Tea with Robin

Don’t Pretend You’re Fine with It, Set a Boundary Instead // Tea with Robin Podcast Episode 54

Don't Pretend You're Fine with It, Set a Boundary Instead

The other person pushing on you is not evil, even if they may need a kick in the pants.

What if we saw them as teachers who are here to help us learn something instead.

In this episode of Tea with Robin, I share some stories about times when I handled my boundaries well, and some experiences which went off the rails. Our inspiration is from a poet you may know and love and our letter is a followup from Episode 50 #lostinamerica2. All this and more. Grab a cuppa yum yum and meet me here. 

🎧 Listen to Episode 54: Defining Boundaries, Inner Shaman, #lostinamerica2

http://robinhallett.libsyn.com/episode-54-defining-boundaries-inner-shaman-lostinamerica2

This episode is also available wherever you enjoy podcasts 🙂

My session notes including time stamps are below 😍😘


Don't Pretend You're Fine with It, Set a Boundary Instead

My notes from this show:

0:00 

Intro + greeting from Robin, welcome to episode 54. How is the weather in your heart? Are you cherishing this day and remembering that you too are a soul full of possibility and delight? I hope so!

We have the possibility, and anything we’ve been worrying about today can change with your direction. You are the captain at the helm at all times. Shift happens, baby! So let’s decide on the good shift. 

2:30

I share about me, and the garden, and my tomato thief.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Robin✨ Intuitive Energy Healer (@robinhallett) on


5:20

Did you bring a cuppa yum yum today? Cheers! Here’s to us and the fab moment and always being free to decide and honoring the choices.

7:20

I share a story about “My Special Friend” the one about being at a client’s funeral and being introduced as the “Special Friend.” 

10:00 

Our topic today is a deeper dive into boundaries.

This is sort of a follow up episode from EP. 52 it’s totally fine if you haven’t heard it yet.

How to define and defend your boundaries. How to deal with the hairy hard things. 

The other person is not evil, even if they may need a kick in the pants, they are just challenging us to speak up and handle what we need to. 

I have 9 points!

How do we know what our boundaries are? We recognize something has gone wrong and learn to celebrate that you recognized the thing going wrong instead of pretending you’re fine.

You will not do this perfectly and that’s okay. 

Your soul is here for its own joy, it’s not interested in the kerfluffles and drama, the tennis matches… it just wants to explore and have fun.

Your freedom matters.

Each upset is a new learning experience. You’re not being graded on this. Full permission to test the waters. Take this as a learning experience and decide you are going to have a new policy that you matter, and you will speak up, even when it’s hard and scary! 

15:00

We don’t drop the baby. And who is the baby? US. We matter the most.

In every moment we are choosing to create, so take these moments happening for you to get very clear about what works for you and what doesn’t. This is how you figure out what your boundaries are.

Make a dicsion that you are going to live with integrity and be proud of yourself. Contrast is a powerful thing, people who throw monkey wrenches in our day are here to teach us, help us. No need to lay down and give up. But our big reaction to contrast is simply because we don’t dump the bucket. 

This is your opportunity to become free. You aren’t being persecuted. 

This person throwing the monkey wrench is a teacher. Demonizing someone else is not the plan. Spirit looks at everyone as the same spark of the divine. Everyone is helping us walk the path.

Don't Pretend You're Fine with It, Set a Boundary Instead

19:00

I share kooky examples of boundary settings and stories from my own life.

We all want to feel seen and heard and loved and cherished by the people around us. We want them to acknowledge our importance and see that our needs are important too. But who needs to do this for us really? It’s not them, it’s us. You can’t go around asking everyone to get that you’re important…it’s a futile journey. You need to see this for yourself. 

When people don’t even ask you first, it’s a sign that you need to practice your boundaries. 

They are dark angels coming to wake us up, to liberate what’s been hiding inside us waiting to be healed. 

24:00

If you’ve ever said yes, and later realized it’s a NO for you, you can still change your mind.

I share a story about a spiritual teacher I had this happen with. Oh boy, she did not like that. It was a no for me but I said yes out of fear. I said yes to extraordinary things because it felt like I was being chosen, requested, special… and this may be the shadow energy of the teacher too. 

As the time drew nearer, it began to feel like Sophie’s Choice for me. 

My healer said the most important thing is that you do not go. And I realized how terrified I was to NOT go so instead I created all this drama to be busy with but what I really needed to do was get this off my plate.

Do not feel guilty or bad even if you said yes and then no and then they blow up at you. Remember these situations are powerful teachers to remind you: I do have boundaries, I do matter, and I am the only one who needs to get it.

28:30

This person exploded at me and made a huge stink. I thought I was going to be blackballed in the spiritual community forever. And I still may be by that one person anyway. But so what? Who cares.

What am I supposed to do?

Hello, person, I am unable to offer healing to you today because I have been blackballed by one person who thinks I am an idiot… 

No. You gotta pick yourself up and dust yourself off and sometimes it means, you’ve likely been too loose with your boundaries. But remember, their reaction is none of your business!

I guarantee you, if you witness that happening, it won’t be the one setting the boundary who seems kooky, it will be the one freaking out on you! 

robin hallett intuitive healer setting boundaries

I talk about a client who helps people by consulting, and they have a client who never pays the bill but always wants my friend to drop everything and help. I discuss strategies. Don’t demonize people for being who they are. We are participating. 

What we need to do is exit the ride and ask how am I creating problems for myself here and educating them on how to treat me? 

Take a pause and help yourself breathe. Ask yourself what you need to do. It’s just as possible for you to set a boundary as it is to let yourself freak.

Consider what you need to do going forward too. If this is something that keeps happening, you need to shift things.

33:30

I discuss possibilities for you to do things differently in business.

Really, it’s not great we’re getting mad at people because we aren’t practicing loving ourselves – we are mad because we’ve been betraying our needs. 

Don’t get so wrapped up in the upset. All the upset is is a learning device. How would it be to take the personal out of this?

I am still in training too, and I am learning to recognize my upset as a signal to set a boundary. 

This is our practice and learning. Happening so we can get better and be easier for ourselves. 

When I notice the uncomfortable feeling it’s my sign to practice.

If you’re really in for this journey, it means you do need to also recognize (and you do need to do this for your own freedom too): You AND the other person are equal sparks of the Divine. Even if they are being horrible, it’s still true. We need to practice kindness. 

ACIM wkbk 192:

Without the kindly light of forgiveness, we will grope in the darkness using our reason to justify our rage and attack of the other person. And then we’re the jailer bound together with the other person. 

37:30

We did not come to take prisoners. 

Don’t let it get to that point, that you’re so wrapped up and jailing yourself along with your prisoner and missing your moment of joy that’s always happening NOW.

Say what you need to say! 

This is happening so you can speak up.

So how do you define and defend your boundaries?

You want to be kind as you do it. These are usually people you want to stay connected with.

Sometimes I tell people, take the time to write it out first. 

Give yourself space to explore how you’re feeling and what you need.

Don’t be mean to yourself!

You would never talk to a three-year-old the way you talk to you, right?

Especially if they talk like Elmer Fudd. Cutest kiddo ever!

Don't Pretend You're Fine with It, Set a Boundary Instead

40:47

Write these words on a card and hand them off! This is hard for me to say… this is really hard for me to tell you… this is hard to acknowledge… and I honor our relationship so I want to tell you, it’s a no for me. 

Your resistance and upset is the indicator that something’s gone wrong and you’re carrying something you need to set down. 

43:45

It’s okay if the other person gets upset. This is not the important part! But consider something in a new way… maybe this other person runs their entire life in this chaotic way. And maybe finally, you are coming along to help them see the light.

Do you know anyone like that? Chaos, drama in practically every corner of their life. And they’ve heard it all before from friends, family… and here you come, and they finally blow up. They’re not ready to take responsibility maybe but when you bring your heart to this, perhaps they can heal too. 

You’re like the cherry on the sundae nobody wants to eat. But don’t take it personally, you are the one who is in their life and finally help them see. 

