You Are Not the Churn // Tea With Robin Episode 150

When we struggle, when we are churning in our upset, we believe the churning is who we are.

Waking up means we recognize that this happens and are willing to believe that we are never limited but this energy trying to dance with us now IS very limited.

Let’s use all of our struggle for our liberation.

The fullness of who you are — Spirit in a body expressing itself as You, the personality self — is NOT the churn.

This week’s featured letter: Help with my mother-in-law. How do I see her as the light and not as a difficult, challenging, disrupting element in our lives?

All this and more! Come grab a cuppa yum yum and meet me here:

Listen to this episode here or read the transcript (with timestamps) below.

🎧 Listen to Episode 150: You Are Not the Churn

Episode transcript below

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Tea with Robin Podcast Show References


⭐Related links for this episode:

My favorite instant coffee: Cafe Tastlé Organic Instant Coffee

I also love: Mount Hagen Organic Fair Trade Coffee

Instagram Stories

Why is the Spiritual Journey So Hard? Remember This // Tea with Robin Episode 124

Be Inspired, Live Inspired, Inspire Others // Tea with Robin Podcast Episode 53

Relationships and friendships episode 149

Go Where You’re Celebrated

Heraclitus – the only constant is change

Productive cycles we get caught in – see the work of Paul Selig and the Guides

Seth – says there are no limitations to the self. You can adopt artificial limitations through your own ignorance, however (Seth Speaks, page 6).

Snoop Dogg Drop it like it’s hot.

Instagram Stories

Let all things be exactly as they are Episode 140

Love and Forgiveness Episode 135

Sliding Scale Sessions with Robin

Join the Love Posse

Robin’s Classes – A Course in Miracles, Lightworker LOVE, Healing Practitioner’s Course

⭐A Course in Miracles Quotes:  

If I defend myself, I am attacked – Lesson 135: If I defend myself I am attacked | ACIM

You might enjoy the Course in Miracles practices I offer here.



Seth Speaks, Jane Roberts

A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume

Every Book I have recommended on the podcast here



Thank you for listening, may it serve you!

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Tea with Robin Episode Unedited Transcript

Hello, beloved, it’s me, Robin. Robin Hallett intuitive healer and Light Sparkler at Robin And this is Tea with Robin.

On today’s episode, we experience ourselves through the personas, we think we are when we’re churning in our upset. We believe that the struggle is who we are, we are identified as that one who churns, and that means were identified as the churn. Well guess what my friend. You are not the churn. Who you are is spirit in a body, expressing itself as you, and you are not a churn. Waking up means we recognize we are never limited, but this energy we are churning in right now it is limited. So let’s use our struggle for liberation, instead of hiding any of it away. Let’s not keep it precious. Come grab a cup of yum yum and meet me here.

Well hello, beautiful friend. Welcome back to the podcast Tea with Robin. This is episode 150. All of the show notes anything I mentioned links books, stuff like that, you will find in the episode description, where you’re listening now, or you can go to Rabanal slash 150. If it’s your first time here. Hi, I’m Robin, this is a healing podcast. This is a place where we can come together and be ourselves. Boy did that just sound corny, but you know, it just feels like the world is the world. And then, there you are in your life, doing your thing, and there’s a lot to hold a lot of energy to deal with, and for us awake hearts sparkler types creatives, you know, we feel things deeply. We go through things deeply, and it sometimes can seem like the people around us don’t get it. So I hope this is a place for you, where you feel like you’re in a posse, that gets it, because that’s exactly who we are, this love posse here. We got it. We’re on a journey to walk in with you. Maybe we’ll never meet. Maybe well, it’s really not the point is for each of us to be alive in our own hearts, and show up on this journey, and in this time I spend here every week. I hope it helps you to do just that. Yeah.

Friends returning. Hello.

How has the week been going for you? And how is the weather in your heart today? Always It’s my prayer that you are navigating these times, navigating the transition, you know lots of you with lots of transition energy right now it’s that time of year, right, we just had labor gain we just had in the States. Anyway, that’s traditionally the time when swimming pools close and kids go back to school and, you know, that’s been happening earlier and earlier but also so much with the virus, and, you know, all that change so I hope that you’ve been holding your own heart, and choosing what’s good, choosing what’s good for you choosing what brightens you choosing what makes you happy. Yeah, and dancing like no one’s watching. I love that phrase dance like no one’s watching. You can do that in your heart you can do that in your thoughts. Yeah, over here. It’s a beautiful morning, I just dropped my husband off for their annual good guys fishing trip. If you’ve been listening here a minute, you may have heard about these trips in the past. Every year, these guys get together it’s going on 30 Something years now. They have some of them maybe Brian since seventh grade, though since high school some since college, they’ve been roommates they’ve been best men, they’ve been pallbearers. It’s kind of a wild thing, a Long long friendship. And so it’s an annual tradition every year, I drive him to one of his besties drop him off we have to say goodbyes while they’re all so excited. It’s not really sad. I love this time. I also took the week off and I’m looking forward to some special time of my choosing time of dancing, because nobody is watching you know that that kind of a feeling, maybe I’ll stay up late, maybe I’ll sleep outside on the, on the lounge, the chaise lounge, and listen to the crickets, have a bonfire. You just never know. So I’m recording, very early in the week. Just gonna do a week of shaking it up and doing things differently. So, when this airs he’ll be home and it’ll be fun to listen back and think about this day, you know, do you ever do that. Yeah, because we’re cool like that are we. So why don’t we have some yum yum? I am drinking instant coffee. I love this instant coffee.

It’s tastefully organic, you know, free-range chicken, whatever you call it’s the good stuff, and it’s delicious, and I know a lot of us turn our nose up at instant coffee. But It’s nice and it tastes delicious. And yeah, so there you go. So there’s my little ramble on that. I’ve got some heavy, heavy cream, whipping cream, and coffee and a little sea salt. Cheers to new possibilities. Cheers to this time of transition. And cheers to you just for you. This cheerss is for you. That’s good. It’s good though. Yummy. Well, friends, I want to jibber-jabber a little bit today, I realized I had an anniversary on the odd cast. I didn’t even know, three years I have been running this offering this podcast offering this light, and three years, committed, three years of showing up. Other than the occasional holiday. I took a break for, let’s see, I went to Bali, I went to Assisi, you know, other than the occasional weekend off here and there. I have been here every single week for three years now, and it feels like a major milestone and feels like a major. Aha, and also isn’t it funny that it’s something that came in around, and I didn’t even notice. Yeah, so if I hadn’t been posting to my stories and looking at the archive on this one particular day I might not have noticed. So I share that in my stories this week. A friend of mine, Carol, Are you listening, Carol, can you hear me, amazing, just note, I want you to read this and I promise this relates to you so stick with me here okay. Some of you have been listening since that first episode in real-time. Some of you have heard them all through your binge-listening right, so I want you to just take a minute and say, wow, I’ve been listening. I’ve been receiving. I’ve been committed. I’ve been committed, all this time. So I’m asking you to consider having a wow and an aha moment for yourself and your journey right now. I’m looking up your text here, Kara.

She said, Really, three years 2018 So impressive inspiring incredible badass and unbelievable. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. That’s like a dragon that you’re celebrating, congratulations, and that’s about right, right, because things can be dragons that every time we make a celebration, we make another step, we can celebrate that progress. Congratulations for this anniversary, I am in awe of the power strain, love, generosity, and wisdom, you have a put into this podcast work week after week since September 2018, and I am so grateful you do your podcast is healing work in real-time and you are amazing. I admire your dedication and calling you carry so gracefully. Every week, it is very powerful. Well, Carol, I want to say thank you thank you thank you, and I hope you don’t mind that I’m reading your message here. But it’s a message I think all of us need to hear. Now, whether you have been carrying yourself through this pandemic, time, or, you know, like I said you’ve been on this healing journey with me you’ve been receiving these healings these teachings, you know, I received them too. I feel like it’s like coming through, It’s not necessarily you’re listening to the personality of Robin but you’re listening to the light shining through both of us. You know, so I celebrate this, it’s huge for us both. And, you know, I wanted to say. Are you receiving the love that’s coming your way, because this is the kind of love that we want to be receiving this kind of acknowledgment this kind of affirmation this kind of, You know, celebrating you, and not just like yeah, those are real powerful tangible descriptive energies that Carol wrote, you know it’s a big deal. And we reserve that that kind of stuff sometimes we want it to come from people who absolutely can’t give it to us, you know, they can’t show up, maybe they’re dead. You know, my mom is gone. Sorry I said it like that but maybe they’re gone. Maybe they’re gone. My mom is gone, my dad is gone, my stepdad is gone, and also, they’re all people who never would have said these things to me. You know that’s the other, the rub there, they would have said something different, and I wonder if you relate to that. But do you have a posse of friends who do share that light with you who do share those things with you. I find sometimes the biggest journey is taking it in. This is cute but here comes the garbage man, it’s garbage day here. It’s garbage day here can hear him revenue sage and, you know, so much of the time when people come to me for a session or reading they’re like what did I come here for why am I here. Why am I here. And it’s like, you know, I can tell you why you’re here and I’m going to tell you right now why you’re here, you’re ready. You’re here to live your life out loud, and enjoy it, and to receive love, and remember that you are love. But I tell you, for so many of us it’s not a satisfying answer. And that’s because we don’t know how to receive. We’re not taking it in. Sometimes it’s a beautiful thing to realize, I can let go of what I’ve been striving for, you know, when I think about three years of the podcast and I mean, I have to mention it here because you have been listening to me.

