Your journey goes in a crooked little line, not a perfectly straight one.
It’s full of twists and turns and this gives you lots of curves and squiggles and I love that about you.
But sometimes you get confused about the straight vs squiggle thing.
When bad things happen, you greet them with some degree of, Oh shit, I am still not doing my journey right or this would not be happening to me!
But this couldn’t be further from the truth, sweet friend.
Your journey is not a straight shot.
It doesn’t go from here to the moon at a smooth and constantly upward blasting trajectory. Full speed ahead. All systems go.
No, it does not.
There are breakdowns and breakthroughs and all kinds of detours.
There are so many plateaus I cannot count them anymore.
It is simply not true that you aren’t doing your life right because you face problems, or are suffering, or you have struggles and anxiety. And when certain themes present themselves again and again, it’s no evidence that you’re stupid.
People say to me My God! My God! I have worked so hard! Why the hell is this still happening? I thought I addressed all of that years ago!
As I listen to you with my heart, I can hear the scared AND the sacred. You’re scared that problems are a sign of trouble and upsets signal failure. But there’s more here, my dear. The sacred is also present.
My truth is, that you are here to shine a light in the world. And in order for that light to shine most brightly, there are certain obstacles that need clearing. And that means you need a deeper and deeper understanding of what you do, those little patterns and contortions.
Your wild sheepie dances all need to be understood.
But I know that when something repeats in your life like another dilemma or another struggle or another horrible financial mess…whatever, you go right to that place where you believe you are a disappointment and you aren’t working hard enough.
And so you worship at tiny altars hoping like hell to stay safe — doing little things trying to “be good” or to “ward off evil,” just like when I was 7 and I’d sleep with the blanket tucked around my neck, because FOR SURE that prevented Dracula from being able to get me.
I know all about trying to “be good” too. I know the one in me who is meditating hoping to ward off future anxiety evils, who is eating right hoping to earn some kind of gold star, and who believes that a perfect record will mean I am on the right track. I understand that drive to amass more knowledge so that I can be smart enough and have the moves down and hopefully this will prevent any more downturns.
But the problem with all of this is this: all of that stuff I just mentioned is really the ego’s journey.
You are not the ego, you are Spirit. You come from God. You are not this teeny tiny little ego mind.
And this journey you’re on is about shining your light in a way that radiates the awakening that you yourself are realizing moment by moment. You can’t do that if you keep judging your journey as bad or wrong… you can’t do that if you are terrifying yourself because your pace isn’t quick enough.
I don’t want you to miss the deepest truth: The perfect is already inside you and all of the grace, ease, and love is already here right inside your own heart.
Embrace your dips and squiggles with love. This RIGHT NOW is as good as it gets.