Hello Friend! I am slowly on the mend after having surgery nearly 5 weeks ago. Self-care has been on my mind a lot but I’ve also found myself worrying and wondering at times if I shouldn’t be pushing myself harder to get better sooner and return back to work faster. It’s a theme a lot of us experience on the journey. I hope my words and offerings here serve those of you feeling called to hear it.
I have been getting subtle messages from the Big U: Don’t Push It!
Sometimes it’s hard for me to continue to trust that what’s meant for me is always meant for me, my path is my path. In my process of forgetting and remembering I have been appreciating the gentle reminders the Big U (that’s the Universe) has been sending my way.
Sometimes we forget that all is well and we are held in the arms of a much bigger power and all we ever need to do is relax and let the process happen.
I used to be a thumb sucker.
I had a favorite blankie and I loved the silky edges. I would often fold the edge together and squish the silky part back and forth while I sucked my thumb. Sometimes I rubbed my nose at the same time… this was my effort to self-soothe.
And it drove my mother crazy. I have many memories of her trying to take my blankie away–my habit bothered her, worried her–and so she pushed me to stop.
She pushed me to stop before I was ready.
Once when I was with her visiting my Grandma in Germany (I called her Omi), we went on a little road trip to the Alps. This was a several hour long car ride. After a lovely little weekend (much of which was spent learning to crochet!), we left the hotel to drive back to my Omi’s house. At some point, as we were riding back to Wiesbaden, maybe an hour or so into the drive, I realized I didn’t have my blankie. We pulled the car over and began to search. We were there on the side of the road somewhere in the Alps searching through the backseat, under the seats, in the trunk. We opened bags and suitcases.
I couldn’t contain my panic anymore, I started to cry.
After acting like we’d lost it, my mother finally admitted to having intentionally left my blankie at the hotel. I don’t remember all the details but I can tell you this: my Omi made us turn the car around and drive back to the hotel to search for it.
We walked into the place and searched the hotel room high and low for my blankie to find that the maid service was already cleaning the room.
Finally, my mother admitted that she had stuffed my blanket under the mattress and after she retrieved it I watched her mother (my Omi) give her “what for.”
It was a big moment for me. And I still feel a weird gratification telling you that now.
Three generations standing there attempting to deal with “the blankie,” one of us clinging, one of us rejecting, one of us accepting.
And you might be like, why is she telling this story here, what does it have to do with anything else? Well, I think all of us try to stuff the blankie under the mattress at times. We each have trouble allowing ourselves to have it, we each reject it to a degree. And if I am speaking to you, the message we need right now is this: don’t push it. There is a season to everything and if we can relax and trust that all is well and let the process happen, things move along in due course in their correct direction. We are all being guided. Always. It’s up to us to listen to the signals and trust.
Have you ever tried to push something? Have you seen the way it backfires?
I have been noticing all of my own mixed messages about allowing plenty of time and space for my recovery. I am sure you have them too. I hear this theme a lot in my clients and students as well. We don’t know how to just trust and surrender, how to let the process of healing happen. The thing is, we are praying all the time for growth and transformation… why can’t we trust that this rest period is integral to that?
I don’t have the blankie anymore, but the artwork at the top of this post is something my friend made for me before the surgery. She even called it a “belly blanket.” She didn’t know about my blankie, but I believe she was guided to make this for me now. So glad she listened to that whisper from the Big U. I have worn this healing hands blanket (infused with Reiki healing too) every day on my belly, and I have let myself receive that love. I have let myself have the blankie and feel the soothing and when I feel the pressure to stuff it under the mattress, I practice compassion and acceptance. And of course forgiveness for my mother who was simply trying to love me in her own way.
The universe is guiding us, always in all ways.
My friend sent me this reminder today – it’s from Brian Andreas of Story People
Sometimes it’s hard to remember that you’re always on your path and there is no need to push it.
A while back I wrote a post (and it is my favorite of all) called The Three Things and in it, I talk about how each of us is on our own journey, we are all called to do something important in the world.
The three things are 1) God gives you a gift 2) you must commit to the gift 3) abundance is your return.
When we are pushing it instead of resting, we are not committed to our gift – I know it’s contrary to say that we aren’t committed when we are pushing hard but think about it for a sec… we aren’t trusting when we are pushing, are we? We aren’t allowing space for pause and receiving when we are pushing.
We aren’t listening to the Big U when we are pushing.
There is a process to this cycle of expansion and contraction. Some of us only want to expand and then when the contraction happens by force, we resist. We refuse to rest. We tough it out. We continue to work. In those moments we obey fear, not faith.
But even when we struggle to trust, the universe is listening and we are always given gentle reminders which say, trust that all is well, you are loved and cherished and it’s okay to take this time to rest and renew and receive for yourself… you can’t be forgotten because you are always on the inside of Spirit’s heart.
I went for a walk today – not a crazy pressure filled I have to get back into shape walk mind you, just a gentle movement in the sunshine walk.
And when I returned I had the sweetest card in the mail from a new friend I met here on the blog.
It said, “Love is the best medicine” and the inside was filled with stickers and messages of kindness and love. And this truly touched my heart and I recognized the Big U’s hand in this and silently thanked this person for listening to the wisdom to mail it to me. Inside the card, she wrote: “hopefully you’re getting all strong and revived. May the angels and all the holy ones be with you in support and Divine love.”
Take this time to get strong and revived before you return. Message received!
We are always being guided to be gentle and easy and not push it.
Time to take the blankie back out from under the mattress and let yourself receive.
I hope this little message supports you today, sweet friend.