If unless you’re you. You’ve been listening to this journey I’ve been on you’ve been hearing this journey. Some of you write to me about it. Some of you talk to me about it. Some of you encouraged me about it so I want to talk about it a little bit that I am learning to let go of my own agendas, and have fun with it, to let this be a joyful experience something that I love to come and do and a time to hang out with you, it helps me to receive that, as well as I acknowledge that, and to also say to my ego self to my small self, what if it didn’t matter as much as it did to you like this feeling of, so that you know I want to do a good job on the podcast, so that, do you have some so that’s I talk to people all the time who are worried and stressed out and you’re up against a deadline or you’re worried about whatever you’re worried about and there is this huge looming so that. But what if you’re so that could be so that I acknowledge the fullness and beauty of who I truly am, or, so that I can remember what really matters. You know, you know what I’m saying. I mean, like what if this thing of getting somewhere. Didn’t matter as much as it did. And when he showed up in the joy of what it is that we’re doing every single day. I tell you this, sometimes our journey is really about remembering who we truly are. And the best remembering happens when we’re caught in a story about getting somewhere or becoming someone, or, you know, our life is half over, or, you know, whatever the story is that you carry you all have this, I have this, everybody I know has this, you know, even when we’re talking about the story and appreciating how far we’ve come and we’re still having a story going on, You know, so everybody has a version of this in their own way. What if it didn’t matter as much as it did. What if we can recognize that the story we carried is not as important, and health. You know so closely held to our hearts like it was the only Rama Lama Dandong going on that you become somebody that you find someone that you, you know, acquire a certain amount of money or a certain real estate or kind of car, whatever get married, have kids. Yeah, the blessing of helping people, as I do is I hear the stories and I have this really great opportunity to witness, again and again how we’re all so freakin amazing. We all have the blessing. We all have the, the grace and the light in us, when we’re all being given another opportunity to wake up. No, we’re all being given a nap every single day that opportunity to wake up. And, you know for some of us, we’ve really made it a way of practice, a process of constantly churning in the story. And then some version of defending ourselves in the story, and fighting the story, you know, finding the story. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, you know, I talked about this on the podcast last week about weight talked a bit about relationships and friendships and people just don’t get you. And I shared my post about go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated case you listen that was 149, now here come recording on a Tuesday, that means the first Tuesday of the month, here we go with the tornado warning alert test. I’m just going to let it run, because if I stop now and

try and remember what I was saying and, you know, it’s gonna sound weird in the recording. So let’s have some tea or coffee, some tea, Robin.

So I was saying it was episode 149 We can spend a lot of time in our stories. I was talking about relationships where you don’t feel seen and you don’t feel met and there’s something wrong, you know, they don’t accept you, they don’t get you, they’re indifferent to you they don’t answer your calls, whatever it is. You know we can be lost in the story of finding our people forever nobody gets me, you know, I mean, we could be virtually upset forever about everything, couldn’t reason, and you probably do know people like that. I know people like that. I know people like that, and sometimes I realize I’m people like that, you know, it’s, there’s something so wrong, or so special, I shouldn’t say about us personality types. US people churning on what’s wrong. I mean, that’s what we do. The mind is thinking 24 Seven it’s pretty hard to not have Czerny upsetting thoughts, But, um, I think the practice is, instead of focusing on those problems and letting them lead you, that you stay focused on what you really are, who you really are, and what this journey is really about. And this is why studying, you know, receiving teachings, spiritual teachings receiving time with a healer, a therapist, a coach, you know somebody is reflecting light back to you, that is, it’s so important because without that we believe we are the thoughts we believe we are the dramas, we believe we are the upsets and the possibilities you know that your mind will turn to you. They’re pretty crappy, they’re pretty terrifying. They’re pretty awful. You know, I know you’ve been there. Sometimes I talk to clients, and they’ll be, I mean the blessing of walking with people, ongoing, when somebody trusts their journey with me. And we walk together for a longer period of time, You know it’s not just a one-off, is that I can see the journey that you’ve been on. And I remember, I don’t know if that’s part of the blessing of being me in this lifetime, you know, I haven’t the memory like sometimes I’m really surprised by it. But I remember things and I especially remember the struggles. You’ve been through some people I know in their 30s and 40s Now that I knew when they were in their 20s You know, and I remember phases. And yeah, I can see that this is just another evolution of the same work you’re doing. And it is I feel blessed by that, you know, I feel really blessed by that. as a mentor and someone thought someone’s life, that I know to hold this place with you very tenderly, that it’s not about the story though, that it’s about something much deeper. And one of the cool things is, like, a person can be so upset. And you know this in your own life probably so worked up. And then it gets better. And the situation passes or the thing gets handled or whatever it is, and you no longer and you no longer remember that. You don’t remember it. You can’t recall it, but I do. And sometimes, you know i It’ll be a while. I’ve maybe a couple months since I saw somebody and they were really, really working something intense. You know, as we do when we call our person and we’re like, I need the session to lead stock, and you work on stuff. Then you talk to them a few months later, maybe they don’t even remember the story, maybe they don’t even remember going through it. That is the blessing. That is the blessing, you know,

it’s so amazing to me, I feel very inspired by that and sometimes it helps me remember when I’m in the middle of my own struggle or my own worry. You know feelings that I have and getting momentarily derailed. I think about it, I think about you I think about the way we toil on things, the way we churn with stuff and I remember that this will pass. And I won’t remember it. I love the Stoics, through number one husband that’s what he enjoys studying the Stoics, the only constant in life is change is one of the first things I came across Herod Cletus or Heraclitus, Eric Lee this, we can count on this changing this will change, this will change, what if I didn’t fix to it. What if I didn’t, zero in on this, and continue to affirm my story. Now, powerful stuff. Powerful stuff and I wanted to build a little bit on that from last week if you heard the episode. Episode 149 Holy shift sacred triggers holy shift. Now we are definitely each experiencing certain awakenings, certain channels or tunnels of awakening, I don’t know what to call it, where you know maybe you’re experiencing yourself as a professional self or as a mother or as a friend or as a spouse or a personality who helps people are, or a whatever it is, think about yourself, you’re a yoga teacher you’re an artist. You’re creative you’re this You’re that we’re certainly experiencing ourselves through stories, and so these sacred triggers that I was kind of beginning to talk about last week. You’re going to have repetitive upsets that, that is just like, oh my god I always go here, it’s like me on a podcast, I mean, you’ve if you’ve been here, I’m not even, you know, I’m not gonna retell the words, again, I really want to work on advancing myself as well in this journey. Right. We have familiar stories we have familiar places, we have familiar eddies that seem so true because we continue to think these thoughts. And we think we are. That journey we’re doing we think we are the struggle. We identify as that we identify as the upset. Do you remember saying, we’re more identified with the churn than anything else. We identify as the churn. Think about that for a second, identified this the churn. That means we need the churn in our experience, to continue, we need the churn to happen. I identify there too, I recognize that too and if you’ve been listening for a while, You hear me talk about that in my opinion, way too much here about the podcast itself,

you know, but, like, let’s use all of our struggle for our liberation, my friend. With that hide any of it away as precious, because we’re embarrassed. Do you want to spend your life churning, or do you want to spend your life remembering who you truly are and using these churny opportunities? You know, develop developing the love and the patience with your own small self stuff, I mean, I come around to that every week again and again and again here, because every week, you know, I get caught in the journey about the podcast, almost every week. Are we, I mean, it would be so different if we could welcome in the charm with love. But know who we truly are. Instead of following the cuckoo could do that the turn is telling us to do I describe that, yeah. So let’s bring this back to you. Okay. What are you identifying as today. What are you identifying as right now. What have you been defending yourself against in your mind, you know, it won’t change. It’s not going to stop happening. If you don’t put your thinking, if you don’t put your foot on the ground to stop the spin. Do you ever have bad spins. That was always my secret. You know, if you don’t stop the swirl you will simply swirl. Like the little Vornado or just me to. So let’s take a pause and see where are you at,

and what would it mean to stop churning. What would the stabbing journey mean for you.

