You are the shizzle.
I am telling you the truth. You are.
Still, every day, in small and big ways, you’re gonna feel challenged to own it. Sometimes you’ll even be asked to give it away. It’s up to you to understand this, and to know that your only job in the moment is to stay in your own lane. Especially then, it’s imperative that you be authentic and shine brightly and do what you’re here to do.
Yes, you are the shizzle!
But when you abandon your post and go around trying to emulate the way others shine, nobody is home in the little sliver of the universe that belongs to you. You need to broadcast from your own frequency. You must honor and own your unique way of being in the world.
Are you owning it? Or, do you deny it?
In the times when you insist that you are NOT ‘all that’, you’re actually refusing to take your place in the universe. I know you didn’t mean to do this, but you need to understand this is still what you’re doing. It’s like you’re turning off your porch light whenever someone rings the doorbell. We all suffer when you do this. You suffer because you hold back your essential spark which is painful for you; and I suffer because I am unable to receive the real you which gives me the signal that I can’t be the real me. And the more we do this, we pollute the world with energy that says: Nobody be authentic! Nobody be real! Fake it. Pretend you’re not you. Hide the shizzle away!
Most of my life someone has been telling me I should give up my shizzle
I was too much and not good enough at the same time. Too big, too bold, and too honest. Can’t I just learn to learn to be more demure? Act like a lady? Couldn’t I just mince my words, and walk on some freaking eggshells already? If only I wasn’t so rude. If only I wasn’t so selfish. If only I would just tone it way the heck down, my life would be so much easier…
There were moments when, right in the middle of shining brightly, I got clobbered.
If you’re interested, I’ve shared some of those stories here. But the biggest offender was my own mother, who loved me as best she could but still managed to send the message: There is only room for one sparkly person in this family, so don’t shine too brightly or you’ll make me feel bad. And, if you make me feel bad, you’re gonna be in trouble. Mom was the one who shined, period. And shine she did, but she needed to shine, she desperately needed people to see her as shiny.
Upsetting her wasn’t an option, so I gave up my shizzle to keep the peace.
It was her own insecurity which lead her to give me advice like, You’re making me feel bad about myself, Robin and, You’re stealing my limelight, Robin and, You make me feel like I am nothing, Robin.
She just couldn’t tolerate my shizzle. But here’s the thing: my mom not being able to tolerate my shining brightly was about her, not me. She didn’t know how to celebrate and delight in and appreciate the uniqueness of her own child. And even though this was about her, I suffered from the fallout. I was often worried about how she would feel if something good happened to me. And to this day, I have to practice letting myself shine without apology.
After my mom’s passing, I found a stack of letters in her drawer which I had written to her as a little girl. Most of them were like this: I am sorry for hurting your feelings, I love you. Please don’t feel bad mom. I am sorry. I don’t really remember writing them, but I absolutely without a doubt know the fear of outshining anyone else. Moms and daughters…it can be a tricky dynamic. I’ve had plenty of time to heal and find compassion for our struggles together, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect for me now. I still get scared, I still worry about outshining. Life gives us plenty of opportunities to continue to heal. Those old wounds get triggered and we continue to grow.
We will be asked to give up our shizzle. We’ll be challenged to not make others feel bad as we shine.
A while back, at a Sacred Circle I was leading, I offered a practice to the women present. In order to embody the light more fully, I said: You are the Shizzle. And then, I challenged the women to own it, saying: We are the shizzle. We stood in a round, holding hands, it was a spontaneous and beautiful offering. There were giggles at first and then the energy in our circle became deep and wide as the women stepped into that truth.
The next day, I received an email from a circle attendee
She was compelled to write to me, she said, about that shizzle comment I made. Didn’t I know I was good enough exactly as I am? Didn’t I know that who I am is beautiful without saying all that stuff about being the shizzle?
I am challenging you to give up the Shizzle, she wrote, I dare you to just throw away that story that you need to say things like that in order to get more clients…
Bam. Yikes. Ow. I was smack in the middle of the old story: Don’t shine too brightly; if you do there’ll be consequences.
But shizzle is my middle name. I’m bubbly and exuberant and sparkly. I was born that way. I am a spark of the Divine and this is the way the Light manifests in me. Why would I dial that back? Why would I change something so essential about myself that I’ve worked so hard to reveal?
The sad truth about getting shamed in the middle of our shine
What she said triggered that old wound. Ouchie, right to the heart of my not feeling welcome in the world. And for the better part of a day, I was in it; completely victimized by her words and my interpretation of them. I had a tummy ache, I was emotional, and grumpy. I was like, SEE, the world does not want me to shine brightly because EVERY time I do, I get pummeled.
It’s not about being perfect on your path; it’s about getting your buns back into alignment when you’re off course. This person was an angel in disguise, offering me another opportunity to not shop my vibes out to anyone else. To remember who I truly am, and not allow the opinion of other people to matter more to me than my own.
When our feelings are hurt by the actions of another and our reaction is a bit over the top, it’s good to remember that some part of our unhealed history is being mirrored to us in that moment.
This person triggered something already alive inside me… there is a place in each of us like that which needs some healing. It’s not that the other person didn’t say something offensive or inappropriate or rude, it’s just that the big charge you feel in your body when it happens is because you have unfinished business with your history. The charge you’re feeling in the moment has only a little to do with what happened today. The event scratched a scab open, but the reason you’re bleeding has little to do with that scratch. This is so helpful to see and attempt to understand. If you don’t, you will forever need to make that person bad and wrong, you will forever hold them hostage as the ONE who ruined everything. You will continue to blame someone rather than take responsibility for your life. And this isn’t fair to you and it isn’t fair to them.
It’s easy to get mad at people who don’t support you.
It’s easy to hate the ones who tell you what you’re doing isn’t quite right. It’s easy to feel victimized by people who say you need to change, that what you’re offering is too much. That’s easy. And you know what else it is? It’s lazy. It’s lazy and comfortable and familiar. And you’ve come too far to let yourself stay stuck in that place. When you allow yourself to believe that someone else has the key to your shizzle, you make them God and lose everything.
Your power lies inside you – and you’ve always had it. Remember this.
Don’t give your Shizzle away because someone tells you it’s too much. That’s their problem to figure out, you know? Don’t let anyone tell you who you are. You cannot shop your vibes out to people and hope they will fill in your blanks. If we all went around trying to emulate the way others shine, there would be nobody home in the little sliver of the universe that belongs to us. No star blinking in our sacred spot, and that means the world will be a bit out of balance.
Every day you will be challenged in owning your shizzle.
SO, OWN IT.
It’s up to you to see it as practice. A sacred invitation for you to understand even more clearly that your only job in that moment is to stay in your own lane, to hold your values close, to resonate at your own frequency. Be who you were born to be. Do what you’re here to do.
Yes, I handled it with her.
After I had a little time to process and settle, I found the gratitude in her challenge to me. But for a while there, I was sure I was a goner! I thought I would close up shop and never ever offer a sacred circle again. But that didn’t last long! Thank goodness. It was really more about her than me anyway. I’m excited to tell you that I will be offering another sacred circle soon, this time it is a getaway retreat. If you’re interested, go here to learn more.