Amazing grace, 

I once was lost but now I’m found

Was blind but now I see

Let’s not become the jailer for people in the process of setting boundaries. Let’s have compassion in our hearts as we do what we need to do. 

Let’s remember this is a process.

If you ask me, I say you’re doing very very well.

45:00 

ACIM workbook 192

I have a function the light of the universe wants me to fill.

Hold no one prisoner.

Release instead of bind.

For thus are you made free.

The way is simple,

Every time you feel a stab of anger or hurt,

Realize you hold a sword above your own head and it will fall or be averted as you choose to be condemned or free.

Thus, does each one who seems to tempt you to be angry represent your savior

From the prison-house of death and so you owe him thanks instead of death.

46:09

Announcements!

This is not the average conversation most of us are having. I’d appreciate you sharing this episode on with anyone it would resonate with. Share it on Facebook using the links at the top of this post or help out the show: Leave a review on iTunes Thank you 🙂

Special shout out to Tracy:

Thank you Robin! This episode helped me fully take in what you’re saying: WE ARE HERE TO SHINE!. I am not here to worry, or try to figure out, or make up storiesabout other people’s stuff… I am here to shine! Lots of love to you! — Tracy

47:15

Inspiration this week: 

Don't Pretend You're Fine with It, Set a Boundary Instead

Dear Inner Shaman, Mother and Guru, Please Help Me to Remember

Dear inner Shaman, Mother, and Guru, please help me to remember:

I am my own Shaman

there’s no need to climb Machu Picchu

or wander the desert seeking,

I’m right here.

I am my own mother

I know best what soothes my colicky cry,

and eases my indigestion

or rocks me gently to sleep

I am my own Guru

they say I come from stardust

ancient wisdom flows through my veins

my cells vibrate with knowing

I am one with the Universe

but sometimes, I’m like a little mole in the garden

nearly blind and searching

all the while burrowing deeper

dear inner Shaman, Mother, and Guru, please help me to remember

it’s all in here already

I am already on the inside, standing in the sacred room

only knocking on the door hoping to be let in

— Robin Hallett 8/18/2014

And you are too! You are your own Shaman, Mother, and Guru…

You, my friend, are your own Shaman, mother and guru too…trust what you know, and give yourself permission to follow your own teachings. They’re the ones that suit you best…

49:00 

I talk about getting a little pushback about that poem, specifically for saying I am my own Guru… and even the artwork too…

But should I care about the opinion of other people over my own? I think not. That’s the deal for me anyway… do I feel good about my truth in my own heart? YES! Besides, we’re not here to worry about the pushback, are we? 

Don't Pretend You're Fine with It, Set a Boundary Instead

This week’s Letter: #lostinamerica2

A follow up story from Klaudia in Episode 50 She wrote a letter this week to say how she’s doing.

Hi, Robin:

I am so grateful for your prayers 💖 i really do believe that they helped. I’ve listened to your podcast already twice and can feel the energy in my whole body (I loved every part of it)!! 

As it goes to my story… the universe is constantly winking at me. The best example is your dream that you talked about in the podcast. Let me explain why… I haven’t found work connected to spirituality but I found one that is only 6 hours a day which is perfect as I can focus my energy on my own project which is… organizing a retreat for women in Bali! And with who I am organizing this reatrat? With a flight attendant that is in between changing her jobs and moving into spirituality. The universe is speaking to me constantly and I try to follow his advice 🙂 

I don’t know yet how I will get where I am supposed to be and when it will happen. But my faith is strong and it is getting stronger with every day.  

With all my heart thank you and all the listeners ! I am sending you gold energy to sparkle your day up ✨✨✨

With love, 

Klaudia

Wow! Klaudia!!

This reminds me of my friend from Episode 53 who is now moving to Italy!! 

When we can let go of our fearful stories, so much bigger energy can move with us and you just never know what miracles come!

How would it be to stay in that place of ease and delight and expectancy of grave and sparkles and miracles instead of only the tennis match back and forth, only the dark disco of you mind.

