspiration is coming to you from the beautiful Mary Oliver, and we’ll have a letter from a friend who’s wondering, how do I deal with trusting in myself, and following what I want to do, and the disapproval that sometimes comes from a spouse. We’ll talk about all of that coming up now. Come grab a cup of young young and meet me here. Well Hello Gorgeous soul. It’s me, Robin. Welcome back to the podcast Tea with Robin. This is episode 129 Welcome back. Welcome back friends if it’s your first time here, I’m Robin and intuitive energy healer friend on the journey, love to do this podcast, to help us learn, to grow, connect experienced community together like minded hearts like minded souls. I hope you find the things here, and thanks for giving it a listen. My gratitude to the friend who brought you here. Thank you. Friends returning. Hi, have you been, did you have a nice few weeks since I’ve been on spring break. I hope that you’ve been kind and gentle with yourself, loving what you love, allowing yourself to be as you are, you know, some weeks are more intense than other weeks, I would say these last few. Holy moly. There’s a lot going on in the world. And in terms of the pandemic. More of you are going back onto lockdown more restrictions again. And some of us are there easing up on things but we have other stuff going on, you know, there’s been a lot of violence in the US, a lot of gun violence, and that is brought its own intensity. I tell ya, and, you know, just the regular stuff going on, it’s easy to feel the heaviness, but not really know where it’s coming from, and then mistake it for your own. And so, it’s doubly triply quadruped Billy important that you love yourself, that you show up for yourself that you allow you to have the days you need to be having right now. That doesn’t always mean kicking your butt down the hallway in terms of diet and exercise and hydration and, you know, all these things that we do in the name of self care. It means being tender and mild and easing up on things for you. So I hope you have been that for yourself. How is the weather in your heart these days. I hope that you are being sweet and loving with yourself. You are precious cargo and you matter. Yeah, yeah. Over here. It’s a gorgeous day it’s super gray out, but it’s that purpley lavender I love so much, and the weather is pretty mild in the 40s here, I can hear the birdie singing the robins are back in full force. And, you know 4am I can’t help it. My bedroom is on an outer wall of the house and it’s like, I just, well, wait. Aren’t they all kind of anyway. No, it’s, it seems like I can hear a lot of noise outside, and the bird song has been just so beautiful. Sometimes I lay there in the dark smiling, I can’t help it.

4:51
I let this joy, greet me of the little birdies singing their song at freaking 4am Thank you very much, you know, you can wake up so I’m not happy about birdsong waking you up at four but then it just kind of comes over me this beautiful thing is bird. Yeah, I had a nice spring break time off, just decided, you know I really needed to take a little time for me. Nothing has to be wrong for you to do that, you know, I thought it was interesting the air if it seemed like the assumption is, there’s something going wrong, to take a break, but what if things are going right, and you just want to change things up and enjoy your time, have some fun. It was really lovely to have the weekends off because I’ve been recording on the weekends and I’m making another change again. To do this work in the work days and have the weekends completely free, new thing for me because I’ve always been kind of a weekend worker. So, gotta roll with the changes as they change, I guess. So I’m doing wonderfully well I’ve just been enjoying some lollygagging time watching movies, reading books, reading poetry playing with my garden stuff, not really ready full force it’s only the third week of March, in Chicago, it’s not quite time, but we’re getting close, from cataloguing seeds, getting a plan together, considering, and it kind of cracks me up because it’s the first year, I’ve really realized, you only need like two zucchini plants to make it, you don’t need to plant 30 seeds, I don’t know why but last year I planted like 40 tomato plants and 30 zucchinis for some reason, like when you’re learning, is anybody else learning, or am I the only one, when you’re learning you get excited about things and I’ve always been a flower gardener, so tons of flowers, and then you do tons of the same vegetable, yes, no, don’t do it. So, I’m planning, like a few of these and a few of that, it’s kind of fun. Yes it is. So, let us. Cheers. Did you bring some yum yum with you. Hmm. I have some iced coffee. Please don’t tell on me but it was from yesterday, sometimes in the morning, I never thought this would happen to me I’m thinking of my father in law. I never thought this would happen to me. But the first time I met my father in law, he brought out coffee for dessert from the refrigerator in a mason jar from that morning. And I was kind of mortified. Honestly, but that’s what this is. Hello, I’m doing the same thing so cheers to my father in law dstu Davey baby, as I sometimes would say. And cheers to this day, cheers to you and me being back together again. Back in the saddle again. Yeah, beautiful, wonderful. Cheers. So good. I like it cold and ice that’s one thing I always look forward to as the weather gets warmer, iced coffee. Iced coffee for the wind. So today, what are we going to talk about. There are days I come to the podcast and I’m like, everything you could say, I have already said, you know. But wait, there’s more. There’s always more. Sometimes I hear things on repeat from friends, people I am connected to family members, clients I see for healing sessions comments on Instagram, you know, they come together, things are going on around a few things are going on that I’ve been hearing, I don’t know if you realize enough that it’s a happy time that there’s a psychic, there’s a cloak, you know, having this over the world. It carries an impact.

9:47
I’m not saying this to talk you into being upset. I’m saying this to remind you that we have to factor that in, on some level, just like you would factor in on a cold winter’s day, you better not go out in the tank top and flip flops, unless you’re just going to get them out quick. If you’re taking a long journey, you better put the hat, and the gloves. Oh yeah, they’re made my own psychic thing their friends. You better put the hat and the gloves on and zip up their coat. You I’m saying we have to factor things in. Not because we want to be downers. Listen to that bird let me open the window, hold on.

10:42
That’s our card no Cardi B. Okay, but I won’t leave it open the whole time. Because it is cold out. So we’ve. I’m just saying like, You got to remember, the state of things, and I’m not saying it to talk you into being sad I’m saying to help you remember that it’s okay if you’re feeling a little less than sparkly, it’s more challenging to be a beat right now. It’s okay. It’s alright. And it doesn’t always mean, there’s something wrong with you. So, this tendency we have to navel gaze to pick at ourselves, to pick apart our lives to overanalyze what went wrong or what’s going wrong. We take it in, because we have egos that make it all about us. And it’s important to remember. So, I’m saying that it’s important to remember what’s going on, and things that help with that is taking your time being easy on yourself. It’s okay to take your time. It’s okay to not fight. The current. Recently a friend said to me I just try and stay busy stay busy doing lots of little things, staying busy, and it’s like, you know, a whole year of this pandemic. It can be hard to stay busy. And after a while, all that staying busy is really anxiety, not being dealt with. You know, you can. I mean, it hasn’t happened to me that I have completely reorganized and cleaned out my house, you know, or anything like that but you can do that kind of stuff because you’re preventing something from breaking open in you. And it’s okay to rest. It’s okay to recognize the tendency of fighting the current or staying busy, or, you know keeping up. You know what I’m trying to say to you here. It’s okay to take your time. And it’s okay to rest. It’s okay to rest, just because what if you just rested for no reason. What if you just took it easy for no reason. What if you got back into bed after breakfast sometimes, and enjoyed a beautiful book or some music and a cup of tea, for no reason. There are days where I noticed that we can be busying ourselves into a certain kind of oblivion. That leaves us at the end of the day feeling alone and lonely and disconnected and lost, and wondering what the hell we’re supposed to be doing with our lives. So sometimes I think it’s, It’s so important to practice, allowing yourself. Just to be, to be here and to be to allow yourself to take a breath and let things catch up. Or let things simmer down. However, it is for you. Listen to the sounds of nature. Look outside at the trees. Notice what’s coming into being, again for spraying or you on the other side for autumn. Isn’t that funny, autumn. Some of you are going into autumn, we’re going into spring. We are worthy of that time, and worthy of figuring out how to allow ourselves to rest and acclimate or adjust or be okay with not always needing to be doing something to stay busy because we don’t know what else to do. There’s a way that we reward the people who are busy. It’s like being busy

