From May 2015
I am writing this post to offer a little love and encouragement to you as you continue this journey of waking up. You are doing such great work, already there is so much transforming in your life. I know it’s difficult sometimes to trust your journey, so let’s take this a little bit further, shall we? 🙂
Sometimes we can’t see that we’re stuck in the kiddie pool when what we really want is the experience of an ocean.
We worry about the details. It can be difficult to trust that we’re really on the right track. Worrying feels like we’re doing something when really it just gets us more stuck. It deepens a groove and makes it harder to break free.
We think things like, “I don’t know what I am here to do” and “When am I ever going to make something of my life?” and “What if IT never happens for me?”
It can be difficult to trust your journey.
It’s challenging to believe you’re on the right track when you don’t see any evidence. It’s hard to know that all is well when it sure doesn’t feel this way.
You are more than your thoughts. At this point in your practice, it is imperative that you catch what is happening in your mind and then drop down into your breathing, drop down into your heart space. There is an expanded consciousness that lives in your heart and you want to keep a light switched on in there. Learn to return to your heart again and again.
Trust the simple joys you feel, follow your heartbeats.
Trust. Keep a little space open for the presence which is deepening inside your heart. Hold the knowing in your heart that transformation IS happening, something IS happening. Answer the fear carried in your mind with the love inside your heart. Your fear is like an overtired child about to wind up for another tantrum. Do not engage! Help yourself drop back into the heart space and breathe.
Watch your mental tendencies to ruminate on that which does not serve you. Do your best to not affirm the importance of things that are not important to you anymore. Tempting as it is to collapse into the meltdown, you must discern. Do your best to catch those mental stories which continue to try to dig their hooks into you. You are not your thoughts. There are times when you can catch it happening and you can choose to allow your energy to recede like a wave from the stuff you know is not true anymore. It is a practice, not a perfect.
It may sound kooky but we’re all afraid of joy on some level.
There are all these little hairballs we invent to take up our time; hairballs which give us an illusion of being busy with something. We do this because unconsciously we’re scared of having the life we would most want. Most of us are terrified by the notion of joy and peace. It may sound kooky to you but just imagine what you fear you’ll lose when you have the life you truly want – when you’re swimming in that big ocean instead of the little kiddie pool. We’re scared of having exactly what we say we want. So we invent little things to be hung up about. This gives us focus because suffering is something we know how to do. And when I suffer, I know who I am. If I am suffering, you know who I am too.
If you want to release the yukky, try a little gratitude.
A practice of welcoming gratitude for the yukky things is necessary. So often we kick and shove the yukky away before we even understand its gift to us. Gratitude opens the release valve on things that persist, things like resentment and bitterness. If you truly want them to go, if you’re really ready to evolve, stop getting sucked into the drama and instead say thank you and allow several breaths as you study the essence of what is here. If you want to get clear, you need to clear the way. Drop down into your heart and breathe. Say thank you for the awareness.
Trust your journey. ‘How’ is none of your business.
The big Universe has got your back, and you are never forgotten. Sometimes you forget this though and this is when suffering happens. In those moments of forgetting, you choose to believe HOW is controlled by you and so you worry worry worry on the details. Practice releasing whenever you catch this happening. Open your hands, palms up and release. Breathe and drop into your heart. This journey is taken little baby steps at a time… each time we connect another dot a little more light is liberated in our hearts.
You are someone who is awake and it’s a different journey now.
There is a light inside your heart, a presence within which is your true self. You are learning how to be this awareness while also functioning in the world. There are people around you solely identified with their ego selves, they aren’t aware of this inner ‘I AM’ consciousness. Sometimes this all feels disorienting for you and that’s to be expected.
When we’re awake, we have a different way of being and it’s important to not dismiss this. Trust your journey. Stay in that subtle awareness of who you truly are, practice being the presence behind the person. When the clouds come (and they will), practice being the presence that shines through the personality. You can do this 🙂
I promise joy and peace won’t hit you like a ton of bricks, leaving you terrified and alone.
I promise you won’t have to shave your head and move to the monastery either. You can live your beautiful life exactly as you like, you can be the awareness and experience tangible joy too. Joy isn’t something to fear, it isn’t lonely and desolate like we sometimes fear it will be. It can feel like warm butter melting and champagne bubbles at the same time and you deserve to feel this way as often as possible.
I am telling you all of this because you have been in the kiddie pool dreaming of the ocean.
It’s time to get out and go for a swim. Here, borrow my inner tube, the water’s fine.