Where are you on that


If we are feeling sincere about waking up, and it’s, I know that’s a triggering thing to say, Are you sincere about waking up, but I gotta ask, because sometimes we’re really attached. And it would be more honest to say, I’m sincere about beating myself up again or believing I’m a piece of crap, you know, I’m sincere about wreaking havoc and creating chaos in my world, and sometimes we need to go through those periods, don’t we, we go through them and we learn a lot, It’s certainly a productive thing like Paul Seligman the guides talk about. These are very productive cycles we can get caught in. But the truth is, we are not the churn. And personally, I’d rather be waking up in these places, these places of identity, you might say I’m a person who is healing. I am on the healing journey a lot of you I talked to our healing are on this healing journey. Long term healing, how do you identify there. I tell you. Excuse me, I am asking myself these very same questions, this very same day, this very same moment as you, I’m asking myself, How do I keep identifying with my long term healing journey. In a sense it’s harming me, it’s harming me to keep identifying as my struggle. It’s such a big thing I could cry right now. How much time, personally, I feel I have wasted being upset about shit that doesn’t matter, except it. You can’t say that it matters a ton. It’s so important. Our struggle. Our churn. In some ways it’s so important, but only, I guess, in the service of remembering who we truly are. And I know it’s hard sometimes, you know, I have friends in places of awakening where I don’t feel I am yet, and sometimes when I’m upset. What I need is a hug. I don’t need the spiritual jargon and the, you know, crap about, you’re the creator of your own reality and you brought this on yourself, or whatever. But sometimes you get that and you resist it because that’s the sign, you’re attached to your struggle, you’re attached to your identity as the one who struggles you’re attached to defending your position burrowing in deeper and friends in my life, I’m the only one who can live that place, and in your life. Guess what. Yeah, same, same, same, waking up means we recognize these familiar stories, these familiar places, and we don’t just beat ourselves up and, you know, kind of like spank yourself and get back into alignment. It’s about saying this is my kind of my holy shift. This is my sacred trigger. This is my awakening journey, and, yeah, you know, waking up is scary, it’s big work, but I’d rather be doing it than continuing on in the same old suffering, telling the same old stories, you know, believing in the same old BS about me or my life or my even my possibilities, and then investing in the drama, again and again and again I mean, that part of us is suffers on a regular basis, wouldn’t it be nice to help them and not just temporary help. What you don’t want is to be helped back into your hidey-hole, right. Think about it. Self Realization, you know, what does that mean it means to remember the big self, who you truly are. God in a body, shining as you. You are a greater expression than the one smile self using QR. And it might be honest or to say you don’t care about that but just know, if you’re not interested in soul tending. If you’re not interested in healing sacred triggers, they’re going to continue. That’s just how it’s gonna go. They’re going to continue

the fullness of who you truly are is not just the charm you’re doing. And we got to take that term, if we want to take the term anyway, and make a term. I said this a little while ago, some stuff I have told way too long, and it’s become indulgent, In a way it’s become very indulgent and I’m beginning to hear my own selfishness in that my own self-involvement in that my own ego in that, and it’s a really good thing to sit with. And personally, I don’t want to be shoved back into my hidey hole, you know, I want to realize I was listening to some staff member Seth. Seth the other day, show notes, link in the episode description. Seth said, says the self is not limited. And he and Seth is talking about the true self. We are not limited unless we say we are, and that’s what we’re doing all the livelong day to be more honest to go around I’m limited. Hi, I’m limited to. Hi, I’m in my churn. Hi. I believe I’m an old fat piece of crap today. Hi, I believe, by life hasn’t amounted to anything, except we would go around saying, I am that, you know, I am an alcoholic. I am a fat pig. I am hopeless and helpless and friends, you know, if you’re getting what I’m saying you can change your wording today can stop it right now. And I’m saying change the wording because your income grew us with Your, your spirit self and your deepest knowing, you know this, you know this, even if sometimes, what I’m saying spikes and upset. It’s an upset in the personality self the small self. So, you know, more honest, to be spirit in our body, believing masquerading as, you know what I’m saying. You can drop it right now. The best gift in our upset. Is the room minder Bell the alarm bell that hopefully is ringing for you and you’re going, Oh yeah, I’m out. I am not just temporarily out I am all the way out of this energy, I’m going to drop it. Yeah. Drop it like it’s hot, drop it like the tie, love me a little Snoop Doggy Doggy.

Oh god, yeah.

What else do you need to hear today. What do you need to tell yourself, and hang on to today. You know, what is it, tell yourself right now. You know for me it’s like, keep realizing who you are, keep remembering. Even if you don’t believe in God. You know, I’m pretty sure you’d like it to not be that you suffer so much of the time, Right, you’d like it to be that you feel good in your heart about who you are and what you’re doing right. You’re not the crappiest version of yourself. So we have to keep realizing who we are. We have to become willing to set certain stories down. I’ve wasted my life I’ve ruined my life I’m not where I’m meant to be I should have owned a mansion by now, how come I don’t have this kind of money, how come I, you know, whatever, get to the root of the root of that story, you’re going to find something very simple like this suffering is not who I am. And all along, it’s about receiving, who I truly am about feeling loved and accepted and cherished and wanted, and welcome. And the only way we’ll really do that is to come into the heart space and do the work, remembering who you truly are. Keep realizing who you are keep waking yourself up. That’s the deepest work. And personally, I do feel it’s helpful that you’re in service. Who are you helping today. Who are you helping today, who are you helping make it a better day for them, for them today. Did I say that right, you know what I mean. Who are you helping,

You know for me, that’s part of what drives me on doing the podcast writing my newsletter and you are welcome to sign up for Happy Mail, there’s a link to that in the show notes as well, um, you know, posting my Instagram Stories, my little daily diary of what I’m up to and my thoughts and just sharing, that’s part of why I do it. I mean it’s fun for me. But, to be in service.

Here comes a Lawnmower Man.

So let’s do that as well do something nice for someone else do something kind, do some service, some silent service however you can think of it, just smile at somebody at the store. Sometimes I’m amazed when I realize, you know, think about somebody else for once. I’m amazed by that a lot of us carry the story that we’re too busy, I’m too busy, I’m too busy, I don’t have time, I don’t want to start anything because then I’ll get I’ll be, I’ll get stuck I don’t read time for this. Well, wake yourself up in this story, my friend, the part of us who suffers on a regular basis, is the way to tell stories like these moments in your day. They offer you a great awakening. How do you want it to change. How do you want it to heal. So instead of focusing on the old problems and the old defenses and the old dilemmas. Maybe you can let some of it go, maybe you can acknowledge it doesn’t really matter. Even if you feel defended and argumentative about me saying that, you know, we just would be natural to feel that way, I feel that I worry about it, I worry about saying and I worry somebody will feel that way, but also it’s the truth. Even if you feel that way. It’s still not the truest truth, you know the truest truth is, You are God, in a body. You are light in a body yourself, your true self with a capital S

is connected to the light of all that is, if you feel stuck, if you feel scared if you feel lonely. Spend some time tuning in there. Tuning into your heart. So I hope something in there resonated today I hope you loved it, and, you know, like I say three years, I’m so grateful for our time together. I’m so grateful for our walk together.

So I think we should read the letter now. And while I’m pulling that up, friends, you know, if this is speaking to you today, if you’re loving this podcast, I would appreciate it if you would share it on, or leave a review. Reviews are always super helpful. You can always press like on the post if you see it going by one way or another. I appreciate that you are in service to this love we share here on Tea with Robin, thank you for that. Thank you thank you thank you go to. Here’s the letter. Hi Robin. I hope you’re doing wonderful. I’m working through something here and I have the insight to write to you. I know over the last few podcasts, you’ve spoken about relationships, especially in the time of COVID one relationship that really messes with me is with my husband’s mother, my mother in law. I feel like I’m constantly practicing with her. I don’t want to be a bad daughter in law. But there it is. It’s not an easy relationship we end a struggle a lot. There is so much tension between us, when we’re together there when we’re not together. I’m relieved. Except when I think about the next time we have to be together, and the tension looms. This story that comes up a lot for me is if I am a spiritual person. As in, I want to be the light, and I choose love. Why can’t I have a deeper, more loving relationship with this woman. I get it, our vibrations might not be in line with each other and no matter how much love and forgiveness, I send her we just don’t align. But how can I accept that forward even seeing her name appear on my phone or receiving a text from her. It gives me a tightness in my gut, and my heart. I do think she loves me. I do believe she means well in her own way. I even notice how this negative energy takes over. When other people speak to her, like, my husband, or other people when we get together in person. I see how the entire room just can feel heavy and uncomfortable when she’s there. Now I know that what I think I project onto the world, and from that I create my own reality. So I can understand that this may be part of what I’m creating and continuing to experience. And I understand that this may be just how it is. But I also feel so bad that I can’t connect with her more. And I feel bad that I allow her to upset me so much. If I’m being totally honest her behavior is negative, passively aggressive narcissistic. She can be unforgiving judgmental and cast a negative light. But I know that’s her. And it doesn’t mean to be something, I live in, but I do. I do, it affects me, it affects my family, it affects my kids. I can’t change her. I think I really get it, but how do I move forward.

This time of COVID has been somewhat of a blessing because we’re not always having to get together, it is given us permission. But now that things are loosening up,

feeling the fear again. I am not looking forward to spending more time with her, and I feel awful saying this. I feel like I’m a hypocrite. Me being someone who wants to help others, always choosing kindness and love connected to my source me who is practicing being connected to my source. Maybe deep down I’m just a bitch, or a jerk.

I feel so drawn to hear you speak to this, I and I so much appreciate your interpretation, and any guidance or light you may have. I love you bunches.

Love you bunches to my friend and thank you for allowing me to read this here. You know, Friends, can you relate. Maybe you don’t have a mother in law, but there’s an ex wife in your history ex-wife in your life. Maybe there’s a, an aunt or a step sibling or a family member, I mean I’m not trying to draw any special lines here. Who are we without our practice people, who are we without these practice people, you know, many, many, many of us are in a blended families, for example, and they’re not everybody is on the journey. And we get to practice. So, where I feel drawn to, is a couple of places here, the expectation that somehow on a spiritual journey.

We’re going to have it be perfect. There will always be a place that we get to practice, and if we’re really interested in not being in attack mode or defend mode this is A Course in Miracles practice. If I defend myself I’m attacked the ego loves attack and defense, so it’s always lining people up in our mind is like, you know, Toy Soldiers lining them all up. Okay, maybe it’s your Barbies lining up all the Barbies that like we’re good terms not good terms. Good person not good person. May was mean to me, not mean to me like we, we do it. Don’t be alarmed that this mind of yours does that, it’s a process. It does it the way it stays alive and active it likes the chatter. You’ve got people you’re like they’re gonna be mad at me unless I do this, this and this. Okay. The thing is to wake yourself up. Wake yourself up. Who are you, who are you, who are you. I’m a spark of the divine. I’m in charge of realizing myself Self Realization, I am God, in a body shining is me. I am a greater expression than the one small self, I think I am. This is an opportunity to keep realizing who I am. And this is an opportunity to realize who she is. Now here comes the interesting piece where the ego drags you kicking and screaming to the next event with her or wakes you up in the middle of the night before you have to get together, or you’ve got that email sitting here you haven’t responded to, or, you know, God forbid, you know, you guys are going on a two week adventure together some family vacation together I hear all kinds of things like this you know instead of kicking and screaming, dragging your feet feeling, it’s all hopeless, upset and then punching yourself in the face, half the time because you must not be doing a good spiritual journey. Just keep waking yourself up. This is the deepest work keep looking at her waking yourself up about who she is, the light in her is the light in you. She’s got in a body shining is her. You know, when, when it says I am the Way, the Truth and Life in the Bible. You know, It’s not about some religious icky moment, it’s about realizing, you know, we’re here on a journey to wake ourselves up to remember the way the path to remember the truth. I’m guarding the body I’m lighting the body and the life. The only alive myth, there is, is remembering who you truly are, you know, and you can help her, but she’s not your project. It’s not your job


fix her. In fact, you know, it’s not.

It’s not anything other than to recognize you love your brother Course in Miracles, everybody’s a brother. But many teachings speak that way to recognize the love you have for your brother. You know, I’m not the cuckoo could chew, not the drama not the negativity, and I mentioned this last week we had a letter you might if you haven’t heard 149 The letter, you might want to listen back because it had some similar questions. You don’t have to go chasing, where you’re not being celebrated. You’re gonna have to go chasing the places that are not light filled and joy filled, and where it doesn’t feel easy, you don’t have to do it. But to understand the love, the light, everybody has Buddha nature, look for that in her. Be determined to see that in her. Not when she says assholey things to your kids, are you saying, Oh, everybody has Buddha nature to know this isn’t you, you know if there was a line like that, that you could say, Hey, this is some view. What’s going on here, you know, what’s going on here, wake her up. You can use moments like that for sure. But my point to you is the light. You mentioned the spiritual journey is, well, we’re also here to recognize the divine and others, even when the small self cannot. You know you’re not required to be her bestie, you’re not required to even speak with her. I think this is a confusing line for people as well. When you recognize that you guys are in different places, energetically speaking, and that it’s actually causing more friction for you, for your kids or for her you know the agitation when you are in a different place, the agitation can be great for the other person, and it causes so much friction that becomes worse wave try to get together, you know, so you’re not required to speak to them or get together with them. But I feel we’re required to know who they are. And sometimes I asked myself and this is I said this last week because sometimes I get this email where people are actually quite, you know they’re mad at me, they feel judged when I’m sharing they feel like I’m making fun of them or I’m saying something negative about them, they identify as the other. In what I’m sharing, and they get mad at me, you know, I don’t have to explain to them because that’s their drama and their story but I do feel I am willing to allow the divine to work through me in some of these situations are holy shifts, they’re the sacred triggers attached to things like, I want everybody to love me I want everybody to like me you want your mother in law to, you know you want, let’s be honest look at your fantasies about her, and don’t be afraid to look at them. But our work is, you know, are we open to love, Are we open to, instead of just fearing the boogeyman so to speak, are we open to the love in the Boogeyman. Are we open and is it safe to forgive her. Don’t forget to forgive her small self, while you recognize.

