Healthy Boundaries and How to Set Them Even When It’s Scary And Nobody Understands Why You’re Upset // Tea with Robin Podcast Episode 34

If you ask me, we spend way too much time worrying about things that other people might do or say in response to us being who we are.

We worry about the perfect way to be in order to avoid upsetting anyone else and because of that we end up doing things we don’t want to be doing.

We say yes when we mean no. We pretend to care when we don’t. We act interested when we aren’t.

And in those times when we speak up and do what we need to do, we can feel so tortured about it afterward. Sometimes for days!

Being a good kind loving person never means laying down and letting yourself be run over.

Listen here or wherever you enjoy podcasts 🙂

You’ll find episode highlights and helpful extras below.

Episode 34: Hamster Cage, Boundaries, #williteverend

In today’s episode:

Why do we give our time and affection to people who haven’t earned it? The ones who don’t return the favor but always ask for more. The people we don’t even like! Seriously, why are we doing that?!

I share my take on setting boundaries and why it’s so important for us to set them, even if it means upsetting people. Because we are not here to keep other people happy, we are here to live our lives in ways which feel good for us. 

Today’s inspiration comes from Abraham Hicks, the Focus Wheel. This is a creative, fun way to support you in choosing a new path of feeling good around the stuff you feel kind of stuck and hopeless about changing. 

I read a letter from a friend who hates her job and wonders if things are ever going to get better. I share an interesting twist on an old familiar problem. 

Each of us has stuff where we have to stand up for ourselves and face the energy that’s coming at us.

I differ from a lot of others – not always about speaking up and telling people — because who really needs to get what’s going on and make changes? YOU.

Do you need to confront every single person? NO.

Honor yourself and love yourself and say, this person might piss me off, but I need to take an action anyway. I am not going to clean their hamster cage!

There’s only so much time in a day,

And only so much time for yourself

to do the things you wanna be doing.

When we’re annoyed and upset with someone else, it’s usually the sign that we need to speak up but we’re afraid about what’s gonna happen.

Just remember our code phrase: I am not supposed to clean their hamster cage! This is my signal to do the mambo 🙂

What we affirm when we pretend on the outside that we’re good with what’s happening is exactly that. We’re good with what’s happening! People will take us at our word! 

What matters the most is you getting free. And affirming the things you truly care about.

It’s about knowing what works for you, it’s about you honoring your truth and that sets the boundary.

If people behave badly and it bothers you, then stop going to dinner. Just say no.

If you let the thing build up, you become resentful and pissy. And that’s because we haven’t made the move and now the thing is moving in with us.

Instead of just getting mad at the other person for doing the thing they always do, because they’re always like that, ask yourself what you’re really mad about. They’re consistently authentic in who they are… so why are you expecting different results? 

Why do you continue to get into this situation? Are you willing to look at this?

Lies we tell ourselves on the spiritual path: I have to be nice and I have to say yes and give everybody everything you want. No. you’re not here to take a hit in the gut and keep smiling. It is not healthy or helpful to you or to the other person to keep doing the thing.  

Your energy goes where your attention flows. If your story is I need to tolerate crappy situations where I feel bad about myself and I don’t feel seen and appreciated, I have to tolerate silly jokes being made about what I do, your energy is on that too.

If you think I don’t want that I don’t wanna go, or I don’t have a choice or they’re gonna be mad at me… guess what you’re creating? Consider the energy that gets put into place about that, it’s kinda like saying please give me crappy situations.

There’s always help! It’s never hopeless!

I shared a few A Course in Miracles references

A Course in Miracles Workbook Lessons:

Lesson 253 My Self is ruler of the universe.

It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept.

Lesson 77 I am entitled to Miracles.

Today we will claim the miracles which are your right, since they belong to you. You have been promised full release from the world you made. You have been assured that [Light, Joy, Peace] is within you, and can never be lost. We ask no more than what belongs to us in truth. Today, however, we will also make sure that we will not content ourselves with less.

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Related links for this episode:

Set a boundary, save a life: how to set boundaries and conserve your energy (with video and audio)

Release the Elephants

Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

Boundaries: How to rock them without becoming a sweaty hot mess.

You are not lost.

The Story of The Rainbow Sheep

Books mentioned in this episode:

A course in Miracles: Combined Volume

You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.

Thank you for listening, may it serve you!

Hugs and love,

The ego upset and its stinky voice may never go away but we don’t need to freak! Here’s how we deal and love ourselves through it. 

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Read my recent interview in Mystic Magazine here: