Hello, sweet Friend,
I am sending you some love and a bit of magic — the kind that is peaceful and sweet and knows just where it’s needed most.
This has been a big week. Yikes, it feels like I’ve been saying that to you a lot lately.
I thought about not writing to you about Me Too this week. I have this little issue with not wanting to be a downer in my letters to you. I get scared to ruin the party sometimes and I don’t want people fleeing in droves because of something I shared but I think that’s part of the problem. So here I am.
I thought about sharing my story or not, and upfront I wanted to say this isn’t that.
I am writing this letter to help and inspire, to offer you some re-frames on perspectives and a few gentle practices too. May there be nuggets which are perfect for your heart just now. And for a friend – feel free to forward on wherever it is needed.
I’ll also link to some of my stories on the blog in the postscript, in case they are of service to you.
I really want to encourage each and every one of us to work with this energy happening now (I am speaking of the #metoo sharings we’ve been seeing online this week, plus the stories coming forward about HW in Hollywood…but you can easily exchange this for the many other disturbances going on right now).
I call them disturbances because my favorite teacher had a saying, Disturbance takes precedence. Do they ever.
Please be kind with your heart right now.
This time and its out loud awareness are going to stir the pot. And you may not realize that your pot is being stirred. So either way, please be so very kind and gentle with yourself as you move through the day.
Make sure you are talking to people about your feelings — try to have some real, offline conversations about how you are doing, what you are seeing, what your perspective is.
We are a beautiful and awesome Love Posse. I wanna say I love us all so much, and I’m really glad to see us speaking up and out about what feels important to us. And equally, if you’re someone who does not want to speak up and out or would not feel comfy speaking up and out, I want you to know that’s right for you. Your own feelings are telling you not to do this, so listen and be honoring of your own knowing.
Your heart is a sacred chamber, please honor your own right way. It isn’t always appropriate to share, and sometimes going against your own knowing is like being hurt all over again. Please be kind to your heart.
For those who choose to share, I wonder, how do we do this and honor our sacred container too?
How do we not overexpose ourselves to the point of harming our tenderness? Also, because there is bound to be some anger too, how do we maintain the light awareness in our own hearts? Can we share without venting our auspuff at other people? (I love the word auspuff…it means exhaust in German). How do we express ourselves without creating more division, and unintentional harm?
Because as lightworkers, I do believe that’s our truest calling.
Yes, it’s important to process our feelers, and express our truths. To hold people accountable for their actions. We’re also (hopefully!) remembering we come from Spirit. We are each sparkles of the Divine. Can we share our awakening and awarenesses without dividing? Can we share stories without holding others in darkness? Can we do it and hold love in our hearts?
Make a difference with your presence. Reach out and share your light. Tell someone they matter, listen with your whole heart.
Ranty rants are not always the same as expressing and releasing your healthy anger. I know there is a lot to get ranty about right now, and everywhere I turn there seems to be another ranty brewing. But keep in mind that you and your story and what happened to you and what has happened to so so so many others deserve reverence and love and healing.
Be kind and gentle and hug your own heart lots.
You are someone who is in the process of healing. And just like how physical recovery takes time, your heart and spirit need rest and gentleness too. Even if you don’t feel upset right now, I bet you’re linked to someone who is. So tend to your excellent care and feeding. Fresh air, sunshine, movement, good food, water. Tea and more tea! (I love mine with honey and almond milk right now – early grey, Irish breakfast, or chai).
I need to do better with my own mental fear-mongering. What about you?
I can’t help but be hit with wave after wave right now, not only by my own memories of abuse and those times when I tried to advocate for myself and was shut down but also as I read my friend’s experiences.
It’s okay to feel our feelings right now.
It’s okay if you aren’t feeling very clear and centered and focused.
Practice a little kindness.
Take a step back. Take some time for you today, and tomorrow, and the next. Take as much as you need.
As you read other people’s stories, you may be tempted to compare and contrast with your own.
But there are no comparisons.
Your own story and experience are always valid.
You are you.
What happened to you, happened to you.
Don’t let yourself be made to feel marginalized or somehow not “wounded enough” as you read other peoples stories. Similarly, some of us have had extreme experiences happen to us, and we also should not judge what another person went through as not being bad or rough enough to warrant their upset.
It’s okay to have your experience and feelings.
All of us are walking on the mountain together.
All. Of. Us.
And speaking of all of us. It’s hard for me to imagine a scenario where something somehow does not apply to me too.
I am thinking a lot right now about how I can be more aware of my impact on others (and I’m not just talking about the good stuff here). Very recently, I said something careless to a friend of mine and I later realized what I said and felt overwhelmed by guilt and shame. I could have easily shrugged it off thinking, I didn’t mean it like that so why bother saying anything to my friend…but I cared about how it impacted her and I felt I needed to ask for her forgiveness too (even though I felt scared to bring it up). I wanted to allow space for her experience.
I want to do better. I believe we all want to do better. And so, if there are places where you feel called to do better just do it. Make a vow to your own heart and keep your word.
The hardest part for me personally is the bystander part.
More times than I can count, I was put in the position to be the small one who was in need of help having to ask for help, only to have the people who could have helped stand by and do nothing. This is what feels most painful to me right now. I know these kinds of things are difficult for each of us, but I do believe we can heal the pain of that by showing up here and now and addressing anywhere we may be feeling like that same bystander.
In my own healing practice, it’s something I’ve worked hard to improve. It’s scary, speaking up, it’s easy to feel afraid and get quiet, allowing the awkward silence to keep rolling instead. But say something. We can all work on that together 🙂
Lastly but certainly not least! Do you know who Pema Chödrön is?
She offers this practice called Equality Practice, but I prefer to call it the Just Like Me practice. She says it’s a way of you connecting with other people and realizing you are in the same boat. Just like me, everyone has been hurt. Just like me, everyone has felt afraid. Everyone, just like me, wants to be happy and avoid suffering. She goes on and it’s a beautiful teaching — you can google it. The point is to remember Just Like Me when we meet another person, or read about them in the paper, etc. I love this practice, and it really helps me in times when I am feeling triggered and a bit wild in my upset about what someone else has said or done.
I know I’ve missed a bazillion things in this note to you because there are a bazillion important things to say right now. But this is what I’ve got today. Besides telling you I love you. And maybe this right here and now is the next crack where the light gets in.
Know that you aren’t alone.
Need a little help? I’m always here.
P.S. Have you ever noticed how close the words sacred and scared are? I think that’s because the sacred is present in the scared… always always present. 💕
If it speaks to your heart just now to read some of my posts on my own stories: