I had an especially interesting day at “work” today. Each client asked me the same question: Will things ever get better for me?
And although each client asked the same question, they all were coming at it from a different perspective.
The first person asked, “Will it get better for me? I hope it’s gonna get better, I keep waiting and hoping it will. Money is really tight so I keep hoping it’s gonna get better, I’d really like to take a trip sometime in the future.”
The second person said, “Will things ever get better for me? I’m trying really hard. I try so hard. I sit down every day and I push myself to write. I’m pushing so hard. I work so hard, but it just never seems to work out. My efforts don’t seem to pay off, nobody wants to hire me and if they do, it’s for very little pay.”
The third person said, “Will things ever get better for me? I have been waiting for my partner to get his act together for the past 10 years. TEN YEARS! I have been on hold for TEN YEARS waiting for him to get it together!!”
They had a lot more in common than just this question too.
While they’re all able to identify that they want a better life for themselves than the one they’re currently experiencing, they struggle to trust that things will indeed get better. They each worry and doubt. AND, a significant issue is that they place the power of change outside of themselves.
The feedback I offered each client was the same:
YES, things are going to get better!!
But I am clear, I am certain if you sit back and do nothing, nothing is going to happen.
Things will get better when you show up in your life and take authentic action.
Here’s how you do that:
1. If life isn’t going in the direction you want it to, set the intention and create the goals to carry you in the direction you really want to travel.
Go ahead and identify what your intention is. Is my intention to have joy? Is my intention to have peace? Is my intention to have fun? What is it? Just say it right now because nothing happens without clarity.
Next, you need to set some goals that support the intention.
It’s a lot like traveling…if you want to take a trip from Chicago to Texas, you should probably take a look at what it’s going to take to get there. You need to look at the map.
To take that trip to Texas, you need to be clear that a) you’re indeed going to Texas, and b) you’d like to get there easily, smoothly, safely. (You probably aren’t interested in hitchhiking or traveling like a hobo on a train, right?)
It’s good to know and be clear about your intention and the goals which support it.
Perhaps your intention is to be free and you’re someone with a very cluttered house or maybe you have a lot of debt. (Lots of us have both!) and you fall into that trap of telling yourself, “Someday, one day, it will be clear and THEN I will be free”. No way, my friend, that will never happen. Things can be good starting today. You need to get clear. You need to take action.
It takes you showing up and clearing the clutter. You throwing out that garbage. You donating that stuff taking up space. It takes you showing up each week and looking at your finances.
It takes you showing up and taking responsibility for your life and how you want it to be.
2. Don’t blame the situation on anyone else, don’t put the possibilities of change outside of yourself.
Bottom line: When we blame other people for our suffering, we put the condition of our freedom onto their actions and we remain forever victims.
If you really want to take your power and make change happen, it’s time to acknowledge that this is an inner journey you need to do.
Sure, you could argue that you have a parent or a spouse or a child or a sibling or a coworker or a neighbor in your life who creates large amounts of chaos and drama and you repeatedly get sucked into their vortex of crap. And you could also argue that the inertia of certain people connected to you makes you feel hopelessly stuck. This could all be true. (And when this happens in my own life, and I believe I am at the mercy of other people, it’s crappy for me too).
Still, we are the ones who are responsible for making our own happiness. We are the ones who define what that means to us.
It’s up to you to surround yourself with the people you feel good around. You are not a hostage, no matter how much it may seem so. You’ve got to break free and see this.
Most of the time, I find that we keep ourselves stuck and kept inside these patterns of pain because it’s familiar and there’s a bizarre sort of comfort in not rocking the boat. If that’s you, this is the truest and the bravest thing you could admit to yourself right now.
3. Watch your tendency to focus on how crappy things are. We tend to focus on the crappy parts and this makes for more and more self-doubt and uncertainty.
Your biggest challenge at this point is to shift your thoughts about where you’re at right now because what you place your awareness on grows.
What are you aware of right now? What kinds of thoughts are you focusing on? Do you think it’s hopeless? Do you think you’re exempt from the goodness in life? Do you think you’re a failure?
When you believe thoughts like, Although I try really hard, things usually don’t turn out well for me, guess what happens?
Every time you allow these stories to spin unattended, you affirm them.
You might tell me that there’s all this evidence in your life that it is true: Things are crappy! My husband is a deadbeat! I try so hard but nothing EVER happens! I am swimming in debt! I am a loser!
Beliefs are nothing more than thoughts you repeatedly think are true.
You need to be more choosy with the thoughts you allow. Remember, you’re trying to get to Texas, not Siberia. Staying in alignment with your intention and goals also means you need to be aware of the attention you give to the crappy thinking.
I know you can do this, my friend. You’re awesome. And you are MORE than capable.
Go ahead and apply these little gems to your life, and you’ll begin to feel very excited and light and free. Without any evidence appearing, you’ll KNOW it’s gonna be okay. You’ll feel happy and even proud of the journey you’re on.
When you take responsibility for the part of you who wants someone else to come in and fix everything for you without you doing anything, you take back a piece of your power. Now, this is a true ass-kicker in my opinion, and these are people I want to be around!
Showing up and doing the work will be scary sometimes… and those of us who have spent entire days on the couch watching Lost and eating cookies (ahem, been there done that) know this to be true. Be kind and gentle. There are just times when you will feel like you’re lost in the desert.
But that’s what this Love Posse is here for. And if you’re not part of our gang, come join us, you are invited! You are not alone, my friend. See that orange box? Come on and join us.
I totally believe in you. I know you can do this. Let’s get going, gorgeous. We’ll do it together. Let’s take some action, let’s take a chance, let’s make a stab at it! Woot! 🙂
Rock this day like you really mean it!