This is a little pep talk for those of you in the Love Posse who are having some rough times with standing up and honoring yourselves.
If you’ve been experiencing kooky boundary stuff with people in your life–especially if it’s becoming somewhat of a recurring theme–this post is for you!
Lots of us are confused about what boundaries look like on a spiritual path.
Walking a spiritual path does not mean being walked on. A spiritual path is not about being good either.
When I think about the tough stuff that comes up on the journey, I am often reminded of Mary Oliver’s poem, Wild Geese, especially the lines:
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
You do not have to be good…you do not have to crawl on your knees repenting.
(you also do not have to be super extra nice and look the other way while people are unkind, or rude, or mean, or inappropriate, over-the-line, or whatever else they seem to be doing at the moment)
The stuff that comes up on our spiritual path is not always supposed to be tolerated. A spiritual path is about you becoming free.
It’s about you learning to honor yourself and love yourself always in all ways and boundaries are a huge part of this. The friction that happens between you and the other people is often Divine friction, intended to rub off the rough edges to reveal the true diamond you really are.
The thing is, we have to stand up for ourselves.
I know it can be hard and scary to set boundaries.
To stand up for what is right.
To ask for more than you were being offered previously.
But you are worth it, this is your precious life we are talking about.
Walking a spiritual path does not mean you’re supposed to lay down and let people walk all over you.
Your path has nothing to do with playing nice and giving everybody everything they want. It isn’t about you looking the other way while inappropriate things are happening.
It isn’t about learning to take a hit in the gut while you keep on smiling. It isn’t about practicing patience with those who really need a spanking.
It isn’t about praying harder for people who are causing you grief. Or learning how to meditate just a little bit longer to “rise above” all of the anger you’re feeling.
Your journey is about choosing yourself. And often choosing yourself means standing up for YOU.
As long as you are not addressing your boundaries, as long as you are not standing up for yourself, you are expending precious life force energy on stuff you didn’t intend.
You deserve a life you feel proud to claim. The longer you spend honoring these kooky situations instead of your boundaries, the longer it is going to take to get to where you say you want to be.
You have important work to do. I know this is a scary thing and I don’t want to scare you, it’s not my intention at all. I believe in you and I see the potential that’s right here, and I want to encourage you over the hump that says: Handling things is too scary so I will stay right here.
Speaking up and addressing what is needing to be addressed is scary. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it!
I mean, how much longer are you gonna be a hot sweaty mess? I know ALL about those 3 am tossing and turning adventures. And one day, I said ENOUGH. I was ready to face my fear.
And so are you. 🙂
I can feel it!
It is totally fine, to begin with small, gentle, easy steps.
And we can begin with a pre-step! Just like preschool 🙂
Let me help you understand why all of this matters. Because I get that all of this standing up for yourself and setting boundaries stuff is hard and scary, and helloooooo the holidays are coming! Family drama, anyone?
It matters because you are a precious gem and you are supposed to come first in your life.
It matters because NOT honoring yourself is very very costly energetically, it drains your juju and keeps you stuck.
It matters because we affirm what we hold dear. And believe me, when you’re scared you are holding the fear dear. I know you don’t mean it, ok? But the Universe is listening!
It matters because the people in your life should not be given permission to run all over your boundaries, time, or energy. That is precious real estate and it needs to be honored.
It also matters because we teach people how to treat us… and you want to take responsibility for your part in how that is going, right?
How to hack this boundaries thing like the Ass Kicker of Light you truly are 😉
I said hack it!
Life is short, and who has time to take the long road? We all need a good shortcut.
1. Decide. Today is the day you begin standing up for yourself, period!
Acknowledge what is really going on and allow yourself space to feel your feelings. I know it might be scary but the simple truth is, you matter and your life matters. This is important. Do it.
2. Honor your knowing, honor your truth.
What’s true for you is true for you.
Say that out loud, What’s true for me is true for me. It doesn’t matter what anybody else says, this is how I feel.
Did you say it?!
Even if it feels scary, allowing yourself to know your truth is a step in the right direction. The small steps count, they add up over time. Today you might just take a tiny peek at what’s really going on as far as your own heart’s concerned…tomorrow you may have another idea about what comes next.
3. Pretend your time and energy matters. Pretend until it becomes real for you.
We have to learn where to draw the line. When to recognize that certain kinds of energies have no place trying to dance with us. It’s very difficult to shine authentically from your core while you’re stressed, anxious or afraid about certain situations you’re involved in.
I know how scary it is to actually make the moves of standing up, speaking up, making the choice. So for today, you are going to pretend you are an ace at this. Ok? In the privacy of your own mind and heart, you are an ace. Pretty soon it will start to happen outwardly too.
4. 30 second freakouts. Ask yourself: If today is my last day here, would I be happy with the energy I spent on this?
Because, holy crap, most of us have lost someone. And we have had those moments of clarity where so much of what we’ve been doing, and putting up with is totally pointless. Give yourself a little jolt. It works like a charm.
5. Extra Credit!! Ask yourself some questions. Extra extra credit, write down the answers.
How is this situation familiar to other times I felt this way? What happened then? What dots can I connect between the two?
What don’t I want to look at?
How is this situation exhausting me?
What do I hate about this situation?
If I weren’t afraid, what would I do here?
If you can take some time to ask yourself these questions and maybe journal a few lines, you will get answers. Perhaps they will be scary answers, which is totally okay because you want to wake up and take hold of your precious life, don’t you?
You are not alone. You can do this!
Rock it like you mean it!