15:23
working really hard, struggling a lot to get somewhere. These are things that seem to carry our admiration and maybe I’m not even knocking that really, but it also sets up an unhealthy precedent where when you need to slow down. You can feel stressed out at the thought, because the air quotes, see me doing the air quotes the right way is to keep pressing on. Do you know what I’m saying, struggle, ends up being acknowledged and recognized as important, the suffering in the struggle and the challenge. But you know, it feels super important to me to stop for us to stop rewarding behaviors, rewarding things like pressing on instead of resting, when you don’t feel well, why we don’t rest when we’re when we’re feeling unwell. When you’re sick. It seems like sometimes you’re never sick enough it’s not okay to take the day off to stay home and now in this COVID environment, obviously we’re learning but, you know, there is a way that it’s like rest is not okay. And it’s really the answer to so many things. Re it resets the body it resets the energy field. I used to have a client who would say I feel beat to shit. But she wore it like a badge of honor. What if we stopped rewarding these celebrating ourselves for being overworked, for being stressed out, for being so fraught with things going on days with no sleep, or whatever it is. And we started to celebrate our self care. We waste a lot of time resisting our needs, don’t we go into some kind of denial, we go into resistance. And what would it be like to notice, I want to risk today. I’ve been handling this spring break thing out to people like a prescription. Why don’t you take a spring break, take two weeks off from something, I mean, I didn’t take time off of work, that wasn’t the point it was just having freedom from having freedom, not from anything just having freedom, some freedom to lollygag to do, you know, to be the one who doesn’t have to do anything for a change. It’s nice. It felt so good. So we learned, I think, to feel guilty about wanting that about wanting to put ourselves ahead of our needs ahead of anybody elses to relax, to enjoy, to not have to always be busy, like we learned that was Lazy, Lazy people do that, you know, but we can unlearn. We can unlearn we can cherish so much, who we are, and love ourselves enough to have the kind of experience we would like. And, you know, before the pandemic began, there was a certain kind of celebration going on for the people who were the most, the highest, the richest, the biggest, the busiest, the famous list, you know, the successful list. And I wonder if we’re having an awakening around that now that a slow Living Movement is happening, and it’s okay. And it’s okay to be in balance, you know, you can still cherish your abundance, and the work you do in a new way. When that respects and values rest and play just as much, perhaps, you know, we get to write this for ourselves, but we will have to learn how to downshift,

20:04
and adjust, and not just keep on keeping on staying busy. For the sake of avoiding the slow. It’s okay to take your time. It’s okay to practice, resting, sometimes on days where I have a free day. I don’t want to get a bunch of stuff done. I don’t want to clean out the cabinets and dust all the things I don’t want to run the air and I don’t want to pay bills, I don’t want to mow the lawn, I don’t want to clean the garage. I want to read poetry, I want to make art. I want to do stuff I never share anywhere just for me. Whatever I want to do. I want to listen to music, and putter, in my pajamas for the whole day. And when that little gremlin comes and it will, you should be doing something more important. You should be doing something more, where they. You should be helping someone today you should be answering your email, you know how that happens. I just keep the perspective. I talked to the Gremlin. How can I help you today because we’re resting. We’re having some time off. You know, you can talk to those parts of you. You can work something out together. Maybe you’ll still do the dishes and make the dinner. Maybe you’ll help a friend or, I don’t know what, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Back to do believe the all or nothing is what got us here in the first place. So, learning how to put things in, in a day, is kind of a cool skill to have a little work done, get a little rest in. It’s all right. I wanted to tell you, it’s okay to rest, or no reason. And also, because there is a heavier time happening. And you can allow yourself to unfurl a bit, though that’s happening. So if it’s been a funky time. If you’ve been down or depressed or sad. It’s been struggling to make meaning. I’m hearing all of this right now from friends. You don’t know what the hell is happening in the world, the shootings going on. The lock downs again. The people burning their masks and refusing to wear them. And it makes you, you know, feel the way you do, or anything else happening for you, because I get, it’s not a one size fits all, go with what’s been here and real for you. Look, you have two choices. One is you can kind of just be in your head, thinking about these things, and allowing yourself to get how you get when you do that, and basically fall into that lane of energy, or you can say to yourself, alright, I’m going through this time, it’s a heavy time. I’m observing things in the world. and I don’t want to make meaning out of that. That’s personal about me. And to help myself today tend to what I’m eating. And as Louise Hay would say, look in the mirror. How can I make you happy today. What can I do for you today, beloved, talk to yourself, see what you need. Yeah. And together we’re making our way through together, You know, that’s what I love about us, in our love bossy. We’re making our way, and this is going to be all right. We’re going to be all right. We are. Cheers. I’m going to need more coffee. Well, for inspiration today, I thought I would read you something that I have so been loving, I’m reading a new book, a dear friend sent to me for my birthday. And it’s the book of essays by Mary Oliver called upstream. And I love the inscription so much

25:05
inscription, you know, the message. Your friend writes to you in the front of the book. This part I bought this book for me, but after reading the first page. I knew it was for you too, because we are those who still want to get up in the middle of the night and sing. It’s beautiful. and, and Mary mentions that in the, in the very beginning of this book. What a life is ours. Doesn’t anybody in the world anymore want to get up in the middle of the night, and sing. There’s so much I could say about that, you know, the importance of being alive and choosing to be alive and choosing to make your purpose happiness or ease or joy, or I was telling a client this morning, you know, some days. The greatest thing you can do is create the color purple together with a blue friend, when you’re red, and she’s blue, and together, You make the color purple. That’s something you know with your love and your attention and your energy that you together are doing something that’s creating wonderment. Joy, ease something, because each of us has a part in us that is striving for some kind of perfection, some kind of success, some kind of thing, other than what we seem to be doing, and that’s, that’s really the egos job, You know, to keep us searching seeking suffering. And like I said before this time is really about learning to live into the spaces, the quiet, the stillness, to find simpler Joy’s to love who you are, to learn that. So, this, this book from Mary Oliver. I have to get my glasses. Wait, hold on. Here there. This week I, I enjoyed making tea in the afternoon and laying in bed and reading this book. And you know that getting up in the night to sing that line. Doesn’t anybody in the world anymore. Want to get up in the middle of the night and sing. You know it’s symbolic, or maybe it’s a metaphor for being somebody who wants to be wowed by life. Who is open to miracles. And I know you’re like this to my friend, to be open to miracles to be open to the Wow, of watching a bird stand and the other day we watched this bird standing and our feet are just eating and we were looking at all the intricate lines on its feathers or the way we end up possum came in the night and stood on its back legs and drank from our water bowl that we leave out for the animals. Certain things will allow you, they’ll, they’ll make you want to sing in the middle of the night they’ll make you want to be excited again, and it’s so lovely to let ourselves. Follow those hunches, those things we already know about ourselves, and, and do they have now, it’s so important. So, yeah, I wanted to read you this from another one of her books, poetry books. And I loved that I cracked, sometimes I tell you I just opened a book like an Oracle, and I opened right to this page. I didn’t mark it. So to find

29:53
this home and I’ll put these in the show notes if you go to my website Robin Hallett comm slash 129. You will get to these books that I’ve been mentioning here today. This is from the book house of lights poems by Mary Oliver. This one’s called the pollens every year. The lilies are so perfect. I can hardly believe there lacked light crowding the black mid summer ponds. Nobody could count all of them. Unless grants, swimming, from one of the pads and grasses can reach out their muscular arms and touch. Only so many. They are that rife, and wild. But what in this world is perfect. I bent closer and see how this one is clearly lopsided, and that one wears an orange blight. And this one is a glossy cheek. Half nibbled away. And that one is a slumped purse, full of its own unstoppable decay. Still, what I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled to cast aside the weight of facts, and maybe even to float a little above this difficult world. I want to believe I am looking into the white fire of a great mystery. I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing, and that the light is everything that it is more than the sum of each flawed blossom, Rising and fading. And I do.

31:50
It’s beautiful.

31:52
And to me, the willingness to be dazzled to cast aside the weight of facts, is really what we’re doing here, and keep getting these reminders of that, and I was reading the book, I mentioned upstream and she sometimes called some of her poetry, so there was a chunk of this poem in the book, and then, you know like, I was so struck by that line what I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled to cast aside the weight of facts, and maybe even to float a little above the difficult world, you know. You know how when you can be upset about something, something’s Nying on you say you have a conflict with someone or. It’s one of those harder days where it’s harder to believe in your purpose and you’ve just kind of caught in you’re upset. Do you have those days, my friend. I know I do. Those are the days where it’s harder to be dazzled by the blow the cheek of the lily, you know, but I still want to be, I want to be somebody who can be jogged out of that place of momentary upset. You know, I do, and it’s, it, I love that the reminders come back to me so I was saying I texted my friend who bought me the book upstream. This chunk of the poem, and then the very next morning I cracked another of her books, I mean I had a bunch of Mary Oliver, books, and I opened it right to that part of the poem again. I love that, or, you know, just these little miracles these little beautiful things that happened, that happened to us in a day to affirm that, and, indeed, the universe is listening, and it’s okay. You know if you have a longing that you want a simpler life. You want to feel okay inside this pandemic inside your sometimes depressed, experience, you know, a lot of people tell me that’s where they’re at. Going back to the episode a few times ago I talked about meaninglessness and a few people wrote and said you know I’ve even been to the doctor to ask about getting on medication, and, I mean I’m not knocking that I think we all need to do what works for us. But sometimes we can talk ourselves into such a dire place without realizing that what’s really going on is worse, sort of locked in focus on one problem, and forgotten, that we are willing to be dazzled. We’re open to being dazzled. We’re open to being guided, we’re open to being remind, and we’re willing right you’re willing, so, yeah, that’s, that’s the inspiration. You know, I hope you allow yourself to grab some books or things you love to do, sometimes you like to color, and listen to music while you listen to the podcast here. I hope you are allowing yourself to do the things that feel fun for you, and sweet for you. Yeah. Cheers. Cheers. So good. So friends, I like to ask you to support the podcast, this is that part of the show, I am wondering if there’s a friend you can send this to today. You can pop the link in a text message or post it to Facebook, share a little bit about what, what you liked, help the word get out. I just really, this time you know what’s going on in this world, and, you know, I believe we can stay in a space of joy and peace and love and healing and growth, and even now as we’re evolving toward the light toward a greater awareness, whatever is happening is the stuff is shaking out, and some stuff is falling away and we feel frightened. It’s, it’s so important to have a place to gather.

36:47
Kind of like a fire together around now. And so I hope you can find somebody to tell or comm leave a review. You know, or, or share it on if you’re on social media, I appreciate it so much. Thank you Thank you Thank you. We’ve got a nice letter coming up and I can always use more letters, if you’ve been wanting to write a letter for the show, even if you want to share your experience about listening, or how you’re getting through in this time, or I can answer something, write to me at hello. At Robin hallett.com Yes. So this letter, this week goes out to you, Alison, thank you so much for writing. There we go. Hi Robin. For years I’ve been working through the major issue of holding firm and trusting in myself, rather than relying or needing or hoping for approval of those closest around me. I am getting stronger in this, and I’m proud of my progress and increasing self assurance. However, despite not seeking this approval. What is your advice for when someone closest to me, husband, explicitly, and often project his disapproval of what I’m doing what I like who I am. My first ending instinct is to get defensive, or protective of what I am trying to cultivate, just like protecting a growing plant. Although I’m also trying to work on letting him have his own opinion, however, is this relationship, incompatible with myself growth and development. In other words, why does it have to be so hard. To be clear, I love him very much, but sometimes the lack of support and understanding, when I feel at my most vulnerable, can be hard to bear and feels antithetical to what I’m seeking to achieve. Thank you. Thank you to Alison, I appreciate it. I appreciate this letter so much. Yeah, our work, our work to get free our work to listen to our own knowing, to keep going in a world that’s always trying to change us to be true to ourselves. It’s big, big work, and when it comes to people you love people when you’re in love with you’re married to your dating whatever. I mean, well, and also just close friends, family, you know how it is, the stakes are even higher, but actually, it almost doesn’t matter who it is, when this kind of friction happens it’s always challenging. And I’ll just say as a disclaimer I’m not saying all of this to Allison. I’m thinking of lots of things, lots of things that are coming to me in the moment, and the intuitive hits I get and it’s not all directed to the person who writes the letter. Yeah, okay, okay, good to be yourself, is very very important, and it’s important to begin to recognize that we are, even though we’re working on seeking our own approval, we are always seeking approval of the people we love, we want to know that they like the way we do it. I do feel from an early age, the thing we desired most was to have the people around us. Get us and love us and say I like the way you do it. I like it. And, you know that deep drive to do it the way the people around us do it so we fit in and there’s a happy, a gel, you know, that was important but most often we were scared into that kind of stuff shamed into it, judged into it, made fun of, into it, you know what I’m saying. We were teased, we were cajoled we were disapproved of, we got the face we got the look we got the handshake, we got the silent treatment. So there’s got to be this deep deep reverence for how far you’ve carried this need to be approved. Does that make sense. It’s like the depth. We have been to, to fit in to belong, to be loved.

41:45
It’s big, big work, and for me anyway if it takes the rest of my life, to learn how to relish more deeply every day, my own approval of myself. Okay, game on. I’m in, you know, it’s on. I wonder if you have had the vulnerable conversation with your husband. I wonder if you’ve had an opportunity to bring it up and to share how it makes you feel, not in a moment of anger or pushback or retaliation in the moment of like, hey, you know, don’t do that. I hate it when you do that, you know, that doesn’t count. If you’ve ever had a reaction, it’s completely understandable it’s natural. These things burst up in us because we don’t like it. So I wonder if you’ve had a conversation because you are trying to cultivate something and you do feel protective of it. So I suggest that you attempt a vulnerable conversation about what you notice happening. Speak from the eye, I notice that when I’m, let’s say you’re taking up the kazoo or you’re trying watercolor or I don’t know what it is you’re, you know, referring to here but let’s say you’re doing your thing, when, when I’m doing, I noticed that when I’m doing my thing. I feel. I see. It looks to me like, you know, Talk about it, talk about your experience, speak from your heart. If you have asked him to share back with you what he heard you say, if you have something you want to check out without assuming. Check it out. If you have a request for for something, make your request, and, you know, be patient with each other, these are hot button things. There’s so much flying under the radar that we don’t know we don’t always are aware of what we’re bringing into it, like the unconscious, expectation of being rejected, or made fun of or disapproved, because it has happened before. And also, you know, sometimes we learn to do certain behaviors like two people it’s very possible, never witnessed their own parents have an adult conversation about things like this. Never heard about it happening, and the predominant way things got handled was one parent made faces at the other parent, you know, like think about the way it was modeled to you these kinds of things were handled because patterns repeat and historic patterns family lineage patterns repeat. So, maybe how we handle differences of opinion, maybe we handle conflict. We learned that, and we can unlearn it. This is slightly off topic, but I remember being very young, and my grandma, enlisting my help in doing funny things to my grandpa while he was napping, and later as an adult, I realized these were little passive aggressive acts that as a kid I didn’t know that’s what we were doing, I didn’t know that this was one major way. Some of the energy was addressed in their marriage. You know, so we might think about that and consider. We don’t always realize what’s happening and what we’re being taught so this is an opportunity to really sit with what, what did I learn how did things go. For me as a kid watching how did I see relationships. The primary relationships in my life handle stuff like this, and how would I like this to go relationship is a, is a thing where we can’t always come to this quick place of are we really incompatible maybe we’re incompatible. It’s, of course it’s possible but at this point. You know you’re here, and there’s so much learning. So I encourage you to sit with How can I let my needs be known how can I

