February 23, 2016
Hello sweet Friends! I am getting ready to have a major surgery and something tells me it’s a good idea to share some thoughts with you about what I am doing to make space for my own healing and recovery.
I promise it’s not a ploy for more casseroles during my recovery time.
OK, maybe I better take that promise back because if you knew that #1husband can really only cook toast and coffee, you’d be sending me those casseroles, pronto!
I hope my sharing about my process during this time serves you in all kinds of good ways on the journey 🙂
When my doctor told me I needed surgery and I shouldn’t plan on going back to work for 4-6 weeks, I was like WHAAAAAAAT?!!?!
And then I came to the only logical conclusion possible: SHE IS CRAZY with a capital CRAZY!
And then once I got that all out of my system–ok it’s not all totally out–I began to plan out what I would need in order to make a Robin-approved version of this happen.
In the world of healing, my feeling is that it’s a no-no to attempt to work when you are sick, recovering, or even going through the heavies. It’s not the time to be attempting to “be there” for others. It’s a lot like homeostasis–the energy is always seeking equilibrium. If I sat with you in a session during that time, the energy would naturally pull from you to me until we reached a state of equilibrium.
For me, it’s an ethical line I do not wish to cross. And I feel as a teacher to others, it’s important for me to model this, not perfectly but by being real about it.
Self-care is so important. We must make space for our own healing. Here is how I am choosing to make room for my own healing.
Sit with what it is that worries you most ahead of time and implement a strategy.
First things first: I am self-employed, and I do not have paid sick leave. I also do not have vacation pay. I pay my own insurance, I have a large deductible. This meant I had to create a plan to take the time and space off from “work” so I could feel relaxed and able to rest during that time. It made no sense to me to attempt all of this in a state of worry and fear about abundance and besides, I consider myself an excellent Steward of Abundance so I made my plan and began assessing the situation financially.
Yes, it felt doable but not for a few months’ time.
In my case, because my doctor felt we had a little time and my own discomfort was mild enough, I felt okay to wait a while until I was more prepared to do this financially.
Be totally in charge of your recovery plan and allow for your priorities to be known to the big U.
I did the math.
I looked at the calendar.
It felt right to wait to schedule my procedure for when it felt like the perfect timing for me and for the finances and for everyone around me too, to the best of my ability.
I set my intention for my health and healing and asked for the highest and best outcome possible. I asked for the perfect surgeon to appear and I found the perfect surgeon. I asked for the best dates possible for my surgery to happen and I received the perfect date.
This went so well in fact that when I settled on my ideal date, the very next day the surgeon called me and offered me that exact date 🙂
I love it when we remember to be intentional and allow the big U to meet us 🙂
It’s okay to be a priority and it’s okay to let people love you.
Many of us were wounded as small children and we have fears about being vulnerable and relying on those people closest to take care of us. I know how many times I was let down when I really wanted to trust people to be there for me. But you know what? This is one of those times when you just have to let go. That’s all there is to it. You have to ask for help and let people love you.
You are the priority, I am the priority. We matter.
There are so many people who can and want to help, just let them. Yes, you will have to ask. And for my friends who feel so alone, and for those who still don’t have safe and kind people in their life, there is nothing wrong with hiring help for yourself. There are people, believe it or not, who LOVE to do this as a profession. They will gleefully come and help take care of you.
It’s okay to not cook 5000 liters of chicken soup on your own beforehand, it’s okay to not become crazy during this time. Let people help you. Hire help, order takeout, and let a maid do your vacuuming. Right now you just need to heal.
Let yourself receive. You matter, and your needs matter.
Tell people what is happening.
I told people as soon as I knew something concrete. It wasn’t easy for me. Stuff came up when I did this.
Your friends and family need to know asap. It might not be easy to let people in, but we have to do it. We have to get comfortable receiving and allowing others to help us.
The next thing I did was to start telling my students and the loves I sit with in one-to-one sessions. They needed to know that I would be taking a break. I did this 5 weeks in advance because the relationship I have with the Love Posse is an intimate one and I wanted everyone to have enough time to book sessions, and really feel like they had the time to receive what they needed. And time to process this too.
I knew telling people would also give me time and space to relax post-surgery, without concern or worry or even needing to check email, etc. I am not trying to hide it and pretend I was away on vacation or something. Also, I think it’s kinda weird to just disappear all of the sudden for weeks on end with no mention of what is happening. This creates a sense of “something is wrong” in the energy vibes, and it actually makes people start wondering and worrying. No need to do that, better to give everyone a little context.
It’s OK to be visible and vulnerable about how you’re doing and what’s happening.
I am saying that because there are so many people who will automatically assume a healer should be able to heal herself. I am not here to discuss that really, I think it’s a time-waster to assume we are supposed to do it all for ourselves alone and on our own or to assume that just because one is a powerful healer they should be able to cure every ailment… that’s not what healing is about at all.
Healing is about relationships.
It’s about being real.
It’s about learning to allow others to help.
It’s about you risking your heart and asking.
It’s about you learning to receive and allowing others to give.
It’s a chance for you to learn to let go.
It is okay to be transparent.
If you have built a community of love around you, it’s best to include people in your process of what’s happening.
Yes, if you put yourself out there and are vulnerable you will definitely get some unwanted advice and hear some horror stories and there will be people who make assumptions which just aren’t true for you…but if you’re able to see the love offered behind what’s being spoken, it’s all good. That’s how I feel about it anyway.
Boundaries are a good thing to have, and if you don’t feel you have them, it’s probably best to not be as transparent, you know?
It’s okay to stay connected through this time.
It’s okay to stay connected through this time if you want to be. And at the same time, it’s so important to rest and not be split-focused during your recovery.
But what about the connections you’ve been fostering online and the friends who will want to hear how it’s going. What to do? It’s so easy for people to give you that bravado: Unplug! Walk away! Everything will be there when you get back! Which is all fine and good in theory. But how can you help yourself have the psychic space to rest and really really rest when you’re active and connected to a community and you WANT to stay connected?
My answer is to have friends who can help me with that so I can rest and also feel like those who will want to hear how I am can still hear about it. Maybe it sounds egotistical, but that’s just the problem isn’t it? So much of this taking better care of ourselves feels strange. We are used to being small and insignificant in many respects but this is what many of us are trying to heal.
You matter, I matter. It matters how we’re doing. And for the people who love us, they want to know how we’re doing too.
It’s okay to do this healing time in the best feeling way for you.
I know when we don’t feel well there’s this thing where we feel the urge to hide away and not come out until it’s all better. People don’t know how to be around each other when they’re hurting… and there’s just a general weirdness around feeling unwell and needing help. But you don’t have to let any of this be a problem, you don’t.
So, my sweet friend, I hope this little post was helpful to you.
May this information serve you in important ways going forward.
And know that for a time I will be clinking my soup mug to you on Friday night Martini Nights and Winston will probably be my permanent bed-mate and hogging all the sheets and I imagine I will be eating a lot of toast with nut butter and jelly as it’s #1hubby’s specialty (unless you send me casseroles!).
Actually, this sounds pretty fabulous!
Keep me in your heart and I will keep you in mine. Remember you matter, and your needs matter. I matter, my needs matter.