The Abundance Series: wishing success for others releases your handbrake

Lakshmi by robin hallett

I saw a client recently who I’d fallen out of touch with for the past few years. As we were getting into the session, I asked her where she’d been and she said, You know, I just have to tell you that when you first started blogging, I was really turned off by your message…it seemed like you were just in it for the money.

I thought you were just in it for the money.

How many times have we looked at someone who is making their way in the world and accused them of being ‘just’ in it for the money? What is that really about? If we are truly interested in abundance, handling our finances well, earning good money–whatever you want to call it–we need to stop shunning others who are making efforts to do well for themselves.

I remember when Marie Forleo interviewed Kate Northrup about her book, Money, a Love Story, (a great interview I recommend you watch), Kate talked about cleaning up her financial issues in a rather short period of time once she came to understand why she was holding herself back. I felt inspired by her story and thought to myself, if she can do it then I can too.

And then, scrolling through the comments, what struck me (literally in the gut) were some of the reactions people had: oh sure it was easy for you! You came from wealth! You have a famous parent! You don’t have it hard like the rest of us! Poor little rich girl!

Didn’t they understand that by objecting to her as a person, they would not be able to receive the inspiration flowing through her?

wishing success for others

When we stand against the abundance in others we lose out.


I don’t want to have the debate about whether or not someone deserves their success, whether they’ve earned it, or if we should take their advice because they don’t know what it’s like to have struggled the way we’ve struggled, I don’t. Getting myself all up into that energy is toxic and it has lingering effects which holds me back and I am not interested in that. When we engage in these kinds of stories, we invite them into our field. By choosing sides, we cast ourselves out. When we shun someone who is successful, “oh, she’s just in it for the money” or “oh sure she’s a bestseller but only because her mother is famous” whatever…we put ourselves out of the circle. The end.

If you want to succeed in your own life there is a karmic rule: Buy one get one free.

When you snub someone else, you do it to yourself too. Not everyone gets this but I hope you are someone who does. The only thing worth noting when you’re triggered by the success of others is what it is bringing up inside you. Usually, that trigger is pointing to an unaddressed territory ready to be explored on your insides. This part of you is reacting. So, what happens when you ask IT what it wants?

You don’t have time to waste speculating about the piousness of other people’s paths, just follow your own.

When I feel triggered by the actions of someone else, it’s usually the powerless one in me who needs to be reminded that she actually is powerful. When I feel envy, I know that the one in me who wants to create and share her gifts with the world is eager to do just that. So I take action, I draw or write…I put my energy into something that has a better return on investment.

In the times when I do slip up and say something unkind–about another person or even myself–I feel it. I end up hurting my own feelings too and I don’t like it. So, I do my best to see the good in other people, and wish them all the best on their journey. People I respect teach on this time and time again: learn to want the success for others even more than you want it for yourself.

Get very clear and present with the one inside you who is shunning the wealth and success in other people.

biggest mistakes healers makeYou cannot stab out at other people who are making it in the world while trying to succeed yourself. You cannot say, oh she’s just in it for the money and then attempt success of your own. One cancels the other out.

Being upset or jealous or pissy or high and mighty or self righteous or holding on to your piety…all of which I have experienced too, drain your energy double time and give nothing positive back in return. It is a total waste of time energy suck. If you are watching someone that is upsetting this part of you, or reading something…turn off the TV, close the book. Ask yourself why you’re so fired up. Find out. ASK. Don’t let yourself rail on and on about the other person without finding out what’s really eating you and giving yourself the chance to do something about it.

My point is that when you hold that energy, it gets into you too. When you poo poo others for being successful, or wanting success, for trying to make it, you poo poo yourself as well. You take a little of the poison you are dishing out. And so you apply the handbrake to your own success flow.

Often the thing standing between you and success and abundance is a handbrake which you yourself have applied.

wishing success for others abundance

It’s such a simple thing to release once you know it’s there… you just press the little button and push the lever down, and forward movement can happen.

Why do I call it a handbrake? Besides being a great analogy, I have a story about that. Back when I was first learning to drive, my mom sent me to the store. Her friend Janet was over and Janet’s car was blocking mine in so she handed me the keys to her car so I could move it.

45 minutes later, I came back in the house and said, I cannot get your car to budge! I had been out there trying and trying to get that car to back out of the driveway, and the car would swerve a little but it just would not move. Finally, because I heard it worked, I got the big bag of kitty litter out from our garage and poured it behind the wheels of her car. Still nothing. And then our neighbor came out and stood at the front of the car, pushing the bumper as I put it in reverse. Nothing.

Wish success for others more than for yourself abundance secretFinally I gave up and went back inside. My mom and her friend thought I was back from the store, and were asking what took me so long? I said, the car will not budge, I’ve tried everything I can think of! They came outside to look. Kitty litter was all over the driveway. All over. I started laughing. They started laughing too, ALL that cat litter. Then Janet started laughing even harder as she told me, you forgot to release the handbrake.

All that effort, all that time, all that kitty litter!

We are a little bit like that kid saying, we need more kitty litter! When maybe what we really need is to address the negative money stories and release the handbrake on our abundance flow. We put the brakes on the flow ourselves and don’t even realize it. Then we go about doing all these other things to fix the problem but we don’t know that there is an unconscious story sabotaging our efforts.

I keep telling you that the highest vibration wins. So if you have any negative stories in there about what it means to go after money, to be a powerful earner, stories about people who are powerful earners…it’s time to address it.

When you shun someone else, you shun yourself.

That kind of energy is toxic to your own abundance flow. Not only does it hold you back, you are slinging mud at other people (buy one get one free). How about you getting on with living and getting yourself to where you want to be. You have brilliance ahead, and the best return you’ll ever get is to invest in that.

You can do this! I’m sending hugs and love,



About the artwork: I have always loved reading about Hindu gods and goddesses. This is my version of Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth. Isn’t she beautiful? I am working on a small collection of goddesses now. She is my favorite. She appears with elephants who are spraying water (ok water hearts in my case) which symbolizes the ceaseless effort to one’s dharma.

Read the entire Abundance Series here.


Read my recent interview in Mystic Magazine here: