Tea with Robin

What Does Healthy Mirroring Look Like? Receiving Help for Yourself and Why That’s Okay // Tea with Robin Episode 107

What does healthy mirroring look like? On receiving help for yourself. And why that's okay.

It blows my mind sometimes how distorted our thinking is around receiving help. Many of us grew up blaming ourselves for the lack/failure/brokenness around us and carry shame to this day about admitting to our own needs.

In this episode, I share some love on what it’s like to receive from a clear or healthy mirror. I talk about my own journey being the client in the healing room and share some insider stories I’ve lived.

Plus, I share some beautiful books that have helped me on the journey and even have some from #1husband.

Our letter comes from a friend who wonders how to release the pattern of disappointment in the people who never seem to show up.

All this and more. Come grab a cuppa yum yum and meet me here.

Listen to this episode here or read the transcript (with timestamps) below.

🎧 Listen to Episode 107: Healthy Mirroring, Good Books, #breakingthetiesthatbind

Complete transcript with timestamps here

Click here to jump to the links mentioned in this episode.

This episode is also available wherever you enjoy podcasts or downloadable here:

https://robinhallett.libsyn.com/episode-107-healthy-mirroring-good-booksbreakingthetiesthatbind


If this episode has been helpful, I’d appreciate you sharing this with anyone it may help. Click the share buttons above or below, or always I appreciate a review on iTunes

What Does Healthy Mirroring Look Like? on Receiving Help for Yourself. and Why That's Okay.

If I can read your letter and shine a little light for you, or you have a follow-up topic for a future episode write to me here.

To support the podcast, consider making a donation here.


Tea with Robin Podcast Show References

⭐ Morning Magic with Robin: Come share some feel-good time with me and our Love Posse every morning at 10:00 AM EDT, Instagram live. @robinhallett

⭐A Course in Miracles Quotes:

A Course in Miracles emphasizes that it is but one version of the universal curriculum, of which there are “many thousands.”

from the teacher’s manual… This is a manual for a special curriculum, intended for teachers of a special form of the universal course. There are many thousands of other forms, all with the same outcome. They merely save time.

Chapter 2: The Separation and the Atonement … I am here only to be truly helpful.

You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.

⭐Related links for this episode:

Russel Brand Podcast / YouTube Channel Under the Skin

Robin’s blog: There Is No Shame in Needing Help

⭐Books mentioned in this episode:

Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency

A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume

Paul Selig and the Guides

Marshal Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

David Richo, How to Be an Adult in Relationships

Books from #1husband on the Stoics:

The Practicing Stoic: A Philosophical User’s Manual by Ward Farnsworth

Meditations (Penguin Classics) by Marcus Aurelius

Discourses and Selected Writings (Penguin Classics) by Epictetus

Letters from a Stoic (Penguin Classics) by Seneca

Every Book I have recommended on the podcast here

You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.

⭐Movies mentioned in this episode:

Thank you for listening, may it serve you!

Hugs and love,

What Does Healthy Mirroring Look Like? on Receiving Help for Yourself. and Why That's Okay.

To support the podcast, consider making a donation here.

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Help out the show: Leave a review on iTunes

Send a letter to Robin for the show


Tea with Robin Episode Unedited Transcript

0:00
Hello Beloved. It’s me Robin, Robin Hallett intuitive healer and Light Sparkler. At Robin Hallett calm. And this is Tea with Robin, on today’s episode, healthy mirroring on why it’s important to allow ourselves to be seen to receive support. And you know, it’s not easy to see yourself clearly, if you’re not allowing anyone to see you, clearly. Plus, I’m sharing some beautiful books that have really helped me on the path. And we will have a beautiful letter from hashtag breaking the ties that bind all this and more. come grab a cup of yum yum. And meet me here. Hello, hello. Hello, Robin, welcome back to the broadcast here with Robin. This is Episode 171. For The Win, hi, hi, friend. If it’s your first time here, Hi, it’s me, Robin. Welcome. Hope this is a place that you will return and and you will return and again. And you know, I do really hope that this is a place you find lots of support and encouragement for yourself and most of all, that you find out. You are absolutely perfect. Exactly as you are. Friends, How is the weather in your heart today? Are you being kind and gentle with yourself? Are you practicing self care? are you allowing yourself to slide a little bit? Huh? I hope you are. Because there’s so many things going on. It’s hard to believe that all of us don’t need a little more self care and rest right now. I’m definitely feeling that way myself. Over here. It’s a beautiful day. I’m recording this on a Saturday afternoon. I’m doing wonderfully well. It’s been a beautiful week to a lot of amazing Healing Sessions. And if I saw you this week, hello, and you’re listening in real time. Hi. Hi, it’s me. So it was so good to be with you. And to you morning magicians on morning magic. Hey, hey, hey, we’ve had a big week. I feel like this has been a transformative week. And I don’t know a lot about astrology. But I know we’ve had some planets moving themselves around. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that. You know, so much is shifting. So I’m excited to talk with you today. So one before I get get on a tangent about everything. Let’s have a cup of Yum, yum. I have some Earl Grey, some stevia and some sea salt. And I’m going to raise a cup of yum yum to you. Beautiful Saul, you are perfect. Exactly as you are. Cheers. Oh, so good. So um, oh, before I wait, I don’t know, I’m laughing because I want to say something serious.

3:42
You know, I’m so happy the other day, a few friends of mine wrote that it was raining in Oregon. And a few of you are able to open your shops. Again, I’m so happy about that. I’m glad to know that the fires are continuing to maybe we’re getting a little more caught up. And the highest set like work, we’re starting to get ahead of the thing now. And even though the skies are still it’s going to take some time, but I am so happy to hear that things are starting to come a little bit and that you’re hanging in there. And I want you to know, I continue to pray for you every day as to so many of us because remember, we are in the world and we are amazing. We are adding our light and our hearts to this day with you and for you and you are not forgotten. So please know that. Also, you know, so many things happening but yes, it’s kind of a biggie that are amazing Ruth Bader Ginsburg made her transition. She is now rolling with the angels on the other side. And, you know, God bless her. God bless her, I just wanted to, you know, take a moment to say thank you, for your, your beautiful light. And, you know, we really need to trust in the energy of this is really a time where we have to stay in alignment with what we know to be true. And then as we are evolving, more and more and more every day, people are, that depends on right. I mean, everyday people I mean, every day, there are more people awakening to this journey of community, and connectivity and connection, and, you know, awakening, and we need to trust and hold a vision. You know, it’s best to avoid disaster thinking. And when we slip into that, we have to remember a Who are you, you are a sparkler for God, you are, that’s who you are. And who am I? Same, same same, my friend, we are here, adding our consciousness into the mix. And things continue to get better. You have to hold that alignment. You do. I mean, I can’t tell you what to do, I guess, can I but please trust that things are continuing to get better. Because this world is like I keep saying it. And I’m gonna say it till I don’t want to say it anymore. This world is full of people like you and me. We are here. And have you seen us? Do you know our hearts? Yes, we’ve got this, we’ve got this. So you know, I think it’s important to be mindful of who you allow into your mind, in your heart in your psyche, who you learn from, who you learn with, who you read, who you follow, it’s important now. And you know, also that every day we’re sharing some light ourselves. That’s my Anyway, my mission is serving and shining and loving. And, yeah, thank you for being somebody who’s here receiving. So, friends today, I thought I would just riff with you a bit, not just I thought I would riff with you a little bit about what I’ve been seeing in the healing room. And what I’ve been seeing in our conversations and morning magic. And I hope that I don’t sound redundant, you know, but things are changing. Things are always changing, and you are evolving to you are evolving. I would be deeply concerned if there was no change in you whatsoever. You know, you know what I’m saying? So, how have you been finding the emotional journey this week? How have you been finding your own inner process? Are you noticing places where the work is happening for you on a deeper level?

8:30
And what do I mean by that? issues that maybe you’ve had all this time, are starting to feel like, you can’t, you can’t deny it anymore. You can’t pretend anymore, stuffs coming to a head that didn’t used to be a problem. You’re seeing it in a new way. I’m hearing so many relationship stuff happening. codependent issues where the person who has been so afraid and locked into the dance is finally realizing I don’t got to do this anymore. No more don’t got to do it. So we’re making moves. So give yourself a moment and see how have you been doing? What are the repetitive things? Who are the players in your life? Where these issues are coming up? Yeah, I’m finding that for me, you know, I am working right now with my wizard. That’s my healer. I call her the wizard. I’m working with her every week right now. And I know a lot of you are in therapy, etc, etc, etc. It’s important.

9:45
We need

9:47
to give ourselves the space to explore for us what’s going on for us and do have somebody help in helping us unpack Hold space for us, it’s not really easy to hold the mirror. It’s not really easy to see yourself. Clearly, if you’re not allowing anybody to see you. Clearly, you don’t I mean, a mirror is an important thing. So hopefully you have a friend or a mentor or somebody that you let in occasionally, even a journal can be an amazing source for that. If you’re somebody who feels deeply thinks deeply, enter energies deeply. We need a healthy mirror, we need mirroring. And I’m not here making any case for anybody seeking healing, who isn’t, I can already feel the the some of you will be alone and on your own. And you know what, that is the right thing for you. And this is where we have to know what’s right for us. I so support and celebrate your way. So I just want to make sure I have that. I say that a few times. Because I’m not saying everybody has to do it. I’m saying those of us who feel like we are in areas of familiar things, challenges familiar. You know, I talked a lot about Aunt Bertha around here these days, you got that one family member who kind of makes you a cuckoo bird. And you don’t know what to do. And you keep throwing yourself under the bus and given all your time and your energy or allowing things to continue even though you know, you don’t want to you know, it’s not good for you. And you know, you don’t want to do it. That’s the perfect example. Where we want a little help, healthy help, supportive help, loving help, and it can definitely be a trusted friend, or your own journal. Okay. So, just wanted to say that. One of the things that regularly blows my mind when I’m talking to friends, or on morning magic, which, hey, that’s a free thing I do every day. 30 minutes to an hour every day, and you are welcome to join us. Instagram Live 9am Chicago time, there’s the deeps and the Replace go to YouTube, where becoming a family. They’re a family, a community of supportive friends, walking together like hearted friends, and you are welcome. It blows my mind the way our distorted thinking because we grew up in a way. Well, from lack. I know it’s gonna sound like a sweeping generalization. But I believe a lot of us grew up blaming ourselves for failures, and the brokenness of our parents or whoever raised us or the situations we were in. If things were going down, if there was trauma for us, we blamed ourselves. We blame ourselves. And so that urge to get out that urge to talk to people. It’s often cloaked in a sense of shame as well, because it’s just like, somehow this thing all rolls together. Yeah, so I was saying it blows my mind how hard it is for people to believe me when they tell me. I know, I shouldn’t say this. And then they tell me the most beautiful truth, the healthiest truth about how things are supposed to be how things should work. Like, for example, that other people don’t have the right to butt in on how you’re living your life, or how you’re raising your family or how you’ve decided to take care of yourself or handle your COVID boundaries. If you’ve got somebody in your life who’s difficult, I find that we tend to feel bad when we want to say this person is difficult. They’re difficult to be around. They are a challenge for me. The strongest people will crumble while they’re trying to tell me that stuff. They’ll add in these little fillers like God help me or I know I shouldn’t say this, but

14:49
hey, you can say it, you get to say it. It has to come out. It has to come out. You can say it. You may You are at the center of your own heart, you matter. There are so many things that friends will say to me that I’m like you don’t feel guilty for that. Don’t apologize for that. That is actually the right thing. You’re healthy, the inner knowing is speaking to hear. But I might as well they might as well be thinking I’m saying the exact opposite thing. So one of the practices we often do is trust how you feel. Pay attention to the way you’re feeling in your body. Learn to look for the familiar sensations. You can study yourself, you can study your reactions, you can study the way you feel, you can learn to place your hands on your chest, and breathe slowly, exhale slowly and study what’s happening for you. I talked about the sports announcer sometimes the inner sports announcer, you can, you can mentally announce to yourself, okay, so and so said this to me, I’m having this experience, you know, and then sent in your body. So that you start to learn before you allow just your mind to run away with the whole thing. And usually, that’s really just your intellect and, or the ego mind. I really don’t want to take my information from those places only about things like this, where I’m trying to wake myself up. I’m trying to learn how to guilt. I used to have a teacher who would say to me, Robin, guilt is a sign that you’re on the right track, I still want to throw my shoe at his head, honestly, because what the hell does that even? Oops, what does that even mean? guilt is a sign that you’re on the right track. But over the years, I can say yeah, as I’m learning to unwind from my own wackadoodle upbringing. If I feel the feelings of guilt today, because I’m setting a boundary, or I’m saying, I’m acknowledging my needs first. I’m taking steps that are supporting my journey, and those old feelings are going to come up like guilt, to try and corral me back into place the way I used to roll. No, does that make sense? So if this is resonating for you, let’s try a powerful truth. like nobody has the right to tell me how I should be living my life. Nobody has the right. I mean, if you’re an adult, you know, I’m not talking to five year old. The truth will resonate in your body, sometimes it will blow you away, it’ll be such a strong thing where you claim your your claim your permission to speak, how it really, really is for you, for the first time, it will over take your body in such a powerful way. Those of us who have the right hat are reclaiming our selves and our power and our

18:36
you know, I’m not going to go around apologizing for who I am, this is me, this is me, this is me. You will feel something powerful in your body. You’ll also feel a sense of resentment when somebody is trying to run you over for the 811 df time. That one person in your life who continues to not see you continues to not respect you continues to devalue who you are.

19:09
You know those conversations that fall into politics and it’s just all there’s no respect for your where you’re at what you know. So, I’ve been really working in my sessions with in my own personal sessions with going a little bit deeper, and letting my wizard in it is not easy. Just like it’s not those of you who work with me, it’s not always easy to let me in a little bit more to share honestly about your experience. And here’s what I gotta say. When we trust that we are being held in love. Amazing things happen. I mean that’s My experience. So some of the things that I’ve been working on and I noticing this too in the sessions I offer is my inner child trauma, my inner child stuff, I think the inner child work gets a really crummy rap. And I’ve been watching some different people on YouTube who have been poking fun at inner child stuff. And so just because I want to, I don’t know, I had this thing where I want to expand my vocabulary this week, because a few people gave me a hard time about the way I speak, and the words I use, that this woowoo language I sometimes use is not, you know, like, I don’t know, it doesn’t seem to have any weight to it. Well, so I started listening to a few other people, not because I really think I have to change, but I want to hear how other people talk. And believe me, I’m not really struggling with self confidence around this, it does get under my skin sometimes. And I think that’s just, you know, I’ll be really honest, for a moment here. Like usual, but sometimes, think about this. You spend your life building yourself up with earthly credentials. And you have a powerful position, or powerful job, you’re really identified with all of these smarts, so to speak, you are some you feel like I am somebody. Sometimes I find that people like that, who have been very successful in business or very successful in the world, you know, they, that’s part of their identity. And those are usually the friends who will give me this advice, like, you know, you got to tone down your Woo, or you got to if you want to, you know, speak to plain. Or it’s too vague, you know, or whatever. So, it’s interesting, I don’t really take it personally, I think it’s more of a thing. Like, I want to help myself See, what really is my way of explaining things. And I want to learn, how do other people explain things? So part of that is let’s do some research and see what these other people who, you know, they don’t talk about, woo the way I do what, how do they talk about stuff then, and so? Well, I’m going to stick with me, that’s what I have to tell you about that. I will just continue to be me. And those other peeps are free to be them. Um, that’s it, that’s all there is to it. except to say, okay, cuz, you know, I have more to say about this. You know, we do some of us do carry this thing about, I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not erudite. My language isn’t, whatever. Listen. It’s so important for us to show up as ourselves. We have to represent our sliver of the universe, we’re here to shine as us, we’re here to help free our friends who are still hostage to their own wounded selves, you know, we’re here to keep showing up. So even if you have some friction, and even when I get some of that feedback from, you know, it’s, I really do feel it’s well meaning advice. It’s well meant, but no, you stay yourself. Stay, you stay who you are, stay yourself. It’s important, people are counting on you, to be you. And also the Course of Miracles right in the preface, it talks about how