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learn how to do what I want any way, you know, this is a great teacher people who don’t. Who. Who. Explicitly projects, the disapproval of what we’re doing. They’re really giving us an opportunity to learn to be who we are. To know ourselves. And it’s interesting, just before this segment I went to get a cup of tea. You know, Yogi Tea has those little sayings on it, I just took a picture of it because I thought it was interesting, said the purpose of life is to know yourself and love yourself and trust yourself and be yourself, and, you know, that’s it. If he’s helping you do that. That’s excellent. I think you have to confront him, you know, tell him, confront him, you know, sit down and let him know, and ask him if he can reasonably be counted on to work on this stuff, because it’s a, it’s a, it’s a deal breaker for you. It’s okay to take your relationship to that level by speaking up. Sometimes I think as spiritual peepers like us, we think, you know, I’ll take the high road. I won’t say anything. You know, our, our respect where he’s at. Well, sometimes we need to push back, that is the work is to say, No, this is, don’t you don’t do that, it’s okay that you feel that way but this is me and what I’m doing in my life. Now, as it comes to you. So I encourage you to speak up, and also I love that you said you’re working on. Letting him have his own reaction because people do have reactions to us. I have reactions I think about number one husband. You know, I have reactions. It’s a lot different now 26 years 27 years. It’s a lot different now. But probably the first 10 years we were married. I was a big pain in the arse. I am sure of that. I don’t even have to get him to come here and tell you Yes, I had a lot of opinions, and a lot of reactions and he was a gem to talk to me about it. And sometimes we went to counseling about it and I had to learn. Some people are just easily. How do you say like disturbed by what other people are doing, and they don’t know how to rest or relax if they feel like the other person is not doing it the right way. And that’s a codependent behavior I learned early, early on, and so this is one of those healing experiences for both of you. You know you love each other, you’re together, make this work, you can you can, and show up more fierce than you already do, and speak your truth, and if you have to write it in a letter, write it in a letter. No, but get it out. Speak it out and keep an eye open for the part of you who’s expecting to be disapproved of she needs so much love, and we do sometimes create experiences where there’s no option but to be disapproved, so I’m not, again this is for all of us, it’s just feedback for everybody, look at how we expect it to happen, and we kind of help create the conditions as well. I see myself and everything I’m saying. So, I’m okay. And lastly, what an amazing being you are, what an amazing soul you are to know this much about yourself. This self awareness is excellent. Be proud of yourself. So, remember to be willing to be dazzled, you know, by your own growth and your own learning curves, and extend that courtesy of your husband as well. You have things to teach him, neither of you is always right, and

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it’s a beautiful thing to, to see that. So I hope that serves you. I thank you so much for this beautiful letter, and friends, you know, I encourage you, if I can read one for you, please do email me or text me on Instagram direct messaging mentioned it for the podcast so I know. Cheers. All the links you need are below this podcast if you’re listening on Spotify, they’re all there, iTunes, I think it just gives you, it says visit website you’ll get to all those links I mentioned, okay. Well friends, that wraps episode 129 It’s in the can, it’s beautiful. I had a good time talking to you. It’s good to be back with you. Bye. Guess they ran three months, four in the afternoon. Another healing session this afternoon. And then I’m going to put in my rain boots on and go climb around the fields and look forward to spring

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take myself on a we adventure. We need adventure I’ve been sending my life to you wherever you’re at in life. You’re a pandemic experience whatever is happening in the way. I knew our precious cargo be so good. Yes, so I will see you there next few minutes if you like to binge. Listen to Jesus learn rabidly willing to be dazzled palette, and I’m going to say here next time. Bye bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 
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