Learn to recognize and let go, and just look at this! Look at ypur miracles! And also the wink wink back that on the spiode I read your letter I shared the dream I had which is now LITERALLY the job you will be doing. 

WHOA, friend!

If I can read a letter for you, if I can shine a light, or you have a follow up topic for a future episode write to me here.

Well friends, It’s still early here, I think I am gonna make banana sandwiches or maybe liverwurst on apples. I can’t decide.

So that’s me! Thanks for listening, I will see you here next week. And remember: set a boundary. Tuck yourself into your own heart pocket today and ride in there. 

Don't Pretend You're Fine with It, Set a Boundary Instead


Show references below

⭐A Course in Miracles Quotes:

You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.

From ACIM WKBK 192: 

I have a function the light of the universe wants me to fill.

Hold no one prisoner.

Release instead of bind.

For thus are you made free.

The way is simple,

Every time you feel a stab of anger or hurt,

Realize you hold a sword above your own head and it will fall or be averted as you choose to be condemned or free.

Thus, does each one who seems to tempt you to be angry represent your savior

From the prison-house of death and so you owe him thanks instead of death.

⭐Related links for this episode:

My best posts on boundaries here

Rock it like you mean it: Self Care Tips for Entrepreneurs

Dear Inner Shaman, Mother and Guru, Please Help Me to Remember

Here’s to the Dark Angels in Our Lives

Boundaries: How to rock them without becoming a sweaty hot mess.

Rescuer, Caretaker, People Pleaser (Healing Insights)

When It’s Time to Take off the Superhero Cape

⭐Books mentioned in this episode:

A course in Miracles: Combined Volume

You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.

⭐Movies mentioned in this episode:

Sophie’s Choice

Thank you for listening, may it serve you!

Hugs and love,

Subscribe to Tea with Robin on iTunesGoogle PlayStitcher, or Spotify.
Click here to get email notifications as soon as a new episode goes live.

Help out the show: Leave a review on iTunes

Send a letter to Robin for the show


View this post on Instagram

🎧Episode 54: So how do you recognize your boundaries and learn to defend them? How to handle the hairy things and say what you need to say with lots of examples. No more double dutch jump roping with people even when they try to pull you in. How to remember to exit the ride but still ask ourselves, How have I participated in teaching them to treat me this way? so we learn better for the next time. Because, ugh, there’s always a next time. Bottom line: We didn’t come to take prisoners. I’ll share some of my own stories about some of the worst times I’ve had with boundaries and how I did it. And why we need to practice not feeling guilty or bad even if the other person tries to make you feel bad. Even if they threaten to blackball you in the community! When people blow up at you, their reaction is not about you. Do your best to be kind and remember this is really about taking good care of you. From ACIM WKBK 192: Therefore, hold no one prisoner. Release instead of bind, for thus are you made free. The way is simple. Every time you feel a stab of anger, realize you hold a sword above your head. And it will fall or be averted as you choose to be condemned or free. Plus some funny stories of my own, especially the one about being at a client’s funeral and being introduced as the “Special Friend.” Our inspiration is from a poet you may know and love and our letter is a followup from Episode 50 #lostinamerica2. Here’s to the good shift, baby! This is not the average self-help conversation. Come grab a cuppa yum yum and meet me here. ❤️ Listen to Episode 54: Defining Boundaries, Inner Shaman, #lostinamerica2 http://robinhallett.libsyn.com/episode-54-defining-boundaries-inner-shaman-lostinamerica2 Link in bio for full episode on iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or wherever you enjoy listening Always, thank you so much for supporting the podcast! I appreciate your awesome reviews, and you sharing these episodes with friends who can benefit. Want me to read your letter on the show? DM me here or email hello @ robinhallett.com #teawithrobin @robinhallett

A post shared by Robin✨ Intuitive Energy Healer (@robinhallett) on

 
❤ Hello, sweet friend! I am available to work with you privately in session long-distance or in-person in Arlington Heights, IL learn more about working with me privately here. 

Did you know you can sign up to receive weekly inspiration straight to your inbox? Subscribe to my emails here.

Always, if I can help, write to me here. Sending you love and peace! ❤