Today I have my better half with me to talk about Sacred Relationship and share what we feel it really looks like for us.
We talk about the blessings and our choice to see it that way.
We covered so many points. From thinking neither of us was the problem, and then finding out the truth. Choosing to stay together and speak of the good, and the power of marriage counseling. Celebrating our differences, his love of Science and mine of A Course in Miracles. His diagnosis of cancer, our decision to speak life, and my fear of going it alone without him.
Lots, lots more. We cracked up a lot, which helped the parts with tears. And a surprise appearance from the Lawn Mower man, for those of you who know that story. This is such a special episode. I’ve included many photos and I’ve done my best to edit the transcript below for you as well. Enjoy!
🎧 Listen to Episode 62: Sacred Relationship, Three Wins, #truecompanion
This episode is also available wherever you enjoy podcasts or downloadable here
My session notes including time stamps. plus all links, quotes, books, and movies mentioned are below
My loosely edited notes from this show:
Today’s episode is a special one recorded with number one husband in a little beachy cottage on Lake Michigan, talking about sacred relationships, the ups, the downs, the practices, the choices, and all the love and giggles, we could want. The inspiration this week is one of our favorite practices together, and we will have a letter from hashtag true companion. All this and more come grab a cup of yum yum and meet me here.
Hi Friends, welcome back to another episode of tea with Robin Episode 62. If you’re here for the first time. Hello, it is me Robin, your heart sparkling heart sparkler loving you and wishing you all the best and offering this up to support our highest and best, and today I have a friend with me in the studio, number one, I’m already making you out. Number one, husband, super awesome Jeffrey Hallett today’s show we’re doing a little differently as we are away together on one occasion, enjoying some time, we thought it might be fun to do something special. So, this is that. Yeah, so you guys this is Jeff,
#1Husband Jeff 1:48 Hello, light sparklers, this is me, Jeff.
Robin: Before we get started though, how are you today. And how is the weather in your heart? Are you being sweet with your needs and your wishes are you paying attention to what it is that you’re wanting to do. I hope so. Always it’s my prayer that you remember how much you matter how important it is your life, and not just the stuff you think you should do, but the stuff you want to do.
Over here. It’s a beautiful gray day here, more staying in a little cabin on Lake Michigan in the Wisconsin area. And this is our second trip to this beautiful place, and it’s really nice to relax and have time but it’s also really nice to still do what I love and this podcast is my love it’s one of my many joys, right Jeff? Many, many, and allowing myself to do this too feels like such a special treat.
The biggest question of the day is did you bring a cup of yum yum. I did, and you brought me one I bought you want to appreciate, I brought Jeffrey one and what are you guys drinking I hope you have something yummy. I have a yummy cup of tea here, constant comment, and what do you have there?
#1Husband Jeff 3:21
Rosemary rose honey Bush,
Robin: you could not say that name honeybush
Our friend Lisa packed us up a little special treat. Yeah, she sells amazing tea, I’m going to put this in the show notes, below. So cheers to you love, cheers to you Jeffie and cheers to you, friends.
Number one, Jeff, he plays the ukulele in the opening song and the closing song, I love that we have our own song for this. Yeah, podcast. I love that it was only one take, we tried to record a few more and they were not as good. Wow. Yes. Okay, moving on. Yes. This is exactly why I was like, I want to do something together. But I don’t want to just jibber-jabber, the whole time because we could jibber jabber all the livelong day-oh, and I want this episode to be meaningful for our listeners.
#1Husband Jeff 4:54
Don’t worry, I have a list. Okay. All right. Don’t worry. Look, I’m scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, Oh wow. I told him 40 minutes.
Here’s what I wanted to talk to you about. These things that are all connected.
Sacred relationship, and what that really looks like.
We’ve been together a minute, and it hasn’t always been easy. It hasn’t always been fantabulous there have been many many periods where we were like, OMGWTF, right, or was that just one of them. So, you know, I love the idea of sacred relationships and just talking about what it’s like to be on the journey together. And what we’ve learned and what we notice.
The other thing is how we’ve decided to start traveling more because it’s something we got tired of saying and not doing. Right. So that’s another piece of this and how can you make this happen because we’re both self employed, it feels a little sometimes challenging to leave. Go away. Definitely, when every day you could be working and earning money and helping people out and there’s always another thing, you know, people need you people, you know need my help, here and there, that some it so I didn’t like how I sound it, but you know like stuff comes up and it’s hard to leave sometimes, and yet it’s not, and yet it’s not.
The other piece is that it’s never bad to celebrate what you’re doing and what you’re excited about and what you love and to really be into it, and not worry if it seems like bragging. Do not be afraid that somebody else says it’s too much you’re making us feel bad.
So that’s my intro. Why don’t you take it away, Jeff?
#1Husband Jeff 6:56
It’s been what we’ve been together for 23 years. And it has been hard, but I think we both knew pretty early on that we were willing to change because we were, we had both been married before, and we learned something coming off with those relationships, which was, you need to find somebody that’s willing to work on a relationship.
And we both knew that at the beginning, and we worked on it. We worked a lot. And we both knew we were works in on progress, and we had things to change about ourselves.
Yeah, and I hated that part.
Yeah, and you really pointed out those things that I needed to change about myself and not in the way that that you just wanted to change me to fit your needs. But you were helping to point out things that I that were good for me, like, take more vacation, take better care of yourself, have a better attitude about yourself and decide that you matter, it’s in new definition too selfish.
You have to be selfish before you can prosper, it’s taken a while, but we have come through, really well, and I don’t mind that our relationship has changed and it was rocky and now it’s not rocky and, you know, whenever you change something people wonder about you, I think, like, Wow, that’s really changed and they, they say it like it’s a bad thing, but it’s a good thing. Guys would say, you never used to talk that way about your wife. You talk about how great she is now. Well yeah, that’s because things have changed for the better. Yeah. And I’m not afraid of that I’m not ashamed of that, and I’m not afraid that they’re going to get upset about it either.