Do you believe you deserve your freedom. Do you believe you’re allowed to not have to get together with people who are repetitively toxic with you. People pinch you energetically speaking emotionally speaking. Do you believe you deserve space and freedom without that in your life. I think permission is the only problem there, you know, we feel guilty. Are you strong enough to bear the guilt. Can you do it. So, you know, beyond that, I say of course you’re a good person. Don’t make this about you, except the part that is about you I mean, it does seem like you know it’s hard for you to admit, you don’t wanna buy maybe that’s the healthiest thing. Sometimes shaking things loose means acknowledging how they exactly are. Let all things be exactly as they are accepted. May that’s another Course of Miracles lesson and an episode here. That might be good to revisit, it’s better to be honest, then staying in their churn. It’s better to be honest, then stay in your churn. Too many of us relationship charming has become a way of life, again I say to you, where do you need to drop it. You know, when Paul said like, when he talks about I see you in your beauty. I see you in your right to be in all that you have known all that you know and have known. I see you, and I know who you are. I know what you are, and I know how you serve, you are free, You are free, you are free. You can see her as she is, you know who she is, the light and her, the Buddha nature in her, and you can choose to be honest, by not engaging with who she’s not knowing she’s free people are free, you are free, you are free to hold yourself to a standard of always love and light, you wrote that in the letter, always, kindness and love. That is a lot of pressure. God is in the shit show to you know sometimes when we can lower our shoulders. And just be honest, things can move, you don’t have to like her behavior. You don’t have to like her ways, you don’t have to like her visiting. You don’t have to like her. What do you have to do though, the same light shines in her and you, what do you have to do. I feel in our hardest, our hardest hearts, look at that, our heart of hearts, we know this to be true. Most often we allow our fear and the churn take us over. And we do the same thing we’ve always done. You know how long it takes is up to us, for us to make a new move beyond that, remember, we can only do our awakening work if we’re using our suffering, as the bell to come back to our practice of remembering and hopefully no other have to some of like massive woowoo mumbo jumbo, but you know I’m guessing, it doesn’t. So all my love to you my friend. I’ve got those people in my life as well and it helps me to know you’re there doing your work, and I’m here doing my work, and any of you relating to this, whether it’s your mother in law or someone else, a chair in a virtual hug right now. Ready 123 Just put your hand on your high heart. Put your hand on your chest. Once imagine ourselves, all around the world, listening now, and we do spread all around the world. So much love. Yeah, and a peace of love, and I’m always here for someone to one time, if you’d like some more support with this sessions with me. They’re the bomb.

According to, you know friends I walk with but also, I hope you can hear how much I love helping and I offer packages of sessions for a deeper savings and also sliding scale for those of you in that place where it would work better for you to choose a rate that you can to choose your session fee. It’s all there for you in the show notes. Okay. Cheers to that. Well friends, Episode 150 150 My gosh they all feel like milestones to me. It is in the camp. And now I am off to a week of joy and fun and joy and, and I am keeping a wary eye on the small self that’s going to churn problems for me, I know it, that’s just what its function is. So I’m keeping my eye open for some of that not expecting it, not welcoming it not inviting it not trying to create it, but just saying Robin remember sometimes these emergencies and disasters that creep up are really a sabotage move of the small self. So, yeah. Well, I wish you a gorgeous week, come back and listen to this episode again if it helped you. It’s nice to make a few passes and see what’s here. The next time you do lots of love, this has been me Robin Heartsparkler Hallett. I’m going to see you here next time. Bye bye.

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