24:10
there are thousands of ways, thousands of teachings and paths to take to come to your own clarity, to wake up to come to that place. And so each of us represents an aspect of one of those many multitudes you know, don’t change, don’t change. Especially don’t change for somebody who’s criticizing you. Please don’t do that. You know. So yeah, you know, in my little recon, which I don’t really do a lot of recon, but I do think it’s interesting I do want to hear and I love listening to Russell brands, under the skin podcast, I don’t subscribe to luminary I watch on on YouTube. I love him. How he discusses in the repower tape, you know, between his guests in himself. And, you know, it’s so fascinating, but also don’t change. You are you and that is on purpose. So when people make fun of things, like affirmations or inner child stuff, you know, that’s their way. And the people who don’t want to practice that, for whatever reason are comfortable with that. They’re following that way. But you got to go, you know, your own way. Am I making sense? I hope so. But I did notice a lot of jokes about the inner child work. Here’s the thing I want to say is, I don’t know anybody who got out of child hood feeling completely intact. Do you? Really there’s tons of people who had it easier, better whatever, than you and tons of people who probably had a much more difficult experience. You know, maybe your experience wasn’t as intense as other people’s, it doesn’t really matter. We really shouldn’t compare like that. You, are you, whatever is happening for you is happening for you. And honestly, I hear the comparison thing a lot. And the most, the significant thing I want to share with you today about that? Is that when we’re interested in comparing, when we’re comparing, when we’re saying, Well, it wasn’t as bad for me. Or we’re saying my experience was worse than theirs. Or we’re saying I don’t have a right. You know, what do I have to cry about? It wasn’t that bad? You know what I’m getting that there’s resistance here. That means we need to look, we need to look because we’re doing something other than sitting with the inner child who needs to be sat with right now. Does that make sense? I’ve been in so many circles, where people are like, Oh, you know, I remember somebody years ago, who was like, you know, we all went around the circle and shared about the stuff. And all I could think of is, nobody here has it as bad as I did have it as bad as I did. Nobody here experienced the type of loss I experienced. And I said, you know, that might be true for you. That is certainly not true for anybody else sitting in their center experiencing their experience. Right? And why are you choosing to do that instead of allowing yourself to be out? Also, interesting question. And these are the kinds of things you don’t find out if you’re not with somebody or a friend or journaling or, you know, holding this willingness to get underneath what’s going on, you know, you just continuing on in your own stuff on your own and alone and upholding the story. Like you can’t, you shouldn’t don’t want to go there. You shouldn’t talk about it. It’s not good to get help all of that. You might not see as clearly as quickly, what you’re awake, being asked to awaken to the stuff we deal with. Now, the stuff we wobble with now will always have some roots back.

29:08
One way or another, to the inner kiddo to your to your childhood to times when you were alone. times where you felt like you were alone times where you felt like you got in trouble and you didn’t know why. You know, you didn’t understand times where you felt like nobody got you nobody had your back. You know, I’m not trying to talk anybody ever into feeling sad or upset. But what I notice is that a lot of us the strong ones, that’s us the strong ones. The sparklers the helpers, are also the strong ones, meaning we shoulder a lot on our own. We take care of a lot for ourselves on our own. We read books and study that way on our own and It’s harder to let people in, it’s harder to let people see us to let people support us and love us and trust that we are going to be held and supported. And it does take time to find people who really get you and you have to change. Sometimes you have to change people, don’t you. So, you know, that happens in my healing practice, too, that I, with some people, we get to the end of, you know, we work together for six months, or 10 months. And sometimes we work together for a year, and then we’re done. And we make a change. So I changed healers, I had one that I worked with and adored, and just really felt so met and seen, and for about eight years, and then all of a sudden, it was like I was done. And I couldn’t go any further, it really felt that way. And, you know, she pushed me out of the nest, I gotta tell you, which I kind of still really say thank you to her for that, even though it was painful. We’ve gone as far as we can go together. And I you know, we just started repeating things which didn’t feel helpful. So what I’m working on right now in my Healing Sessions, with my wizard, and this goes out to you, my strong friends, come along with me, you know, listen to this, listen to what I’m saying today. And where does this apply to you? Number one, number two, what is your story about you’re making space for your feelings? What is your story about receiving help? How do you allow yourself to be helped? Do you allow yourself to be helped? Do you feel embarrassed or ashamed? If you need help, you know, there are still you can be you in your life, they’re doing your things, and maybe you get help, but there are still so many of us who feel deeply ashamed about receiving help. And if that’s true, please know, we need to work on it. Because you matter. And how is necessary. very necessary, very, very, very necessary. So what I’m working on now, my wizard is getting that felt sense in my body. Feeling the sensations in my body, about what’s going on. Now, getting that felt sense in the body, for thing for things. Instead of it’s asking just that of asking my intellect just my int, for intellect, its memory for its memories, we have things and why does that and why data does that matter? Why would we want to feel into the body and not just think about everything because a Like I said before, you did not get out of your childhood, completely intact. Stuff lingers. We will always be walking this path we will be always learning and teaching helping others. So this is a skill we can acquire. And you know, I I do feel I’m amazing. I’m and dedicated to my journey. I’m really proud of the work. I have done personally my growth. This is a new place where

34:03
I am learning how to discover, oh, this is what anxiety feels like in this body. Where else did I carry this anxiety? How did I learn to adapt this way as a small kid, and stories are coming that I haven’t remembered in this way, you know, so things come forward to be addressed and held from before and I see how they do impede the flow today. So today, you know if that person is critiquing me about my language or the way I talk, you know I can stay in the place of curiosity and wonder about the feelings in my body that are coming up and I can stay present with myself. no, you know, there was a time where if I didn’t do what somebody else told me to do, you know, I would be a bad girl, you know, this feeling of I would be in trouble, I wouldn’t be, I was afraid I wouldn’t be loved. And so today, if that feeling arises, I can hold myself, I can breathe with me, instead of feeling like oh, I, in order to be loved, I need to change my language. So these two people who are giving me this feedback, will still love me. You know? Does that make sense? No, we don’t have to do that. We don’t have to do that. But there is a little kiddo who wants to be separate? Who did have to change? Who had to keep morphing, you know, who had to do the right things, or there would be trouble? Trouble, I say trouble. There will be trouble. So let me keep conforming or I will be cast out. So these feelings. What does it feel like? What happens in the body when this comes?

36:17
It’s so very important.

36:20
And this is just this little move. receiving your own feelings is huge. A lot of us are only from the neck up. We’re alive from the neck up. We’re thinking. We’re planning we’re processing we’re considering. But there’s a whole other thing going on below the neck called the body, the nervous system, and we deserve spacious presence, we deserve that. Curious wonder, you know, we deserve this time to sit with the feelings. And instead of asking the mind, why am I like this? Why can’t I feel anything? Why? Spend some time, place a hand on the heart and breathe? and explore? Really? What does it feel like to be you in this situation? And where have you felt this way before? The mind can do it stance the mind can say all you baby, my mom used to call me a baby. I’ll come on you baby. Don’t be a baby. Don’t be a sissy. You know this and that. So my mind will still say it. You know, even now a little bit I can hear this voice saying this is a dumb episode because I’m talking about sissy things. It’s wild. Did you know not everything your mind thinks is true. It’s wild. Did you know that thoughts occurring in your mind are not? You? It’s just a question. This is why I have to practice this is why I need my wizard because I tell you what, I go through stuff. And I can go to cuckoo town if I’m not careful. You know, when specially when I get that feedback. That sounds like Robin is a bad girl. As I’m going through challenges that I don’t particularly enjoy, particularly enjoy this week, I had you know things I talked about this last week too. I said, you know, when people get mad at me, and or, you know, push back against me and several, several people thought I was talking about them. So I had a bunch of emails on two conversations to have. And I realized like, you know, this is so good because I have to deal with some conflict stuff and stay present in my own heart and know my goodness, and not be afraid, you know, and I can say for sure and thank you. Hi. You’re probably listening. Thank you so much for your courage and bravery to send me emails and say, Robin, are you talking about me on episode 106? I’m worried you were. I admire that so much. I really do. Here’s an insider thing about me and Jeff. That’s number one. He’s like, you know, I know you always say you respect the truth. Even if it’s difficult. You would rather hear the truth but it is something That is so hard to trust. And I’m like, Yeah, but I do respect when people tell you their truth. Even if it’s, you know, like this where it’s, it feels conflictual, you feel scared, you know, it feels like, oh, are we in in a problem here? Are we having a conflict? Are you mad at me? I love that. Those of you who wrote felt comfortable and safe asking checking it out with me. And one of the friends I had this conversation with, you know, she said, I get a little paranoid that you’re talking about me. And then I realize, even if you are talking about me, this is still good. Good is coming out of this. We’re growing and changing and you don’t change without friction. You know, you don’t have any impetus to seek help or seek, you know, what I’m saying, if there isn’t a reason, so I can say is thank you and bless you. And I’m so glad it’s us now. And even when I get criticized about me, the way I talk, you know, my words amazeballs

41:12
amazeballs, I love it. But I do sometimes get it. And like the person who this week, kind of criticize my language and the way I talk and, you know, I just have to keep practicing knowing who I am coming back into my center and knowing who I am. And, you know, I, I grew up being teased, I grew up being criticized, I grew up with those experiences where you get invited to the party, and then you find out later, they just invited you so they could have somebody to pick on all night, you know, to make fun of. So I would say I’ve spent a lot of time expecting to be treated like that, as an adult. I mean, it’s only natural, you know, if you don’t heal it if, if you’re too embarrassed to talk about some of this stuff, which I was, a lot of times, I was too embarrassed to talk about these things about myself in therapy or healing. I didn’t want to address it. So if you’re too embarrassed to address it, you really don’t allow yourself to be seen. And so you don’t have a mirror for yourself. That is reflecting the light of God back to you is what I’m trying to say the truth of who you are back to you and helping you understand who you truly are. It’s difficult then. So you know, just for today, your practical tips. Number one husband sometimes encourages me to offer some practical tips. Here’s my practical tip for you love. Keep placing a hand on your body, keep breathing. When you feel stressed, when you feel pressed, when you feel struggling. Give your body even your nervous system some time to speak to you. And then let yourself go ahead and look back. Wonder When else I have felt this way, I have helped so many friends. When I can say let’s really tune in to how you’re feeling now. And then let me know. Can you find another time in your life where you felt this way? Everybody nods. Yes. Everybody finds another time. And that is like we’ve just entered the Stargate. We have just stepped through the portal. And now we can go anywhere. Everything is opening for us. So start there. That’s the practical tip start there, you know, and this is you receiving help this is you doing something other than thinking about it in a closed loop that has no oxygen, you know, I’m saying like, Yeah, okay. So may that serve you today? I hope it does. And I’m always here to hold your hand if you’d like to try some of this or come to morning magic and see what it’s like to allow yourself to be held and loved. You know, it matters. And so happy to see the world today it more and more people know it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to receive help. Especially since COVID and blacklivesmatter and all the tumbled you know all this stuff. Wait, it is getting more into the psyche. It’s okay to be helped.

44:55
Cheers.