It’s so interesting, I hung out in a group of friends where we would get together for lunch, and part of it was regular husband bashing. I wouldn’t say it was mean spirited but it was sort of like, he’s a disappointment, and he never changes, and he doesn’t learn and stuff like that. And there were some things they would share that I, it hurt my heart, because I would not tell people those stories about you I would not be telling those stories about you, you know that’s one of the things I realized is that in a relationship, whether it’s with a close friend because we have close friends too and I guess we would say the same, same thing, you cherish them you hold them in your heart, and you think, kindly of them, and even if you notice something that is critical.
Sacred relationship to me means, you tend to speak kindly and you want the best for people you love. I want the best for you. I genuinely like you I care about your own journey, and I want the best for you. So, back to my friends at lunch, it’s really struck me that they don’t talk about it with the spouse, they go out and talk about their problems outside. And I just think that you know, everybody needs to unload but if you just talk about it outside, it’s not really going to shift, so that’s been an interesting piece finding a way to talk about stuff together and wanting the best. Because you see somebody’s quality and kindness and that kind of thing. So that’s, yeah that’s how I feel about you.
But in the beginning, I definitely was very focused on what you had to change. I thought I was all that. Yeah, I think we both did that. Yeah, so there was a lot of that blame going on and few marriage counselors people that helped us along the way and, and that was good too.
That was good. And we went through a few different marriage counselors too. Yeah, different opinions. Yeah, which was good. And maybe we got lucky because we stayed in long enough, you know, you really have to have patience. And that’s hard to do sometimes.
Yeah. Sometimes I noticed that resentment really can build between two people. Like when I sit with people in session or a couple sometimes I can see that the resentment has been building so long that it can be really tricky to try and unpack on your own, you can I mean that’s a big reason why study the Course of Miracles. All the grievances I carried about everything, you know, but that’s where I thought the counseling was so helpful to us because it’s like this impartial third party, ideally, it’s an impartial third party. Yeah, who’s able to help help you guys unpack it. So, here we are.
And I think both people have to be brave, you have to be brave enough to stay, and be willing to look at yourself in a really different way and be willing to do things the way that are best.
Yeah, it was one of my friends at that lunch, I was just talking about who said she said one day, You’re always so quiet when we talk about stuff, and there was no denying what she was saying I’ve met her partner and I understand the breakdown there, you know, I get it. So, I don’t even mean to say people don’t have a reason or a right to be upset or anything it’s just not my experience with you, and it’s not, it would hurt my own heart to sit around a table and complain about you.
She said, You’re always so quiet when this kind of stuff comes up and I said, I don’t feel like I have anything to contribute. I’m so happy to be married to Jeff I’m so happy to be with him I’m so we’ve worked at it and it’s a blessing, and I celebrate it. You know, even if there are hard stuff, there are hard things I celebrate it still and every day I marvel it and it never goes away, like I forget how many years you just said, we’ve known each other now but every day I’m, I find that moment where I’m like, I’m so glad it’s us, and I love that you get it, you know, or I can text you and say, I just heard that. Remember that dog joke we were telling you this morning I just heard that dog, and I answered it through my head, you know, or something that really silly, and how we can lay in laugh, you know, in the dark and talk and laugh, and then suddenly, I’m like, he’s still awake, and there’s nothing. Just something every day, there’s something funny like that where I just think I’m so glad.
So, back to my friend she said never apologize for your amazing marriage, she said, You should celebrate what you love and help the rest of us out, and I at that moment I felt bad cuz I had been sitting there for more than a year listening without saying anything, thinking, I’m being a good friend I’m listening. I’m not making them feel bad about what they’re saying. But I also wasn’t helping them out like you were just saying with me you know we really have worked to help each other out and there are so many times where you’ll say to me, you need to practice what you preach Robin, you know, you need to practice what you tell other people to do when they’re upset or they have anxiety. You got to take yourself through the steps and I love that so that’s something I’m really still working on is, I want to be the kind of friend that it’s going to bump you back into the light to help each other because we’re each on our own journey, which I love, our minister who married us Dave Right Dave, our friend. Do you remember what he said about, I’m not going to say that part of the ceremony where the two shall become like one. Oh yeah, it’s two of you coming together to do your own journeys and support eat and lift each other, and I have never forgotten.
And then, then I had a diagnosis, and it was cancer. And that was very eye-opening. Wow, was that eye-opening and things are going very well yeah you’re Yeah, very, I am just so grateful, so amazingly grateful for just the way things came together. It’s kind of a very good example of the flow of being in the flow yeah what we always talk about here in the flow, and how things just came together and so I’m doing very very well but it was such a life-changing experience, and realizing that we’re here for our joy.
and things between us have become even better than they were before. Yeah. Because we’re valuing every day. Most days, wouldn’t you say, yeah. And we’ve decided that we need to live for now. We just live in a world, I think we’re we’re constantly encouraged to act a certain way be a certain way that fits in. Sometimes with a structure that we don’t really subscribe to save all your money for the day when you can retire and if you, if you’re this old and you don’t have this much money saved boy Are you in trouble and be worried. We’re just not, we don’t want to live that way. We want to live. Now, see the world, and see things and we started to do things. Yeah, and it’s made a big change for us.
It’s so interesting because I remember the day you got your diagnosis official diagnosis. I came downstairs and you just hung up the phone and you turned you backed away from your computer and you turned to me and you said, it’s cancer. And you started crying. I hugged you really tight. And I don’t think we’ve ever talked about that hug like what was going on in my head and what was going on in your head.
In my head, the only thought I had was, no matter what, we’re together and I am going to help my friend. Feel the best, think the best, choose the best practice the best, not because oh my god it’s cancer and you have to stay for me, but because you are such a great guy and such a gift. And I want to see you shine, you know, and my also known is that it was an invitation to step into your life more fully in my mind that was the place you know like this feeling of, we’re talking about work like I can’t leave work. I’m a solo printer, and people need me and if something breaks, I won’t be there to fix it and what will we do for money and you were kind of in that mode and it was like, we have to fly well that’s what we have to do we have to test this theory we can’t just keep obeying the fear. Right, yeah. So, overnight things shifted really good in a beautiful way. Yeah, yeah.
And I couldn’t have done it, and I wouldn’t have done it without you there. Yeah, I mean I can’t imagine anybody else. That would be as encouraging and such guidance and a reminder that every moment is a gift and can be great. And we have both followed certain teachings and you’ve taught me from all the things you’ve learned. And that has really worked out for us. And even when I dip into, and there are still times, when I’ll dip into a level of worry. I think I have been a worrier kind of by nature, with most of my life. And you’ve said to me, even if it is, even if you don’t even if you’re not here next year. you’re here now. So let’s live it now. And it’s really changed my life.
Yeah, I did. I felt that resolve. So clearly, and I feel it. I feel it when I sit with people who have stuff going on, you know somebody goes to prison in the family somebody has my friends with different injuries and divorce and death and whatever the big-ticket item is going on for somebody. I have this revolving vision where I’m seeing story after story after story and understanding still a spark of the Divine moment now is still the only moment precious moment, the only opportunity for changes right here, and choosing is the only thing we can really do is make the choice love or fear or love or fear or love or fear and I really have to come very close to my own story that some things are worse than other things and that’s where my prank like cancer is worse than breaking my leg or not having worked for a week, you know?
I think we do think in terms of hierarchical upset. We prioritize. But to me, there is no such thing as a small upset, it’s all just upset. That’s from the Course in Miracles, all upsets are equally disturbing to my peace of mind. And you could really see it.
Like, there’s the cancer story, and then maybe somebody doesn’t want to pay for the work you did or I share something on YouTube and it gets no love. It’s interesting how all these stories, they’re just upset and the ego is just so thrilled to have something to chew on and make real, and we’re not deluding ourselves by not worshipping the fear. We’re setting ourselves free, and when there’s two of you, dedicated to that.
It’s a lot easier, to ride in this way, in a relationship. And this doesn’t have to be a lover or spouse… it could be a buddy I have some spiritual friends that we just text and do this practice to where we’re bumping each other back in and helping remind each other of the practices and listening to each other for sure but it’s not complaining, and it’s not fear-mongering and, you know, it’s like, Okay, here we go this is the path.
Two years ago, Christmas time, we made a lot of adjustments. And we added more practice in, and one of the things we decided was we were going to start to take more time.
Robin: Right. And I had a dream, do you remember my speak life dream?
Jeff: Oh yes, I do.
Robin: Very early into your diagnosis it’s like you’re just thrown into the deep end. Practicing alone. And you just gotta sort of figure it out, and you can’t really, you don’t feel like you can afford to sit around and do nothing.
So, I had this dream where the only thing I really remember is, tell me what I should do? And I was going into this holy place. Tell me what I should do? And I woke up with my finger in the air saying, speak life. That was the guidance. Speak life and to me what that means is choose the living things.
Choose the love to choose the joy, choose the practices, you know, get up and listen to Abraham get up and do we did the Mark Nepo book for a year. The Awakening Book.
#1Husband Jeff: Yes.
Robin: And we started sitting together without exception, every morning with always done it often on but we started sitting together, having tea or coffee talking sometimes meditating sometimes doing the practice, you know, sharing. Every day, every morning. Even on the weekend. Just like this is priority number one, and letting each other in, even more. And I know you were very worried that I was going to have to take care of you, that you would be a burden to me.
#1Husband Jeff: And, yeah, I was remembering through that time. Well, a couple of things really come to mind. One is, first of all about cancer, and that is that every single case is different every single person is different, and you can easily go on to the web and read things about what it could be. But don’t. Just don’t do it, because every case is different, and if you have a choice in fantasizing about the future, why not fantasize about a good future. It’s just as easy to fantasy, well it’s hard, but it’s better to fantasize about a bright future rather than to fantasize about a dark future. Yeah. And we kind of did that back in 2008 when there was this big economic market crash and in the US, we kind of had a model that we used to run the house which is there’s no recession in me. Yeah, there’s no and we went around the house like that there’s no recession in me, 28. Yeah, yeah. And we did find, we came through that we made through them and I don’t know how it works or why it works. But we decided not to go down that dark path and we stopped watching the news, and we stopped reading the paper that was also down. And we’ve done the same thing since the cancer diagnosis we’ve decided we’re going to have a great life.
Robin: Yeah, like you said, whether it’s this year or forever. We are still going to do it, live it like it’s now doesn’t mean it’s not scary. One of my big ones was what would I do alone without you. And I did have to sit with a lot of that story.
There’s a great song by Snow Patrol called Chasing Cars. The lyrics There are so good, because it’s just like, it’s, it’s me and you. I think the line is if I just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world. Forget what we’re told, before we get too old. It’s so beautiful. He said something like, I don’t know, you know he sort of putting himself down saying, I’m I don’t know how I ended up with you I’m such a piece of, I’m a lot of work, you know that I’m complex. Yeah, but when I look into your eyes, your perfect vision of me is all I could see. That’s the way I feel about us.
And it’s bigger than a romance, it’s a spiritual connection. It’s like a real thing so I for me I have to really sit with. What if it’s gone?
And that’s what I did. So I would do that. 3 am I have a lot of sweaty nights, and I would do that. I would just be with that. It could be gone, and it’s here now, but it’s here now, not to negate how I was feeling. Not to say, Be quiet. Don’t you know and I would sometimes cry with you about it too because I thought that was important, you kind of feel like you’re not supposed to say anything upsetting. Yeah, about losing someone who to the person, but I just felt like all of it was important.
#1Husband Jeff: Yeah. Yes, I get that.
Robin: Ooh. How about the psychic orchestra, that from this summer. We had been sitting outside enjoying so much of the summer, and we started to notice this thing where, if we were complaining, we listened to wF empty at night, sometimes the classical station here in Chicago, said classical, yes. Yeah. And we started noticing that sometimes if the conversation was getting heavy or somebody was complaining. The music, took would take a deep dive, and it would be like suddenly the pirates were out to see their ship was being bombed. They were going down in flames you know whenever the music of that was that was totally how we felt like something’s going on yeah
#1Husband Jeff: I don’t know if the music was guiding the conversation, or if it was the other way around. Yeah, yeah, it was quite the psychic experience when you start to notice those things.
Robin: Yeah, it really can be a little spooky but funny, or it’s really comical, yet spooky fun. Yeah, how you realize like this flow is a real thing. Yeah, you know, you don’t have to be weird about it but why not invite it in it’s like you were saying a little while ago. You could just as easily choose a positive joyful reality over the fearful story you’re anticipating coming true. You could choose a different version of the story you tell.
#1Husband Jeff: Yeah. And to me, that’s deciding to be in the flow. Right?
Robin: How about our decision and practice to not complain?
#1Husband Jeff: Yeah, I’ve been working on that for the last two years, a lot. Yeah, not to be upset in traffic, you know, got the big C now, the big diagnosis.
So, life is life, every second should be precious and everything but it’s still easy to get in the car and start cursing somebody or something but, and then coming home and talking about it. Coming home and even I don’t know how many years I did that where I would come home at the end of the day, and tell you all of the horrible things that happened.
Robin: Yeah. And we really work on not doing that anymore. We really talk about, we really work on it.
#1Husband Jeff: And, why bring it up again? It happened already. What’s the point? Is it so you feel sorry for me because I had a hard day or, I don’t know, but just the fact that we try to avoid that talk around it not talk about it not bring it back up and talk about positive things like the good stuff that’s going to happen in the future or the good thing that happens during the day.
Robin: Yeah. It’s really been helpful. And I notice that a lot when I’m sitting with friends, how they communicate. A lot of people communicate by complaining. That’s the way they connect.
Complaining is the connection currency. Just let me tell you about this and that and come let me complain. Sometimes we see the neighbor and he’s like let me complain about this other neighbor. You know when our backyard floods and I’m like, Yay, ducks! but they’re like, the sky is falling and it’s so horrible! Why do it?
#1Husband Jeff: The funny thing about complaining, though, is that, before we stop complaining, I got to tell you what happened yesterday. LOL.
Robin: Yeah, but if it’s really that you had a bad day, I will really listen to this with the intention of helping.
#1Husband Jeff: Sometimes it’s hard to let go, it’s hard for me to let go of the desire to complain. I’ve got lots of good stories on stuff that happen and crazy things and…
Robin: Yeah, it’s not that we can’t complain, it’s that you, if you can’t recognize you’re being offered a moment of contrast, you’re sitting in traffic and you have two choices — you can complain and be upset and then start getting upset, and then your ego get’s so psyched! Yes, he’s taking it personally! This is this traffic is a personal affront to him. Got him where I want him! and then you start to go down the tubes with your thinking.
#1Husband Jeff: yeah that’s what happens.
Robin: It’s like then somebody comes out of that they come home with their Sweetie, and then they want to dive back into it all over again. But why are we doing that? That’s kind of where I’m at. Why are we wasting our time talking about stuff that’s already over and we didn’t even like?
So it’s not that you can’t tell your stories but do it in the mindset of being constructive. Say, wasn’t that great, I learned another way my ego tried to hook me. You know, and you can talk about it that way. But yeah, you know, so it’s not that we can’t ever talk about anything upsetting. That’s not the point. And certainly, that’s what I love to help people with too. But we can choose.
#1Husband Jeff: When my friends sometimes complain about something that they’ve already complained to me about, I’m like ugh, I’ve already heard it. Heard it all before. And I kind of want to say to them. Well, what are you doing about it? Yeah, you’re still carrying the story around, what, what are you doing about it? Are you telling me this, because you want some advice? And if not, then why are you telling me, because whatever they’re experiencing there is an opportunity for them to change something.
Robin: That’s a moment where you could step in a little more fiercely right and to say it… scary as it is. I’m scared too, but sometimes it depends because there’s a gap sometimes you really just have to respect that. That’s not where you guys are at yet, or that’s not the context of this relationship, you know bias, but where there is, then you can practice.
I said this to somebody recently, why do we keep going back to this story really why?
Yeah, you know, and sometimes it’s me really holding on like a dog with a bone, I get it but I appreciate the friend who will say, you are upset I understand but telling this is doing nothing to help you heal this. So let’s help you heal this. That’s the person who is in my heart forever.
Here’s this opportunity to help you decide right here. Do you want to go with love, do you want to go with fear> Do you want to help yourself along with this, do you want to see if you can do it you know brave the elements, so to speak, or do you want to keep doing what you always do?
And, of course, no matter what, we’re so loved and precious and cherished, always, we’re still amazing no matter which way we go. There’s no failure on this journey.
These are just choices dictated by how you want to feel, and we want to feel good. We want to feel alive and excited and we decided to take these trips start actually doing the travels and trusting this principle we’re always talking about.
We will be in the flow of abundance, possibility, and opportunity. The right things will keep aligning as we keep choosing with our right hearts rather than our fear.
So, for example, yesterday we were here. Do you remember this in the afternoon, I was just walking around this cute little. This has got to be the cutest cottage ever so lovingly kept up, it’s not new or fancy there’s nothing fancy about it.
#1Husband Jeff: No, it’s just cozy homey. Yeah.
Robin: A good example was turning to you saying thank goodness the person we normally rent from never answered my emails. This summer, I wrote and wrote and wrote by the third time when he didn’t get back to me I thought, well, let’s just move along, I get the point. So that was me yesterday saying thank goodness that fell through. Yes, because look at where we are now, this place blows the first spot away, it’s better than we could have ever imagined and so much more in line with what makes us happy!
#1Husband Jeff: And I was worried about that. When our usual renter didn’t write and we thought we’d have to go somewhere else, that we would never find a place as good as that one, but it was really just a determination by the universe to show us a better spot and wow did that work out.
Robin: OMG. LOL. This is so funny. Even here. Here comes somebody with a tractor.
Even while we’re here, I have the frickin lawn service during a podcast recording. This is a perfect example of the flow and choosing not to complain. Friends who’ve known me for a long time in session will laugh at that because somehow this leaf blower guy or the lawnmower guy will appear at the most intimate moment and I would get upset. Because I’d be like don’t please don’t come during my sessions, here are my session times with clients. But that’s when they would come and that was part of my flow of upset and expectation.
Now I see it like it’s just so cute. It’s so funny. Even here. The Lawnmower Man.
#1Husband Jeff: Yes, it’s kinda like the Universal comedy.
Robin: Hi, we’re back. Did you miss us? We have to wait for the Lawnmower Man, but this is so typical of funny things I used to have happen. This story that, because I was annoyed that the guy kept forgetting. I took it personally. And then it started feeling like it was on purpose, and disturbing my peace on purpose and because he didn’t care. And if you follow that story long enough without checking it without saying it’s just, it’s no big deal. Just wait, like we just got up for 10 minutes and waited it’s no big deal. Now it’s not a big deal. But if you don’t do that it turns into this thing where you suddenly feel like the world is against you because the man came with the leaf blower in the hours you wanted quiet. And it’s kind of like sitting in traffic, doing the same thing.
#1Husband Jeff: Yeah, how many times I said to you the universe is working conspiring against me!
Robin: You go to that occasionally. You know it’s not like I don’t, I don’t think any of us has to become perfect thank goodness because I’m totally off the hook, then it’s just about remembering your practice and making your choice. Yes,
The gift of the contrast is an opportunity. You’re being shown something directly opposite of what you might want. And that’s your moment to remember to choose.
It’s just like the psychic ding or the psychic Lawnmower Man or the music or just let’s choose, I don’t want to feel crummy I want to feel good, I want to live, and I want to speak life. I want to speak things into life. Yeah, yeah.
#1Husband Jeff 40:53
and hilarious Yes, in so many ways. Like yesterday. I thought we’re going to go for a walk on the beach. The beach is ever-changing here.
Robin: And I thought this year I’m going to bring my new green rain boots these warm weather boots that I got it the second hand shop for $6 are, they’re green. They’re so great, and what happened and walk out there. What did you hear,
I was inside I decided I was going to stay in and work for a little bit and you are not to walk and you are out there but two minutes and I suddenly heard you screaming and I thought up, and I ran to the door and you were laughing.
I was laughing so hard because the first wave came and it was low and I thought Yay I got my new boots on. I’m walking through the water when my new boots are second-hand boots and they have a huge crack in the side so immediately the left boots, filled with water. And I looked down and I started laughing so hard. It was funny because in that moment I had this flash of, you know, bringing these boots and they’re going to be so great and they’re going to make it so perfect and I’m going to walk in the water and just have so much fun and here comes this wave, the boot was full of water and then the next wave came and okay that one was so high that it went over the top of the booth and just filled the other one. So as almost my knees, full of water. That’s got to be my highlight of this trip I laughed so hard and I loved that because that’s it you think you’re in control and you’re not. So why should we cling so fiercely to our fear or our program or our, you know plan, why not just stay open. I really like that. Yeah, back to that time with you being diagnosed with like, what can we really do other than work on the things. Yes, the energy, the attitude, the choice to live in the now we’re going to start traveling, and we did, we started doing the things we said we wanted to do. And now we’re going to LA for a month, about that. And what I thought was so cool as while we were here, loving the beach, loving this time. And Jeff calls this a workcation because he works and I and I work. We’re working. It’s not that you can’t do both, but there could be a beautiful balance.
First, we have to want it to be how we would like and that’s, I think the thing for me about complaining or negative stories or not being willing to make the shift. You know you want it to be different with certain people. That’s it. We gotta. In that moment, you’re being given an opportunity to define what that looks like.
Yeah, and your walk on the beach wasn’t exactly what you were hoping for. But it gave you a chance then to come inside and put your socks in the oven. Oh, I put my, my pan and your pants. And what did I say to you, and we got a lot of enjoyment out of just having your pants in the oven.
We laughed so hard because I said I was very Matter of fact, I came in and I said, I put the almond on if you smell anything. Don’t get hungry. It’s not food. I set the timer for 25 minutes, and then you said Oh honey, just hang them over the chair in the open, they’ll do better by the heater.
#1Husband Jeff: We’ve been having such a good time. And it’s amazing. So thank you for teaching me how to be like that, how to take those contrast bits, and turn them into interesting bits and fun bits and memorable bits. And so just instead of a complaint.
Robin: And thank you too, because you helped me to you help me really step into my shine step into my okayness, and you’re super accepting of my weird. We just did that episode I love you weirdo. You’re super accepting of my weird, even if sometimes it challenges the edge for you.
#1Husband Jeff: Yeah. We’re because we’re different. We’re an interesting pair because I would classify myself as a scientist and you as a spiritualist and they’re very different types of things but it’s great.
Robin: You know the other day I was laughing at our kitchen table because there was my Course of Miracles book and where you sit, it was a magazine called Science. I just thought, Yeah, exactly. No words needed here that’s it, that’s us.
It’s so great to celebrate the differences between us. You’re not going to lose me if I do another spiritual retreat somewhere and I’m not going to lose you if you decide that you’re more interested in Atheism over Spirituality.
Yeah, it’s all good. and we have the Lord of the Rings, we are, we always have that.
We will always have that we will always have Lord of the Rings. I’ll always be your Galadriel. And you’ll always be,
I don’t know who. (laughter)
Robin: You’re impossible! I say what’s your favorite character, it’s such an impossible question right? yeah I never want to ask you those things. You don’t like to be put on the spot.
But, you’ve done very well today. We’ll see. Listening back.
Robin: So before we wrap this, where do you stand on the cancer thing?
Jeff: Well, it’s all turned out very well. I’m just so grateful I can’t say it enough, how things have come together, how I found the right doctors at the right institution and the right treatment. Miracle treatments that they’ve got now. And the last time I saw the doctor he said, I asked him, I said, What are we doing here is this a waiting game. He said, No, the way this particular treatment works and the way you’re responding to it he said it could very well be you’re done. So I’m still going to go in for a few treatments and I get to go back for checkups, but he’s very optimistic and it’s hard to get him to be optimistic because he’s very careful about what he says. Yeah. And so, I do the happy dance every morning. Every morning,
Robin: I do too. It’s nice. It’s part of the gift of the practice. I remember when you found out I was like, of course, you’re fine. Of course, it’s done, you did what you needed to do. Yeah, you worked with the medicine, it was offering you and you did it, you stepped in. You did this amazing thing. And along the way, we launched this podcast. That was one of the first things was, what are we going to do now, and I thought I need to start my podcast, yeah. Don’t be valuable lessons, so thank you too, and thanks for. Thanks for being here. I hope you guys this was somewhat interesting and helpful and thanks for having me. Yeah. Do you want to stay around and do inspiration ith me today?
Announcements this week:
Before we move on with inspiration. If you’re enjoying this podcast. I would so appreciate a review on iTunes, give it some love or share it on with your friends do you know somebody, you probably thought of somebody already please share the sun or see it on Facebook, give it a like, it’s always helpful and review is so welcome always appreciate that. And I wanted to say a special shout out. Did you hear that What was that your chair?
Jeff: It’s psychic stuff.
That is so funny. And I’d like to say a special shout out to my friend Heather who in response to Episode 61. Love you weirdo says,
I love this so much Robin, I so needed to hear this today. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I was called weird. Still though now my partner reminds me I’m the good kind of weird. Let’s all be good weird together, thank you for this message. And thank you for sharing this and being you.
And I thank you too Heather. And what I love the most is feeling scene, feeling normal feeling okay. I think we all want to know we’re doing it right and podcasts like these really help us do that to know we’re not doing it wrong, and we shouldn’t we not something to feel guilty about ourselves for but to know we’re doing it right.
If this episode has been helpful, I’d appreciate you sharing this with anyone it may help. Click the share buttons above or below, or always I appreciate a review on iTunes
This week’s inspiration:
So inspiration this week, we thought since we’re here together, we would share our “Three things to celebrate for the week. And one thing I loved about you” ritual. Our Friday night Martini night ritual.
#1Husband Jeff: We don’t forget we do it, we do it. You want to start?
Robin: Sure. Okay.
Yeah, usually well three things I appreciate about the week, and about vacation, I mean one thing is learning to take this time. I always feel like I have to go through the seven candy canes of hell — remember ELF? — and then I get to a place where I finally feel relaxed and easy and every time we take a little trip, whether it’s an overnight or a weekend. I get to practice again, learning how to relax and learning how to calm myself and not let the feeling of panic swirl or anxiety or just, you know, displace feeling of displacement. So, this has been the best one ever so far.
Two. Every time I get better on celebrating my joy and celebrating my excitement about my life, I still am overcoming this place in me where I feel like I’m worried I sound like I’m bragging, and in my household be celebrated anything about yourself, you’d be told that I was making my mom feel bad about herself, no matter how old I was no matter what was happening. So, there is still that way like my friend at lunch she said you should celebrate your marriage and help us, help us see it, so that’s to feel closer into just enjoying what I enjoy.
And the third thing is: Working on this podcast with you this is a big highlight navigating this. And, yeah, doing it still letting myself do it. Part of me felt like, you know, I didn’t want to ask you I didn’t want to bother you and I didn’t want to seem like annoying. You know like let’s take a couple hours and record. But I really love this program that I am for here. And I’m committed and commitment is a huge, I mean, staying with this stuff is so healing and so hard sometimes, right?
So there’s my three,
Jeff: You’ve done so great with that and that’s quite an endorsement for yourself to want to do it while you’re on vacation, because you love it so much.
Robin: because I’m so excited about it because I’m excited about it. Yeah, yeah, I mean that’s it so I even though there’s that part of me it’s like, take a week off. I like it, I don’t have to write thank you for your input but I don’t have to take a week off, I love it. Right. There’s something wrong with wanting to do this now. Yeah, there’s only everything right. So, there you go. Yeah, okay, what do you love about me this week, come on!
Jeff: oh my gosh Well,
Robin: just one. I know there are many 🙂
Jeff: there were so many. I love watching you. In the mornings, get so excited about the sunrise do, every morning up at six watching the sun, slowly and it takes about an hour for the sun to come up. But you get so excited. Just you never get tired of looking at it and saying, wow. And look at that and taking pictures and trying to capture it and trying to just absorb every moment of it. And just loving the new day. Yeah. I love how excited to get. And then we get to drink coffee and watch it happen it’s like the best movie we could, it’s, it’s a great time together but I like just watching you get so excited about and going outside. Even though. I’ll be stumbling around looking for socks and you’re already outside, just carrying your clothes, because you’re so excited to get to see it.
Robin: Awww! I love you Thank you. Yeah. Okay, what are your three things?
#1Husband Jeff 55:49
One, I have to go kind of with you that it’s that part of going on vacation. That part that’s hard like do I deserve this. Can I really take this time away. Is it okay for me to be gone. What will my clients say if they find out. And so it’s really good exercise to go and do it. And, and just say I deserve this. We can do this. I’m going to do this. And nobody’s going to be killed.
Robin: I know but why does it feel like somebody’s going to be killed. That is such a funny, I have that too.
Jeff: It’s like breaking the rules, I think it’s breaking old rules from my growing up. And the things you know you have to work hard, you have to work very hard for a very long time and then you get a little vacation, but doesn’t have to be like that. We get to design our own lives the way we want them. So that’s one, two, is taking a nap in the afternoon. Lane here in this beautiful place, and taking that nap in the afternoon, and just thinking. It’s okay. I can do it. And then, and you’re there with me. I love that.
Robin: you took a morning nap today, didn’t you?
Jeff: I did.
Robin: Yeah, I took an afternoon. We’re just two awesome nappers.
Which doesn’t mean we’re old, or lying or, like, so that’s you know that’s something it’s like this is how you stay energized and excited you honor your means. Sorry, go three, yes. Continue.
Jeff: Three, okay packing to come up here.
I love packing. I hate packing, I love packing I hate packing. It’s quite packing seems so important, but it’s really not, you just throw some stuff together and go, but it’s such a stressful thing for me, and it’s fun to then relax into it and just think it’ll be fine if I don’t have absolutely everything I need. It’ll be fine and I end up bringing twice as much as I need anyway. Even though I’ve picked practically nothing I’m getting pretty good. Yeah, packing just a little bit but, you know, deciding to. I decided to bring three, three cans of beans.
And so I’ll have a can of beans on my salad every day. And I think well let’s see, we will be gone, five days I better bring three cans of beans.
Robin: You’re laughing because something went clunk, clunk in the car while we were driving.
Yeah, and it was a can of beans that fallen out of my basket and weedged itsef perfectly into the side door pocket. Yeah, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 59:01
yeah, yeah. So that kind of makes me laugh every time. Now when I look in my suitcase in there as well it’s not a suitcase it’s a laundry hamper
#1Husband Jeff 59:09
we’ve, we’ve gone classy, we think we just take longer baskets because we’re in the car. It’s so much easier.
Unknown Speaker 59:17
So much easier.
#1Husband Jeff 59:18
That was funny yesterday, not to interrupt your three things but something about those are my only pants were laughing so hard and you said you’re gonna have to start wearing all my clothes. Since stuff, tight, you know, those were my only pants that got wet. I only have pajamas and a pair of jeans so they’re dry, I’m wearing them now.
Unknown Speaker 59:41
Yeah, those are my three. And what do you want to know now, I want to know what you remember as your favorite memory.
#1Husband Jeff 59:50
I love your commitment. I saw it this week too. It’s like you brought beans on vacation. You stopped for we went to Whole Foods you know just because we’re on vacation. We’re not like Let’s just eat pizza and drink beer all day, you know, it’s like we’re still cooking and doing the things we love and certain foods are important to you and I love that you pack that stuff in. You didn’t say. Screw it, you know, this, this matters to me and I’m going to pack it, and I like that about you. I really love seeing that you’re making salads every day you’re and I’m cooking for us which I love, but, you know, sometimes I just want peanut butter and banana. Ezekiel bread or almond excuse me, almond butter, but you’re like I’m gonna have my green salad I’m going to do this, it’s just your choices, really inspire me your self care is very inspiring and I couldn’t even tell I can I have to. Yes, I could even tell the last time we went to the hospital for the checkup, how you, you go. We go every three weeks for some continued treatments and immunotherapy treatments, and I can tell the way people talk to the staff and the way the light is reflected at you that they appreciate your self care that you’re doing all this stuff they asked you to do I just, I admire that I really really admire that. I respect that I appreciate that. So, thank you. Yeah, yeah. Welcome.
My salad and my beans and we eat our cookies,
Robin: Oh yeah we did eat cookies because the landlord leaves us cookies here. She left us cookies and a bottle of wine and a nice Did you see that hand painted card. That’s good. Yeah, beautiful.
#1Husband Jeff 1:01:46
I love you know I think that’s one thing is,
let’s receive the good. Let’s enjoy, and really take it in.
So when we got here and they have that spread the cookies the wine and the hand painted card and so glad you’re back with us again Hope you have a great day. I really taken that in. Feels good. Yeah, no polity. No. You know nothing. No, no. Take it all in take it in. So friends. I think that’s it for Jeff, thanks for having me. I mean, we’re gonna Jeff’s gonna sign off,
Did you have a good time?
Jeff: I did. And, really appreciate it. I like your show. Yeah, I love your show I love listening to it.
Thank you. We listen together every Monday morning Yeah, thank you for that, because that has been huge. It’s really good. It’s fun together at work. Thank you, you’re proud of me. Yeah, thanks for being in my life.
#1Husband Jeff 1:02:43
Thanks for being in mine too.
Robin: All right, so we’re going to take a brief intermission. And then I’ll be back with this week’s letter, you didn’t think I was gonna not do a letter, Did you? Okay. Say goodbye, Jeff.
Jeff: Bye everybody.
Hi friends, so I thought I’d check back in for this week’s letter on my own. This goes out to you, Madeline, and thank you so much for writing.
“Hi, Robin. My heart is really hurting, and it’s distracting me. I keep trying to push it away, but if it persists, I’m super lonely for a relationship. I’ve been divorced for a little over four years and I just wish I had a steady companion. Not marriage, but someone special to hang out with, and be romantic and laugh, etc, etc. I dated a few guys, it’s hard as I’m a 200% single mom and I don’t have family nearby. I can’t and wouldn’t leave my nine-year-old son alone, so it’s very hard to meet guys, I just wish I could get rid of the ache and move on and not think about it. Anyway, thank you so much for listening to my rant, I was on a positive streak, and I still am, but my heart hurts hugs, Madeline”
Well, Madeline, I got it. I believe in your ability to date someone that you absolutely adore and fall deeply in love with, and respect and admire and somebody who helps you grow and adores your son, as well, all of those things. I believe in your ability to call someone into your life. I believe it can flow effortlessly and easily to you. I do without having to push our try or strain, just to be open I believe you could be open to the possibility. You’re really clear about the, the problems you know the issue at hand what’s what’s difficult about this situation you’re really clear, so let’s flush out the rest of this process, you’ve identified one part of the equation which I’ve been calling the contrast today, you know, you’re identifying what you don’t want. What is hard, and what doesn’t work for you, which is great. And now we can define what you would love. Sometimes I like to just rewrite the sliders. And let’s try that. Hi, Robin. My heart feels so full. And I just couldn’t come to tell you, I’ve met a beautiful guy a companion who makes my heart sing, I think about all the times I wished for a steady companion, and now he’s here. This guy, this special guy I hang out with. And we laugh, and we laugh. There’s romance and fun, but it’s more than that. He helps me, and I help him, he admires me, and I admire him. He’s good to me, and I’m good to him. It’s wonderful, it’s the two of us, and he loves my son. Thank you so much. Madeline what I know to be true about you is that you’re ready to fly now you’re ready to really say to yourself, you know, every time I feel lonely, every time I feel afraid every time I feel frustrated. I’m going to remember this thing about contrast. I am seeing what I don’t want, and this is my opportunity to call to me what I do want.
You have two choices, you can identify with what isn’t, what is sad, what is hard. Or, you can identify what you’re looking forward to, what you want. Stay true to that. Get excited about that.
And why not, you’re amazing. You’re a catch, as we say, you’re awesome. Invest in that story!
Why not you, why not you, why can’t it happen for you, you know, so I absolutely believe that it’s coming. And when it’s feeling like a tender day like that. There’s nothing, nothing better than scooping yourself up in a, in a hug, and being kind to you and hugging yourself and giving yourself space and time. But don’t give up on the dream. I know how you said you know I wish I could just kind of cut this part of me out and be done with it and move on. But this is our gift. It’s like, in that upset, is the gift. There’s something here that really really wants to be planted it’s a seed, you know, and you want to nourish it and nurture it, and that means you have to show up, you have to show up right inside the upset and say, I want this, I want this relationship. And I’m going to get excited about it. I’m going to pretend it’s happening and see how I feel. I’m going to believe in this flow thing I’m going to believe in this light sparkler thing I’m going to believe in my ability. I’m going to believe in the goodness of this universe the benevolent forces of this universe, always giving me what I’m, I’m on about what I’m asking for energetically. So I’m going to practice, even more, intentional and real love is out there for you, it’s out there for you, my friend. It’s out there for you. It’s so much easier to feel the fear and believe it and just stay there. it’s so much more courageous and brave, and that means it’s harder at first to show up, trusting your heart. Yeah, he’s out there. He’s coming. I’m going to keep practicing. I’m a good person. Totally. Were they totally deserving and life wants to answer the call for me, you know, it can happen. It will happen.
Do you want it to happen? So, May that serve you come back and listen to this again and again, see if it helps to keep receiving make some notes you know people tell me, they’ll take notes, sometimes on the things I’m sharing here and then they’ll revisit their notes and maybe that’s something you can do to help yourself. And if you find some nooks and crannies there about your worthiness or your, you know we all get scared dating is not a smooth and easy ride I totally get it. So, if you find some nooks and crannies there that need some love and support, I’m always here. Okay. And I can’t wait for your fun news fun things to share. I’m always hearing these really amazing stories. And recently, a friend, 20 years single met somebody completely out of the blue, it feels that way, you know, but when she was telling me this story I could hear how every single day of every single week of every single month of every single year. She’s been building up towards this great love this magnificent meeting you where you really want to be met, love, and a true companion. How do you want it to be?
Sometimes I share with friends, we have to be willing to freak ourselves out in a good way and I, I’m doing that with you all the time to freak myself out in a good way, because I’ve certainly freaked myself out in lots of not good ways, I’m sure lots of us can relate to that. And I also have a YouTube video called How to freak yourself out in a good way.
I’ll put that in the show notes here. So, I hope that has something I said here has sparked something, not just for you and me but for all of our friends here in our posse scratch the topic of dating and insert your words here, it’s going to be the same practice, isn’t it. Wow. You know, sometimes there’s just really something so powerful to realize, the answer is always love, it’s always love, bring this to the loving presence within my own heart, and what do I need to do. Help me to see this differently and help me to take the path that’s going to lead me to my joy and freedom. So, May that serve you love and friends, listening in. If I can answer a letter for you. My email address is Hello at Robin Hallett. com, or right on the website there’s a link on the contact page to submit a letter for the show and Wow, thank you so much. I really, I hope this was fun and enjoyable, and the noises weren’t too strange I know we’re recording this, I’m recording this, we recorded this in the dining room of the little cottage and as I’ve been editing back I can hear the creaks and cracks, the furniture here is like family, loved furniture and lots of cranky cranky. I hope the noise added to the charm and the ambiance of this beautiful time together. So my friend, thank you so much for this ride with me. Thank you for receiving and practicing. And again, I hope you will share this on with somebody who could really use it, hope, love inspiration, somebody going through the Big C as Jeffrey calls it, or relationship stuff or anything else. This sparked in your heart. And I thank you always for being here. Thank you. This has been me, Robin Beachy Robin. Thank you. I’m going to see you here next week, or in a few minutes. Same bat time same bat channel. Bye-bye.
A Course in Miracles Quotes:
No such thing as a small upset! — ACIM WKBK Lessons 5 + 6
I am willing to see this differently — ACIM WKBK Lesson 21
You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.
Related links for this episode:
Lisa Nigro Tea Queens Tea: www.teaqueens.com/lisanigro
Books mentioned in this episode:
The Book of Awakening, by Mark Nepo
You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.
Thank you for listening, may it serve you!
Hugs and love,
Help out the show: Leave a review on iTunes
Send a letter to Robin for the show
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This week, I have my better half along on the ride 🙂 Episode 62 is a special one recorded with #1husband, it’s an honest conversation about sacred relationship and what it really looks like for us, including the ups, downs, scares, marriage counselors, and giggles. We talk about: What it means to test the theory of flow and abundance in real-time. Choosing between love and fear, even when it’s cancer on the line. How every day we find things to celebrate about the other person. My friend who said, never apologize for your amazing relationship, you should share the light on. The advice our minister gave us the day we were married. Choosing to not gossip about each other outside the relationship. Our choice to not connect through complaining and what that looks like. Why it’s never bad to celebrate what you love even if it’s tiny stuff. Favorite things #1husband said: You have to be selfish before you can prosper. Relationships mean patience, being brave and willing to want the best for the other person. It’s just as easy to make the decision to have a great life… why not fantasize about a bright future instead of a bad one. Our inspiration this week is a favorite Friday night ritual of ours– three wins and one thing I loved about you this week. Our letter comes from a friend who is wondering how to meet her true companion. Let’s do this Come grab a cuppa yum yum and meet me here. ❤️ Episode 62: Sacred Relationship, Three Wins, #truecompanion http://robinhallett.libsyn.com/episode-62-sacred-relationship-three-wins-truecompanion Link in bio for full episode on iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or wherever you enjoy listening Always, thank you so much for supporting the podcast! I appreciate your awesome reviews, and you sharing these episodes with friends who can benefit. Want me to read your letter on the show? DM me here or email hello @ robinhallett.com #teawithrobin #acourseinmiracles #acim @robinhallett