There Is No Shame in Needing Help: How Letting Yourself Be Seen Will Truly Help You Shine

There is no shame in needing help

There are stories we carry around in our hearts about getting help, many of them warped by what happened before. Some of us are carrying these stories forward, expecting more of the same, and because of this we don’t easily allow ourselves to receive support.

But we might not realize that receiving help is directly related to how well we do in the world. Our healing is directly connected to our shining.

Our ability to receive is directly proportional to the power of our shine. If it’s difficult to receive, it’s difficult to shine and, I am pretty sure this is something we’d never ever intend for ourselves.

And that’s the dilemma for many of us who feel we are here to shine a light in the world. We like to shine and want to shine, but getting help isn’t always easy.

Waking up is what we’re here to do. None of us is exempt. All of us, at some point or another, need help in order to go where we say we want to go. Each and every one of us has obstacles to our own shining, there is no way around it. The personal stories and unhealed wounds need gentle tending in order for us to handle the brilliance wanting to flow through us. And not only that, there are gifts contained in the wounding you’ll never retrieve if you do not go there.

open your hands if you want to be held rumi

You have needs.

Nobody can do it all alone. It’s not loving or kind when you take too much onto your own shoulders. It’s not kind when you feel upset and hold it all in while you keep on. This creates great suffering on your insides.

There are people who try to shine brightly but haven’t addressed what needs to be, AND WE CAN TELL! It’s obvious, the message feel strained, something feels off. Can you think of anyone like that?

Most people I know who are so helpful to me– the ones who are truly rocking it and sharing a message I find valuable and even can’t wait to hear what’s next–are people who are doing their personal growth work. They receive support. It’s pretty obvious too — they’re centered, confident, clear. The message feels the same.

There is no shame in needing help.

When you were born you didn’t just shoot out, caught by your own hand, doing everything for yourself.

No. There were people who helped you come out. People who held you and fed you and swaddled you up. You were held and fed and supported. People sang to you and bounced you. They gave you a finger to squeeze. You didn’t have to struggle to hold your little baby head up.

there is no shame in receiving help

You are being born all the time and you need assistance.

From moment to moment, you are evolving. In many ways, you are like a precious baby. Part beginner, part grown-up. This journey is so challenging, it is very hard when you try to do it on your own. You need help. You need a helper. Someone to hold your head up and let you squeeze their finger.

But for many of us, there is a shame impulse coming from our little selves, an impulse that says: Nobody wants you when you’re upset or hurting or grumpy or sad. Nobody wants your messiness and drama. Just go away to your room and don’t come out until you’re happy again. Keep it secret and safe, keep it hidden away.


And then there’s this thing where we live in a culture which doesn’t outwardly support the need for help. Somehow it’s not looked upon well to admit you need help. Or if you need help, there are certain criteria and time restrictions on how much is acceptable.

It’s time to call bullshit on the story that we shouldn’t need help or it’s shameful to need help. We need help, period. And honestly, people who don’t get that you need help probably are best loved from afar.

Sometimes I ask people why they don’t receive regular support and the answers are illuminating.

  • I should be able to do this myself
  • I can’t afford it
  • Nobody gets me

I understand how real your stories feel to you. I do. And I did this to myself for a very long time too. The thing is, these stories prevent you from receiving and they’re usually spinning because you’re afraid.

Oh, I can hear some people saying, but I’m not afraid! That isn’t it! Well, the word ‘afraid’ is just a word. Find your own word to describe how it feels for you. 

There are ways we move in the world which make it even harder.

We’ve learned to do this dance because we are afraid to let our true selves be seen.

Some of us live in a state of chaos, we have financial drama or marital drama or body issue drama or work drama or relationship drama. Staying in that chaotic cycle is usually a protective thing you do, sort of like a backward superpower. As long as you stay in the chaotic bubble, all you ever have to do is spin. Life continues to be about this drama or that drama but it’s rarely about peace.

You are here to shine. There is a light you are being asked to contribute to the world and you cannot do that while you are spinning in your Darth Vader costume puking your brains out most of the time.

there is no shame in receiving help

There are no quick fixes.

I promise if I knew the button I could press to make it go faster, I would press it for you. There is a way to speed things along and that’s a dedication to your journey which looks like:

a) Daily practice for the evolution of your spirit

b) Support from a teacher/mentor/healer/helper/person

The reason we practice or meditate or breathe or pray or walk or dance or sing to Spirit/God/Divine/Universe daily is to remember the connection and stay aligned with this truth. It’s not so that we can be good people, or gain extra brownie points with this group or that person. It’s for you and your evolution as a spirit being, period.

The reason we need support from a teacher/mentor healer/helper person is that we cannot see ourselves without a mirror. We make all kinds of horrible decisions about who we are and what our life means without that mirror. We keep insisting there are horns coming out of our head and we are not worthy of love when we don’t have a mirror.

Coupla things I’ve noticed over the years when it comes to getting help, 1) You need to show up and stay put 2) Not all self-care counts as real self-care

Serial Bookers and Drive-By Helpers. This is when we go from this person to that one or from this program to that one. Or we only book when the crisis is critical. Or we buy a package or program or course and don’t allow ourselves to receive it fully. While there is no one right way to do your journey, this serial style is often in service of helping you spin in your wounded story, which is more in service to your pain body. When you get yourself all swooshed up in this kind of pattern, nobody gets to see the real you. Nobody has time to know you and remember you. And this makes it very difficult to give you the kind of love which heals. It’s very hard to shine a light for you or offer to help you when you are sprinting past me at 80 miles an hour.

Not all self-care activities are equal. Please do not spank me for this, but not all self-care activities can help you where you need it most. I have learned this firsthand. And sometimes the story of “I cannot afford it” has us choosing a mani/pedi over a healing session. Do you get what I am saying here? What we might really be needing is something deeper for ourselves. What would happen if we could acknowledge our need and allow for it? Sitting in a sacred relationship with another person who is solely there to support and uplift you and hold the flashlight for you may be what you are needing right now, a relationship where you step into the ring and address your own stuff. Where people aren’t solely “doing you,” but you are there with your mirror, gently looking and addressing.

We cannot do this journey alone.

It’s an exhaustive struggle, resisting help. Could we just allow ourselves to receive? It might seem initially scarier, but in the end way more worth it.

Picture yourself receiving the kind of love and support which can smooth out the rough edges and reveal your gem-like brilliance. The kind of love which will help you acknowledge and receive your preciousness. The kind of help which restores the shine to the places which have become corroded in a lifetime of experiences which are wounding and in need of healing.

How do you know when it’s time?

When you find yourself suffering from a constant low-grade unhappiness, it is time.

When you realize you are tired of getting hung up in the same 3 or 4 spots in your life–hello, crazy repeating pattern–it is probably time.

When you keep plucking out your feathers and you are alarmed by all the bald spots, it is time.

There is something about breaking down which we all resist, our vulnerability often feels like an admission of weakness… so if you’re worried about that, it is probably time.

there is no shame in receiving help

The gifts from doing the work–yes baby, there are goodies!–are many and they come fast. Sure, it takes time to feel eased into this practice of being seen and helped with our hurdles. It’s awkward and scary sometimes. Keep reminding yourself that good things come from doing this work, and the good comes quickly. I have people tell me all the time that they wish they hadn’t waited so long because they feel so much better so quickly!

The light you are here to add to the world is necessary and it’s needed now. 

You are meant to be shining brightly, in your very own way, at your very own frequency.

Getting there takes help. You are worth it, you are worthy. And there is no shame in needing help.


robin hallett intuitive healer and spiritual teacher

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