I wake up some mornings feeling panicked about advancing beyond the threshold of fear
I’ve been feeling terrified a lot lately. Digging into some real deep terror work here. I’ve been naming bigger dreams for myself and bigger fears. I’ve been clarifying my language and tightening my offers. Treating myself as more and asking for more. Saying no and yes.
And as a result there are a lot of terror feelings activated in my nervous system. (and exhilaration and joy and freedom but I am trying to make a point here…) not everyone will get it but if you’re someone who does, you’re in good company, friend!
Beyond this place I’m standing, there’s an unknown territory
If I travel there, I know there will be dragons and zombies. I can already hear them scratching at my door. I might have to do things which seem like real feats of strength to me now. More upset, more churning is coming if I cross the line, I know. And if the dreams I’ve been having lately are any indication of the faith I have in myself, I’ll probably be equipped with something like an empty paper towel tube to fend them off with.
On those mornings when I wake up feeling upset and sweaty, I just want to stop
Maybe I’ve gone far enough. Maybe where I am at is just fine. I live a pretty idyllic life. All is indeed well. Let’s not be greedy. There ARE zombies out there, after all. Why not just lay back down, watch a little Captain Kathryn Janeway and forget about the big ticket longings? I’m probably too old anyway. It’s too late, too many others already on the track.
Yes, why not just stay right here, right where I am, and worship the almighty hairballs in my life. Take up residence with the freaking hairballs. They’re manageable. Easy. I know who I am in relation to the hairballs.
All hail the almighty hairball!
And after about 30 minutes of Janeway I realize that resistance is indeed futile. I am just too freaking excited about what I love, my one true thing. I’ve made a commitment to myself and to God, period.
Where I am going, I must go beyond my fear. Fear will be a constant companion, I can not wait for it to go away before I set out. It will take courage to speak truth despite the fear of being judged. Courage to go beyond just making nice and pleasing everyone. Courage to hear the zombies scratching and walk out anyway.
You cannot take it all with you.
If you are someone interested in stepping out beyond your perimeter of fear; if you wanna move in bigger, bolder ways, then you have to be ready to let go of some pretty big things you are currently clinging to. There is just no other way.
And I know it’s scary but, so what. The truth is, you are not happy here. There is more you want to do. You just cannot let yourself continue to stay here.
You’ve come too far to turn back now.
There are a LOT of hairballs we worship. You probably already know what some of them are. They’re placeholders for the things you really want to make your life about. These hairballs are tiny gods you worship. They’re not worthy of such love and loyalty. Will you let go? Will you release them?
This really is about you receiving the life you say you want
This is about you declaring bankruptcy on the hairballs and allowing in the kind of abundance you are truly deserving. And when I say abundance, what I really mean is love.
Will you receive the love that is trying to get in? Will you receive the vision of yourself as healed and whole? I want to know what you’re ready to release and what you’re ready to receive. Will you share?
If I stepped out to face the zombies alone, I probably would be clobbered but I have a posse
And you need a posse where you’re headed too. You need people who speak your language and love you and will hold your hand as you cross your own threshold of fear. We’ll talk about that more next week. But for now let me say, you being here is no accident. This is your Posse. You belong here.
My love to you,