45:04
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. So every now and then you like to hear some book recommendations that I have. One that comes back to me I thought was a very powerful read is the gifts of imperfection by Bernie Brown. Super, super helpful. It’s a very fast read. In fact, I waited in line down at Loyola waiting to get in to the building to see the Dalai Lama speak. Long, long line, I read the whole book standing in line. It’s a fast read. And you may even be able to just listen to it through the library app or hoopla or Lucy, what’s that other one cup? So that’s one and the other one I really love is called Beyond codependency. And you might not think you by melody Beatty, I’m pretty sure or pmld. Anyway, beyond codependency, I’ll put it in the show notes. And in the show notes, I have a people sometimes email me and say, Can you recommend a book, I have an entire list every book I ever recommend here on the show is in the show notes every single week, the link to the database of stuff I’ve recommended over the years. So Robin Hallett comm slash 107 beyond codependency is such an amazing book, because it’s already assuming you know, the basics. And it’s not talking to about things you’ve probably done 100 and 80 million times already and healed and you’re in a new place. And you just need to know how do I function today? knowing what I know, how do I keep moving forward through the portal, you know, living my life fully out? You know? I don’t need the old all the other early lingo I’ve done that part, I need to know how to cope. Am I normal? You know, so and so, said this to me, and this is I felt like a wild animal for 10 hours. Is this normal? What do I do with this? I love that book for that. So those are two and her original book codependent no more if you’re like, Oh, I don’t know the ins and outs of codependency codependent no more is where it’s at. So, so helpful. And, you know, just again, it’s good to help yourself. Number one husband really loves the the wisdom of the stoics. So he reads Marcus Aurelius. He reads, Epictetus, and it’s powerful there. So you may I’ll put some of the books he loves there, too. It’s just, you know, let yourself be helped. Thank you. Thank you. So that’s the inspiration today. And yeah. So friends, here comes the part where I love to ask you to support the podcast, there’s a number of ways. One is to leave a review. And I love reading your review. Thank you so much. leave a review on the podcast platform you listen to, to would be to share this episode if you like it that is shared on share it on Facebook, share it on Instagram, sharing your stories, email it to a friend. And three would be to make a donation, support the work, buy me a cup of coffee, I always love that. I appreciate that. And also, support supporting the work means doing the work, right? Doing taking what you’re listening to today and actually applying it in your life, what resonated for you and helping other people that it would be resonant for two Have you thought of somebody share some of these nuggets you take away that feel true for you share them on with your friends. You know, I know I said it before, but it’s like this is why we don’t have to be afraid that the world is going off the rails. You know, we’re here. We’re amazing. We’re dedicated. So let’s keep that light burning in our hearts. Yeah. means we embed summer camps on sleepaway Christian summer camp, so but give me The oil in my lamp keep it burning, burning burning.

50:03
Give me Was it give me oil in my lamp. I pray hallelujah. I always like that part. Yeah and and that reminds me I’m a little remiss in wishing you a beautiful Rosh Hashanah. Happy New Year, Shana Tova and the beginning as we’re making our way into the 10 days of all leading up to Yom Kippur War. So beautiful. So thinking of you, celebrating you, and Happy New Year. Yeah. Beautiful.

50:51
So this week’s letter, before I read it, I wanted to thank you. I wanted to say thank you. I love that. It seems like lately, you have been reaching out in all the ways you can to let me know that these episodes, especially the last three or four have really been resonating for you. It feels like there’s this community spirit we’re building and answering the question of how can we be connected? How can we stay connected in these times, and it really feels like as I’ve been sharing my own stuff going on more. You’ve been coming closer to let me know that it matters to you. That what I do matters to you. Some of you leave me voicemails on Instagram just telling me how much my work has helped you. Some of you write funny little messages saying how how many kooky coincidences there are and the things I’ll share. And it all means so much to me. Thank you. Weirdly, I’m a little shy about reading. You know, those flowy lovey letters here. It’s not weird. It’s just you know, those are for me, and I want you to know, I keep them in a special folder on my phone. Sometimes I screenshot comments you leave, I keep them on my phone. And I revisit when needed. Because I know like I was saying before my own mind is not always the best view on reality. It’s true. So we’re always doing this work. We’re always waking up. And I just wanted to tell you, you matter to me, and I appreciate your support. Your kindness, we are changing, we are growing. And part of that is just you stepping in with me staying with me. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And this week’s letter comes from a friend in our love policy. Another. I said this last week, another one of those. Sometimes I write a newsletter every Wednesday, you can subscribe The link will be in Episode 107. If you go to revenue, comm slash 107 you can subscribe and I’ll send you this happy mail on Wednesday mornings, too. But a lot of these letters start out as a response to the letter I sent out. So this is another one I mentioned this last week. From the letter I wrote called True Blue to you on August 12. I don’t know if you save them. I’m not saying you have to save my letters. I didn’t say it. Some people do. That’s what I hear. I save my letters. That’s so funny. I do save my letters. I like to reread sometimes. So this comes from Jane. And thank you Jane. Cuz you know, I wrote your back and say hi, can I read this on the broadcast? And you’re like, yeah, so I appreciate it so much. Morning, Robin, thank you for your email. Yes, lately. I have been saying no, no. I am tired of being called only when someone needs something. It upsets me a lot of late. They don’t call and ask how I am or do I need any help with anything? And this makes me feel sad and hurt. I asked for very little but it is seemingly very difficult. To have the help when I could use it. So, at the moment, I’m going through my mind and heart sorting and sifting through the debris. So hopefully I will feel better when the job is completed. Some lessons sure do take a long time to learn, don’t they? best wishes to you, Robin? Jane. You know, and in the letter, one of the things that I I said,

55:35
I hear a lot of stories about guilt trips. And other kinds of bad juju that come from are trying to be the good and loyal friend or the good and loyal child to a parent, or you know what I’m saying like the good and loyal one. Just trying to do the right thing, or the easier thing or the nicer thing and, you know, you end up feeling like you’re being crapped on and it can make you feel better. It can make you feel upset, and I know, loads of people who I could almost write the script of what they’re going to say to me when these buttons get pushed. And, you know, that’s not a compliment, really, it’s saying we all have places where we get stuck. And then we go into those jaded statements like the world you know, like I said, last week, the world shame on America, shame on the world, shame on us. No, let’s not do that. Let’s not say, you know, let’s not keep making those statements that are affirming that we’re being cramped on. Because guess what, guess what we’re saying? Please crap on me. I’m sorry. But please do it. Please take me for granted. Please use me up, please. You know, and I love us. I care too much to even be afraid that somebody is going to get mad at me for saying this, even though I feel afraid. We bring it on ourselves. We teach people how to treat us. I have taught people how to treat me and you know, this is for Jane. This is for you, Jane, but also for all of us. Because I know a bajillion of us right now we’re nodding our heads, aren’t we? We know that friend who treats us like that. We know that one who uses a solid up and comes back for seconds and thirds and fourths and has no problem.

57:39
asking for more.

57:43
And then not showing up? I mean, you know I have I have a friend who is terrible about responding, even though she’s the one that initiates the reach out. She reaches out to me. How are you? Let me know how you’re doing. I share something and then the response that comes back is not a response. It’s like, Oh, dang it. Here it is. This is just like how you get in the door and then you ask for what you need. This person asked for what they want. Now. We have to learn we have to keep learning we have to keep staying alert. And part of that is in our own bodies. How does it feel in your body? I still to this day can recall the feeling of resentment, learning that resentment lives in my body. It lives in my belly to be specific. It lives in my belly and I I just because I’m talking about it, I’m tuning to it, I feel it in my heart as well. So this like breast plate, I don’t know what it’s called. Above here. Stop. Don’t say it. You know what I’m saying above. Above the girls. Let’s just say it that way. The bone there.

59:06
Yeah. Oh man

59:11
anywho I feel that there and resentment is the energy of resentment. I used to feel it and be so upset and then I would give the person what they want. Anyway, so it had become my training, to feel the feeling and then run myself over. Take advantage of myself. But I would say other people were taking advantage of me. But it’s really I didn’t know how to do it. I didn’t know how to set a boundary. I didn’t know I mattered. I didn’t know I was worthy of a life. That didn’t involve being resentful and doing things begrudgingly and counting up the number of people who let me down. I didn’t realize that was creating the exact stuff I didn’t want by focusing on it. And this is why I feel Sometimes the courage to keep going Even though I have long as a healer Again more insider tips here. As a healer I have long known that it is scary for me to help to challenge people’s victim many tality To say no This is not right. You cannot Keep saying this, you know, I’m encouraged. urging you to not keep saying this This is why I’m over. those fears because we can’t keep doing this to ourselves because people will take us for granted. They will take advantage of us. If I could tell you how many letters I get, I got two new letters this week about loaning money to people. Now in COVID, who don’t pay it back, and it’s like, you know, but the people who don’t pay it back, that’s about them. But what’s your part in this? You know, what’s your part in this in allowing yourself to be taken for granted? Because that’s the only interesting part. That’s the only part that’s worth looking at. So it’s so good to notice I feel sad and hurt like Jane says, I feel sad and hurt. That is the best thing you could notice about the situation. Where does it live in your body? So for me that resentment belly and my high heart When else have I felt this way before? Who have I felt this way with? Where has this come up before? Maybe some regular players the cast of characters in your life will pop into your mind. Hmm. Is this really how I want it to be? You know, underneath there needs to be this undercurrent of willingness. There needs to be an undercurrent of willingness to to your journey, even though even if you want to fall face, first in the mud, just collapse and scream and cry, how it’s not fair how QRP people are how horrible people are, you know, you want to fall into that energy of feeling sorry for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that energy approaching. And even if you do a little bit of that, but don’t let go of the under laying, willingness to rise and do your work. Because we are fierce, we are strong, we’re fierce, we’re strong and we’re here to help each other and you know, honestly, you are here to show those very people. Something to be strong and hold the line. To set a boundary to speak your truth, you’re here to help. I am here to help. I am here to share the light of the one who sent me this is from the Course of Miracles of the Divine, the spark of the Divine. It’s not your job to lift the world, it’s not your job to heal the world. But you are on a path to do your work, to grow, to shine, to grow, to evolve, and to help awaken the world. So we either fall into you know, shame on America, that those people saying that kind of stuff and just like this is my license to give up. Or you have that energy of willingness. You want to help you want to make a difference. You want to help your kids you want to help your family you want to help your neighbor you know, so hopefully there is this underlying willingness to keep walking.

1:04:13
So the sad and her energy, even if you want to fall in the mud and scream I don’t know why the mud but yeah. If you want to lay down and scream don’t stop there. Wonder how this pattern got started? I wonder how I began Where do I see myself the first time offering kindness to others expecting it in return, expecting to be asked Just how I am or do I need any help or is there anything I can do for you and the hurt way? I feel when nothing comes. I’ve tried and tried and tried and nothing comes back and I feel sad and hurt. When was the first time what Do remember, it’s not pithy, little, you know stuff. This is big, big stuff because trauma and this could be strain trauma, you know, like just an ongoing situation in your life. Childhood that just never really changed because people are who they are. I mean Like my mom was a narcissist one dime the one And then she never was that again. It was like the whole upbringing the site that so strange drama and this is something that I learned about myself the sad and hurt feelings the resentful feelings came out of that place where I tried so hard to get my parents to be interested in me to love me to remember me to not leave me to not abandon me, you know long periods of time they would leave me alone overnight. Sometimes.

1:06:08
There are no amount of favors or kindnesses or money you can loan somebody today that will make that little child in you not be abandoned.

1:06:24
Well, do you get that there is no amount of friendship you can extend goodwill kindness that will fix the past. So we need to use these situations as shadow Angel start Angel set are coming these people are coming to help us he’ll help us do our work. What work do you need to do? This is for This is for Robin, this is for all of us listening. So what do we need to do? Because let’s not say this is just how it is some things will never change. Let’s not do that. And this piece I asked for very little, but it seemingly very difficult to have help when I could use it. You know, this is not okay. It’s not okay for you to allow yourself to live this way. And so you know, you matter too much. And so I would say to you right from that letter, I sent the loyalty we offer other people in that fearful, unhealed state where we run ourselves over where we give our money away, where we give our time away, where we give our attention away, where we respond to text messages, that is just it’s it’s over. Stop responding. It’s over. You know what I mean? That’s loyalty offered in an annealed state. it erodes our ability to receive our own heart knowing. You know, that’s why we don’t understand. We’re chasing somebody else’s approval. We’re chasing somebody else’s love. We’re chasing somebody else’s favor. And somebody else’s the pot being popular being at the cool kids table. And you know what, it won’t even work because the one who’s seeking that is really looking for you. Really looking for you. Not that other person. They’re just a representation of the work you need to do. No. I would love that we decide to have a policy to listen inwardly first. And ask for the truth of how we’re feeling. And like I say, a lot of times, all I feel is resentment and that now today, it can become your intuition. I feel resentment, I don’t necessarily need to go into my upset about it resentment now is my signal that the answer is no. And I don’t really even you know, spend a lot of time figuring out why I mean, I can tell it’s over the top. It’s too much. It’s inappropriate. It’s not right you know, whatever. So listen inwardly and Ask for the truth of how we’re feeling. And when we feel that time to give our loyalty from a fearful place

1:09:52
Stop and Ask what am I see? Here what am i Looking for from this person Am I Trade Am I try To avoid some kind of a blow up Am I Trying to belong you know, to fit in the cool kids table you know Ask you will always get Answer. I think, you know the thing is we have to stop Fighting it Miles are attached to telling the story again and again and again and complaining and complaining and complaining and just don’t be that one. Who does that. Because there’s a little kid in you who is waiting looking up, waiting for You to notice him or her, please pay attention to me. This is where the work begins. So no friends.

1:11:00
And the last allow me say one more thing before I wrap that up. The last thing is, you know, when you realize you do have to sift and sort through the debris, there are people you need to move out of your inner circle. They do not belong on the inner circle. And even if you’re your children, or your parents, sometimes this is the adjustment we need to make. It’s not an unkindness. This is sometimes the only way we will actually help anybody is by seeing it how it truly is. Paul saligan the guides they talk about this a lot in all of his books. Don’t lock people away in a dark cave in your own heart because they’re bad because they don’t do it the right way. And they’re selfish pigs. You know what we dam dams us back, we ended Attracting this energy again and again and again and again and we keep working this story. So let’s do the work. Lately I am really doing that I’m I’m asking people to show up for me and when they don’t, if they really really matter to me, I’m saying so I’m telling them I encourage you to do that. You know, and this is how I would say it. I want to be closer with you. I care about our relationship. And so I’m taking a risk. I’m letting you know how I feel and I’m open to hearing what you what’s going on for you. And then I would just lay it out, come from the eye. You know? Don’t be like you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you You try. I’m not always the best at this. Try not to say always Never I really love Marshall Rosenberg’s book on nonviolent communication, by the way, and also is it David Dinah? How to be an adult in relationships? Holy smokes friends. Again, all of these books, I will are in the database of books I recommend for the podcast, every show notes at the bottom has this link to it. You know, we have to help. The days are over where we can just expect things to change with doing nothing. That is wishful thinking, right? That those days are over. We have to help ourselves. So if people matter to you, if you care, you got to speak up. And also, some of us need to push people out. That’s just all there. Others do it. So you know, sometimes we learn the hard way. That’s all all it is. And we still have to learn that our investment, the love and the loyalty we’ve been investing in the wrong in the direction that hasn’t been serving us has Our greatest teacher. So if that resonates for you today, let’s offer a gentle hallelujah. And a thank you for this awareness. Let’s celebrate this as a win. If you’re connecting some dots, you know, and now we can make the choice to honor the light inside our own hearts and to love ourselves, and to honor ourselves and to, you know, let people be where they are. Sometimes the truth is, other people are just not that into us. And I don’t know why we love those dry wells so much. But you know, see it for what it is. There’s a one in you insisting this person be your friend, and they keep telling, you know, in their way, a certain kind of friend you want from them. They keep saying that I’m not that I can’t be this. I’m not that I’m not there yet, you know, so. Yeah. May we all get the message. And again, thank you to Jane. Thank you, Jane for saying yes to letting me read this year. And, of course, I always tell us all everything I’m saying is not just for one person. It’s for all of us to share. So thank you, and friends. I would be so honored to read a letter from you My email address is Hello at Robin hallett.com. Or you can hit reply to my emails or message me on Instagram. I always appreciate it. Thank you so much. Well, that wraps an amazing episode. I liked it so much. Let’s have a sip of tea. Cheers. Beautiful. It’s a gorgeous Sunny early afternoon, Sunday I’m gonna go find my gorgeous Sunny, beautiful husband

1:16:02
in It looks so warm and inviting outside. It’s been really cold like down to 43 at night, which is like yuck. Okay,

1:16:11
yucky,

1:16:14
I think is about 75 and sunny. So I’m going to drag some of those loungers we have, wherever they are out to the yard and take a bag of books. You ever do that you’re like so ambitious. Here’s a whole bag of books. I’m taking them outside. Make a tray of iced tea and go enjoy the day. celebrate my time. And I celebrate this time with you and thank you for your beauty and your light and for being here for doing this with me. Thank you my friend. All right, this has been me Robin. Super Amazing. awesome sauce. amazeballs halat. So much love to you. I’ll see you next week or in a few minutes. Same bat time, same bat channel. Bye bye

1:17:10
Life is very short. Let’s make the very most of you are a precious gem. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. We are here to shine on shine bright. You are a man

1:17:36
Life is precious and you are fine So, like, you know, rocket like you mean You really really name and name it and name it and name it

1:17:57
tells you that you are the star.

1:18:03
You are comes you are kunju. Thank you

1:18:26
Thanks

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 
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